Annoying Neighbour

[AmyG]

Picking other peoples crops is:

THEFT

It's just like picking someone's flowers from their back garden.

It must be stopped. The committee should warn her that if it happens again she will be evicted.

[Glutton4...]

She wasn't there today so it was enjoyable from start to finish, except for the winds and the fact I realised that not a single person on my allotment is attractive. I'm never going to get married again at this rate.

Unattractive Men are better Husbands! But you can't have mine! lol

[Minamoo]

Unattractive Men are better Husbands! But you can't have mine! lol

Lol! Geeks also make excellent husbands. they know how to *do* stuff. Like reroute all the leccy cables in the attic, build bike sheds out of pallets and fix your computer. AND mine does all the cleaning too. He's like the ultimate man. Even fixed my plastic greenhouse's frame when the wind snapped the plastic connector bits in half using nothing more than a ball of twine. All I need to do now is figure out how to clone him. I'd make a fortune! lol!

[rustylady]

I realised that not a single person on my allotment is attractive. I'm never going to get married again at this rate.

Do you really want to?

[VirginVegGrower]

My suggestion is some rugosa Rose hedging. Or as I have done with a nasty opinionated neighbour, posts, wires and raspberry canes as my dividing fence. Tell her thieving is a punishable offence and your favourite nephew is a copper.

[Angry Janice]

I've put a wall of bamboo lattice up on the top part and by coincidence, bought a lot of climbing roses. No doubt she will be helping herself to those roses facing her. I also put a notice up on the noticeboard asking "Has anyone else noticed a certain person roaming the peace and quiet allotment and stealing thier produce?"

As for my future husband, I put another notice up demanding to know who is single and who isn't. I don't believe in beating about the bush. Straight to the point, name, age, condition of back, snorer?
I'll fill you in when I whittle it down to a shortlist.

[VirginVegGrower]

If she's stealing your produce and you're looking for a bloke, what's her husband like? AM ONLY KIDDING!

[Angry Janice]

Dead. And he's probably glad he is having to deal with her for all those years.

[chris]

Can you not accidently ram a fork through her foot when she steps on your plot next time?

"oops"

[zazen999]

I think a 'step on my plot once more madam and you may find yourself 6ft under it' may be in order.

[Angry Janice]

I am going to collect photographic evidence and study her route, when I have it marked out, she will find a lot of grass cuttings on newspaper that cover very deep holes with spikes in them.

[VirginVegGrower]

How about laying a trip wire, fish gut twine or something. Broken ankle should sort her out for a while or a deep hole covered with sticks and leaves - fall in and die!!!

[Rabidbun]

Lol! Geeks also make excellent husbands. they know how to *do* stuff. Like reroute all the leccy cables in the attic, build bike sheds out of pallets and fix your computer. AND mine does all the cleaning too.

Just a caveat - I have obtained a subsection of geek, Manus Geekus Comp Scientus. These tend to be less "handy" than the common geek male, Manus Geekus and have been known to fail even on fixing the computers on which they are otherwise adept. On the plus side, they are a dab hand at washing up.

(Edit as I hit post partway through) As for Lil Miss Sticky Fingers - I vote for one of those rope ankle traps from a nearby telephone pole to leave her dangling upside down for all to see. Most entertaining without the tricky remains to dispose of!

[Snadger]

Blessed be the peacemaker.....................and NOT the colt 45!

[snohare]

Send me the bus fare, I'll come down there and talk to her until she runs away screaming. (It doesn't usually take long, when I'm talking to women.)
And I'm single too !

Damn, did I just give something away there....