Plop!

[veggiechicken]

Hope that wasn't in your last job, Chris

[snohare]

Hope that wasn't in your last job, Chris

Any truth in the rumour he works for a bank now...?

[chris]

Well, I may as well do. Crooks run this place

[Mikey]

I remember as a kid an incident with a very large bottle of whisky, the one's that are the size of a small child. My father was keeping it at home in preparation for a raffle to be held at the local fire station, one day I happened to be playing on the stair (which I wasn't allow to) and knock it flying smashing in many little pieces all down the stairs. The wait for my father to get home left a lasting impression to this day, he didn't beat me, but I remember him asking what that god awful stink was.

[julesapple]

It has to be taking the DD out for Pizza Hut when she was 4 or 5.

'Philippa, put the salt down. And the pepper. Now please.'
'No.'
'Please do as you're told right now.'
'No.'

(Now she and I have our backs to the room. Behind us is a huge party of Americans over to watch some big footie match...about 30 of them......watching my brat being a brat and her mummy trying to rise above it)

'Stop fiddling right now' through gritted teeth
'No.....why do I always have to do as I'm told?' almost shouting
'Pardon?'
'Well, I always have to do what you or Daddy tells me, but you never do what you're told!' getting louder
'Sorry?'
'Like when Daddy comes home from work and says 'Get your kit off, love' you never do it!!!' this at the very top of her stentorian little voice.

Thankfully Mummy did not have to face a crowd of loudly cheering Americans...Daddy did though.

[chris]

hahahah that's awesome! Snorted a bit of coffee out my nose reading that

[Feral007]

Julesapple that is priceless!

[Seahorse]

I'm not sure anyone can top Jules!

My children have also rung the police, thankfully I just got a call back, no flashing lights or knock on the door. No such luck with the firebrigade when my youngest, after being shown at school how to dial 999, thought he'd try it out. I had several rather cross firemen battering on my door at 8am on a sunday morning. Not sure I've seen the funny side of that one quite yet!

I recently met one of my musical idols. I knew it was likely I'd get to talk to him, as I was with a group of serious fans, so I'd mentally prepared a little speech about how much I loved his music and the part it had played in my life. However, when I came face to face with him, I'd just been having a girly chat with a mate, so when he said 'how are you two?' instead of my wonderful, complimentary, heartfelt statment, I said 'she says I've got fabulous breasts'. Even as my mouth was saying it, my brain was going 'SHUT UP'

[mrswadders]

It has to be taking the DD out for Pizza Hut when she was 4 or 5.

'Philippa, put the salt down. And the pepper. Now please.'
'No.'
'Please do as you're told right now.'
'No.'

(Now she and I have our backs to the room. Behind us is a huge party of Americans over to watch some big footie match...about 30 of them......watching my brat being a brat and her mummy trying to rise above it)

'Stop fiddling right now' through gritted teeth
'No.....why do I always have to do as I'm told?' almost shouting
'Pardon?'
'Well, I always have to do what you or Daddy tells me, but you never do what you're told!' getting louder
'Sorry?'
'Like when Daddy comes home from work and says 'Get your kit off, love' you never do it!!!' this at the very top of her stentorian little voice.

Thankfully Mummy did not have to face a crowd of loudly cheering Americans...Daddy did though.

absolutely brilliant..........................................from the mouths of babes eh?

[Florence Fennel]

Himself is and always has been, an ardent fan of Geoff Boycott. At Trent Bridge a good few years ago, we were walking near the pavilion to get a drink. It was quite crowded and Himself collided with a man who apologised profusely shook his hand and then walked on. Himself had just met "Sir Geoff" and was so overawed he couldn't speak. I just fell about laughing.

[julesapple]

I could possibly add my (then) eight year old son's take on sex education. This day, young Sam had had basic sex education at school and was very quiet when he got home. We had supper, started doing our usual evening things, when he appeared at my shoulder whilst I was on the 'puter.

'Mummy?'
'Sam'
'This sex stuff?'
'Err...yup?'
'Have I got this right? Nanny & Gdad have had sex four times, Uncle K and Auntie S have never had sex, Auntie G has had sex twice. You've had sex four times but Daddy has only has sex two times?'

Now that doesn't make sense unless you know that my parents (Nan & Gdad) have four children, my brother (K) and his wife (S) have no kids, my sister (G) has two. We have four children but the oldest two were born using IVF (so those two are mine in this logic) and Sam and his older brother were conceived naturally so they are 'ours' (when we gave up trying too hard everything happened by itself!)

I guess it was logic of a sort.....

[Feral007]

My twin boys came home from school and sex education (altho you aren't allowed to call it that - it's part of the healthy liviing module) Apparently the presenters were young and did 'A weird rap sort of thing.....(long pause)..............then son says 'Mum, I thought a volvo was a car?'
PMSL'ing. Never been able to look a volvo owner in the face since!

[Bigmallly]

I could possibly add my (then) eight year old son's take on sex education. This day, young Sam had had basic sex education at school and was very quiet when he got home. We had supper, started doing our usual evening things, when he appeared at my shoulder whilst I was on the 'puter.

'Mummy?'
'Sam'
'This sex stuff?'
'Err...yup?'
'Have I got this right? Nanny & Gdad have had sex four times, Uncle K and Auntie S have never had sex, Auntie G has had sex twice. You've had sex four times but Daddy has only has sex two times?'

Now that doesn't make sense unless you know that my parents (Nan & Gdad) have four children, my brother (K) and his wife (S) have no kids, my sister (G) has two. We have four children but the oldest two were born using IVF (so those two are mine in this logic) and Sam and his older brother were conceived naturally so they are 'ours' (when we gave up trying too hard everything happened by itself!)

I guess it was logic of a sort.....

Clever kid, who's obviously good at maths..........

[julesapple]

Mally, he's very clever, can sort out any science or maths problems, but a total spaceman. Bless him. He's just done GCSEs and three ASLevels at 15. Brilliant....until you ask him to do something everyday and then he's quite slow. The toilet roll holder was a real learning curve......

I do worry about him going away to Uni!

[Bigmallly]

Bless him............love the toilet roll holder.............