At what age do you let your chidren

[chris]

The house we just moved into is literally over the road from a school - which is why we bought it in the first place.. When Seren reaches school ages, we will still walk her there, even though we could watch her from the back garden..

[di]

Regardless of the age of the child, this is my tuppenceworth:


- children should be taught 'stranger danger'

I think this is a big problem now a days...a lot of parents are shying away from talking to their kiddies about this because they want to shield them from worries.
Recently a little girl(10)was grabbed not far from our school on her way home,thankfully she pulled away and shouted and the man ran off.
Obviously the next day at school a lot of children were talking about it,some genuinely worried and sadly some of the older ones were taunting those that were worried so the school did the sensible thing and explained to the children what had happened and how to keep themselves safe...I couldn't believe how many parents were angry that the school had 'worried' their child by bursting their lil bubble that the world's a safe place.
When I was growing up we got the message from just about everywhere,I don't think it made me paranoid at the time,just cautious.
My personal view is that MY children aren't ready to be out on their own...DD is 8 and although very sensible she's not particularly assertive and always wanting to please.DS is 6 and although he's very assertive I'm having a really difficult time teaching him that going up to total strangers and giving them a hug isn't the done thing....therefore I'm confident that I'm making the right decision for me and mine for now....I also accept that other parents have weighed up the pros and cons for them and theirs and come to a different conclusion.

Something that did concern a lot of us at the time is how knowing there's other parents about doing the schol run gives us a stronger sense of security,however on discussing it most of us admitted that if we saw a child being hauled into a car we weren't sure whether we'd intervene or assume it was a stroppy child playing up to their parent

[lainey lou]

I've read thread with interest.
My children are 11 and 8. My 11 year old has been walking/cycling/scooting to school with his mates for the past year or so, I always know he has arrived because I come on a little later with my 8 year old. In september he'll be walking to secondary, I'll know if he hasn't arrived because the school will text me.
My eldest is allowed out and about around our small town and to meet his mates to go swimming at weekends and in the hols. He doesn't have a mobile, I think he's too young but he always has change for the phone. He knows what time he needs to be in and that if he isn't in there'll be trouble!
Yes I worry (what parent wouldn't) but I want my children to grow up to be well rounded and independant.

[Rhona]

My sisters and I were given a mantra everytime we left the house "Don't talk to strangers. Don't get into anyone's car. Don't accept sweets from strangers. Don't cross the road without looking left and right. Don't cross near a parked car." And so on. That said, we left the house alone so rarely... we were walked to and from school until we were in the last year of junior school, and then walked together to and from secondary school, which was very close too.

I'll do the same for our children. The school is very near and the area quiet with no main roads, but me and my sisters managed to grow up being independent, well rounded, happy and balanced kids whilst still getting our safety lecture every day AND being walked to and from school, so I would hope to achieve the same with ours.

We all want our kids to have common sense; a sense of adventure; independence etc., whilst being safe. My personal view is that those things are achieved by many aspects of their upbringing - the walking to/from school bit is important, but is still only one part of that bigger picture.

[HeyWayne]

I won an art competition as a kid for designing a poster for a "say no to strangers" campaign.

One day, my mum sent our next door neighbour and his friends to collect me from school. I didn't recognise them, so ran all the way home (about 2 miles). This guy was prevalent at the time - hence the reason for my mum being cautious:

Crime Museum UK - Discovery Channel Hunting the Fox

I remember it as being a bit of a media frenzy - it was in all the papers, the local news etc.

That was 1984.

Truth of the matter is, that 'The Fox' wasn't interested in children, and the crimes were not committed that close to us but it didn't stop us all being scared. Of course, for ages afterwards us kids would be out and about playing on fields, in woods and fishing for stickleback and minnow - if the "gluey's" didn't get you, The Fox would.

Is it too young to allow a 5 and 8 year old cycle to school? Depends on a whole myriad of factors I guess.

We used to have cycling proficiency lessons at school, our local Bobby used to visit us and give out "4D Cards" (the four Do's/Don'ts), and I remember "Parka/Snorkel" coats being the height of fashion as a kid too - especially if you zipped the hood all the way up (giving them the snorkel name), but our teachers, and parents would always tell us to fold back the hood so we could look both ways properly before crossing the road.

All of these things are of course common sense to many of us, but you'd be surprised at how many see it as someone else's responsibility.

Oh, also when I was three I ran away from home. I got my favourite little tractor, and pedalled the three and a half miles back to the high-rise we had moved out of some months before. I crossed busy roads, pedalled along a very busy high street and nobody stopped me. The area is, and was then a very rough one, but nobody stopped or asked if I was ok. I arrived at our old flat and our ex-neighbour then saw me and called my mum. The police had been out trying to find me, with dogs and all sorts. Our ex-neighbour was quizzed for a while as they thought she may have had something to do with my disappearance.

That was in 1978 - but would anybody stop a 3 year old on a tractor pedalling down the street in 2010?

Time doesn't necessarily change things - attitudes do.

[di]

Your poor ma Wayne!!!

[lainey lou]

That was in 1978 - but would anybody stop a 3 year old on a tractor pedalling down the street in 2010?

Yeah but by the size of you folk probably thought you were about 8 or 9 anyhows!

[Two_Sheds]

would anybody stop a 3 year old on a tractor pedalling down the street in 2010?

I quite often see unaccompanied children out & about, looking alone either in a big shop or out in the street. I don't talk to the child, but keep a lookout for a frantic parent ... there usually is one not far behind.

I got lost in a big shop when I was little, but I went and found the checkout lady and explained I was lost. Mum found me soon after.

Little One was recently lost at a carboot; she is now utterly paranoid about being alone, even in the house. It's becoming a bit annoying: she won't even let me walk her somewhere if Dad is out of sight (she's a mature 7). Rather than teaching her what to do if she does get lost, OH is cotton-woolling her, which I feel isn't helping her to become independent.

At school, we recently became aware of one of the Care in The Community chaps who was becoming a nuisance & allegedly threatening pupils & parents. One of the parents had circulated a note with his photo on and all kinds of allegations - totally libellous, & it caused a mini-panic amongst our pupils.

Our very sensible Head gave all the children a talk about mentally ill people, what to do if the man approached them, and told them not to panic or spread malicious gossip about him (which one parent had done already). The children then relaxed about it, realising he wasn't a mad axe murderer, he was just mad (following Dunblane, schools keep their gates & doors locked all day anyway).

[rustylady]

I quite often see unaccompanied children out & about, looking alone either in a big shop or out in the street. I don't talk to the child, but keep a lookout for a frantic parent ... there usually is one not far behind.

Not round here there isn't!! Children as young as 3 and 4 allowed to run way ahead of their parents (who are usually busy chatting either in person or on their mobile phones)

[HeyWayne]

realising he wasn't a mad axe murderer, he was just mad

How the hell do you kill an axe anyways?

[Alison]

Some studies (yes, I know!) have shown that some parents (although probably none of you guys) over mollycoddle their kids when they are very young (understandable when they are tiny and defenceless) then when the kids get to senior school they go from being taken to school my mummy / daddy in the car to suddenly getting their under their own steam. These kids aren't then adjusted to doing things independently and don't have the skills to work out what is good of bad / right or wrong and would have benefitted from gradual exposure to the world earlier. From the above posts quite a few of you are already doing this but I'm still saddened whenever I'm off work to notice the amount of parents who drop their kids off in their big four by fours (I live opposite a primary school and can't get out my house at about 9ish as it's chaos). Several of them drive the vehicle up the kerb onto the wide grass verge on my side of the road and then expect the kid to run across a very busy road on their own and into school. The road is busy and the parent has just made it worse by blocking the view and is too lazy to help the kid with the difficult bit. Where we live there are 3 primary schools in easy walking distance so many of these people could easily walk their kids to school (and it would probably be quicker), presumably they're too lazy to do this (fair enough to the ones who physically can't) or think it's too dangerous, if the former than God help them as parents and if it's the latter then a) it's amazing any of us survived in the past, b) they're making it worse by adding to the traffic and c) if it really is too dangerous then see them across the busy road. Sorry about that but it really annoys me.

[Two_Sheds]

Alison, I totally agree with all you said. The school run round here is very dangerous for all road users & pedestrians twice a day. Here's another one. And another (same day, just coming back up the road).

I have to say, my own Head has zero tolerance for parking on zig-zags: it almost never happens.

[vixfinn]

My eldest daughter is 10 and this year she asked if she could walk the 3/4 mile up our road from school by herself. I imagine she thought it was a fairly grown up and independant thing to do. I always walk her to school but said she could do the walk back on her own and see if she felt OK with it. After a few times I could see she was clearly uncomfortable with it so I saved her the bother of telling me and went back to meeting her with dog and baby in tow! She's much happier with this and after reading the 2nd post by Ginger Ninger I think until there are a large group of them travelling in the same direction, or I live less out of the way I'll Keep meeting her, even off the bus from secondary school

[jackie j]

Beleive it or not all of my children are well adjusted kids / grown ups. They were allowed to do things on their own as long as they had a friend with them . Daughter is now of an age where she doesnt want / need me to be with her . She has a mobile and can get in touch if she needs, usually asking to be picked up, er no walk. She is sensible and trustworthy. She has always been able and allowed to do things on her own since she was 10. The first time we allowed her into town ( 10 ) with a friend and no adult, we went with her to meet friend then let them get on with it, she knew where we would be, in a cafe, she knew what time we expected them to meet us, she phoned to say they were in another cafe and would be late, thats ok. As parents we have to learn to trust them and they have to learn to trust us. Doesnt stop us worrying though.
My son aged 26 drove to york last night for the first time with his gf, I was glad to know he arrived, same with all my kids when ever they go away.

[lindyloo]

piskie- i dont think i am a paranoid parent, and i agree the dangers have always been present, but i think they are more present nowadays because as a society we are far more mobile. now, i am close to 60, so my children are all grown up, but i have always been safety conscious, never paraniod, but i am a realist, and i think most everyone would agree that there is far more traffic on the roads than there was even 10 years ago, and school time coincieds with people rushing to work.

also, in my day, we usually knew who the local perv was. nowadays the fact that a person can zoom from point a to point b at 60 miles an hour, means the deed can be done, and the perbatrator and the victim can be in another county with in minutes. so i for one would want to know my children ( the youngest is now 24) were safe at school from 9 to 3, just on the off chance that if things did go pear shaped there wasn't a 6 hour window when the poor child could have been missing. because, whether we want to believe it or not, these things do happen, and not always to other people's children.