I need help

[JanieB]

This might seem like a silly question, but I'll go for it. How do you find out if someone is ill?

I have a really good friend who hasn't been out of touch longer than 2 weeks in 17 years. I haven't heard from him for over 3 months now.

I've emailed him with no response and sent him a text on his mobile (I promised I wouldn't contact him this way unless in emergency).

I'm really, really worried and don't know how to deal with it.

[snuffer]

I'm not sure if they still do it but several years ago we asked the Salvation Army to find Mrs snuffer's older brother. If you can provide them with a last known address they will look in on him and check that he is OK. I'm not sure if they can follow the trail if the person has moved and I don't remember if they make a charge for the service.

Got to be worth a try. Good luck in finding your friend.

[Two_Sheds]

The Sally Army will find blood relatives, but I don't think they'll find a friend. Otherwise, stalkers could use them to hunt victims, or violent husbands to trace their fled wives.

[Two_Sheds]

Janie, have you phoned his mobile?

Can you phone his relatives/friends? Find him on facebook?

[Nicos]

I think I would be concerned too.
Urm- sorry if I've got things very wrong- but I'm wondering why you promised not to text him.My thoughts are that he has a wife/partner who he doesn't want to be upset by him being in touch with you?
If so- has she found out you're in touch and she's asked him not to contact you again?

If that's the case- maybe a male friend could call his mobile on your behalf, just to put your mind at rest ?

Sorry if I'm way off mark there- but it was my second thought after an illness/death. A more drastic approach would be to contact the records office for any deaths in his locality for the 4th quarter of 2009. At least if his name doesn't appear you can breathe a sigh of relief.
Perhaps you could phone locals hospitals to see if he's there now?

Hope you find him soon xx

[snuffer]

The Sally Army will find blood relatives, but I don't think they'll find a friend. Otherwise, stalkers could use them to hunt victims, or violent husbands to trace their fled wives.

Good point Two Sheds, didn't think of that.

That makes my idea a non starter. Sorry.

[JanieB]

Nicos, you got it spot on.

I've tried contacting him by our own private email address, texting his phone, through LinkedIn, and I checked all the death notices for the last 3 months in his local paper.

No, we're not having an affair, we just promised each other that if we were both ever free at the same time.......

[pdblake]

If you really are that worried would it be worth reporting your concerns to the police?

[binley100]

I think Nicos's idea of getting some one else to call is a good idea. I get calls sometimes from survey people and if I ask where they got my number from they say ramdom digital dialling system. You might have to be a bit sneaky like that . Oh and withhold your number if you can.

[Nicos]

and I checked all the death notices for the last 3 months in his local paper.

Not all death notices are in the local paper- try the local records office for his area.

Gut feeling????
(Me thinks his Mrs has found out )

I can understand your need to know he's OK though

[snuffer]

Nicos, you got it spot on........

Well well well, the Vine has its very own Miss Marple. Very perceptive Nicos.

[Finedon.Dandy]

Janie - thats so romantic - part of me hopes you will get your prince one day. However I think Nicos is right - I know I would be very uneasy if my hubbie was in contact with someone he was promised to should our relationship falter. Do you have any mutual friends or contacts - perhaps via the place you met?

[Rhona]

If you're worried, and there's nothing going on between the two of you, can't you just call him? Getting third parties involved seems a bit cloak and dagger otherwise? If you feel better about it, can't you call from a 'phone box?

There could be all kinds of reasons for no contact, but once reassured that he's ok, then I guess you would have to accept his choice is to not be in touch at the moment for whatever reason.

Hope your mind is at rest soon - horrid to be fretting!

[Two_Sheds]

Nicos, you got it spot on.

I've tried contacting him by our own private email address, texting his phone, through LinkedIn...

then I guess he isn't free and available at this time

[lizzylemon]

I feel for you as I know it's awful not knowing what's happened but perhaps his life is in a really tricky place at the moment and so maybe it's a case of sitting on your hands and hoping that he'll get in contact if and when he can.

Obviously I don't know the in's and out's of the situation but if he is in a relationship and has decided to direct 100% into it, he might not feel able to sustain your friendship at the same time for fear of hurting those around him (you included probably).

Try checking myfacebookthingymajiggy in case he has a profile but I'd be inclined to wait and hope he gets in contact rather than the other way round now.