I'm beginning to notice something strange....

[Snadger]

I would say,don't volunteer ANY information that isn't relevant to the post you are applying for!

[Hilary B]

I have worked with many people who to be honest are a pain in the ass to both their colleagues and the bosses. Some of them cos they come in late after a night on the ale, some cos they spend all day on fag breaks or chatting to their mates and some who use their kids as a reason why they can't pull their weight and travel to meetings / stop for 5 mintues late. The first two of these won't come over in interview (although references might help) and just because somebody has kids doesn't mean they are one of "those" parents however some bad ones (not bad parents, just bad workers) can give others a bad name.

Likewise though, if you are unable to be as flexible as some of your co-workers (due to looking after your own kids, eldery relatives or just needing to take the dog for a walk) then you need to accept that your career might not progress or you might not be able to do a job. A potential employer has the right to know these things (maybe not legally but what's the point in signing up to do something that you can't do). However, if you are confident that your personal life won't interfere with the job then I don't see the need to mention it.

Bit of a waffle but at least I know what I mean!

Yep!

If something actually IS irrelevant, all well and good, say nowt and prove yourself once you've got the job.
If it is relevant (perhaps because you can't switch hours, and it is actually forseeable that you might be needed to do so) then not mentioning it would be grounds for dismissal when it is discovered.
In general there is so much legislation designed to protect employees from unscrupulous employers, but which is also applied to the sort of small business that can barely make a profit anyway, and can be the last straw.
The one thing that really gets to me is, if you want the same pay, surely you should do the same job, to the same standards and under the same conditions? Taking several weeks off, with pay, is NOT the same conditions, is it?

[lizzylemon]

Utterly agree with you Alison and understood every word and sentiment. I've tried to be honest about it as I'm just an honest person and if it gets me nowhere then it's not the job for me.

I know it will interfer at some point, it's only natural that once in a bluemoon Huble, MIL, my mum or our child minder wont be able to have the Bambina on the occasional Monday that the job is asking for, but I have to say on reflection, I'm not all that bothered about being a smoked salmon fish slicer (seriously).

I've never had a career as such so it's not like I've spent years reaching a certain position or something, but I don't want to start any job on a lie and then feel awkward or worry about 'imagined' resentment from colleagues because I can't make it in.

I know I'm reliable, honest, hard working and an assist to most employers (I freely admit there'd be jobs I'd be cr*p at - accountant, brain surgeon etc) and that having a child hasn't changed any of those qualities.

However, I do keep wondering, do they not have children themselves, or is that different.....

[Two_Sheds]

....as soon as I mention I have a child during job interviews, the interviewer blinks and it's like a shutter comes down

try saying you have a disability, and see how far you get then (not even an interview)

[sweetiepea]

Before DS was even a glimmer in my eye, I was asked if 'I was intending to get married, or was there any possibility that I might become pregnant within the next year'!!!! As I picked myself off the floor I meekly said 'no'. (I promise to be a good girl and stay away from bad boys!!) I got the job by the way, but I really don't think it had anything to do with my answer. Another girl was interviewed after me for a different job within the same department. When they asked her the same question she hit the roof and spelt out the law in no uncertin terms! She was appointed too!!

If its any consolation lizzylemon, I'm just about to employ a married women with two young children. At the end of the day I know she'll be the organised, committed and reliable one.

[lizzylemon]

try saying you have a disability, and see how far you get then (not even an interview)

I can imagine - what a bl88dy disgrace!

It's really made me think about things I've taken for granted and made me even more admirable of the older generations or minorities who've had to suffer this nonsense attitude for years.

There have been times in my life when I've walked in the shoes of minority people (or what ever descriptive you want) and I think I will take this as another lesson in walking.

The 1st lesson was loosing my hair at 19 due to Chemo and being a baldy woman in a small town. The looks and gossip was, well, you can imagine, I think I died 5 times in all but it taught me how it feels to be someone who looks different to everyone around them and since I've always tried to not to see physical differences. This time I guess I'll know not to judge a book if it has a series.....

[lizzylemon]

I was asked if 'I was intending to get married, or was there any possibility that I might become pregnant within the next year'!!!! .

OMG - I remember being asked that too at an interview now you mention it, although not recently.

Having been told 'can't have kids' from docs since my early 20's I fell off the chair at work when someone said I was pregnant cos I could smell toast all day long and there wasn't even a toaster in the office.....

[Hilary B]

All a potential employer OUGHT to be asking about is 'is there any reason you might be less good at the job than the next person'. That is a totally legitimate concern, but a lot of people have their own notions about potential 'reasons' and act on them. It isn't helped by a political attitude that employers have to make extra efforts for those who have something 'getting in the way' of efficiency. All this does is make employers LESS willing to take on someone who might be unable to keep up with what is required.
Remember that the possible employer doesn't know you from anyone else who gives the same answers to questions, and wants the person who will be most use to their business.....

[miffy]

I think it is a sad fact of life now that employers ask all these questions, i have just filled in an equal opps monitoring form as part of the process of moving into the new county i will be working in, in september what on earth has my sexual preferences or religion got to do with how i will teach?
It is awful that you have been discriminated against because you are a mum, you have so many skills as a result of being a mum and the employers you have applied to are very short sighted if they can not see this. In my experience people who are parents are very well rounded people, it is definitely their loss. I understand people saying not mentioning your little one, however as a mum i know that must be really hard as you are obviously very proud of that important part of who you are. Good luck for the future and i hope you get the post you deserve.

[dexterdoglancashire]

Lizzy - I had a similar experience around 20 years ago, when I went for a management position with a major supermarket, "every little helps" springs to mind. The interviewer thought I wasnt married, as soon as I said I was a Mrs, it went downhill from there, he thought I was only capable of having children. Their loss, not mine.

[singleseeder]

try saying you have a disability, and see how far you get then (not even an interview)

I know that the selection process in my company states 'all candidates selected for interview must match all essential criteria for the job, if any disabled person matches all essential criteria, they must be asked for interview.'

[Sue]

Try being 58 and having to admit to back problems and not being able to stand for long periods. On most applications you have to mention it as there are statements about any relevant problem not being stated at the time etc..

No way is that going to stop me being fine with a desk job but I don't even get past to the interview stage for jobs I could do on my head. I've never been unemployed in my whole life until now but I have to mention I had to spend a year recovering from a spinal operation.

I'm despairing, can't get a job after being made redundant and if they're shying away from women with children as well who is getting all the jobs?

Thank god for the allotment, I'd have gone mad without it.
Sue

[lizzylemon]

So lets see what will happen eh - I emailed the chappy yesterday and pretended to be a totally new person and not the woman who popped in last Friday, gave him the schpeil(sp) about hard working, honest etc etc but omitted being a parent this time round.

He said he'd phone me on Friday and take it from there.

I wonder if he'll notice:

he has two same names on his list
4 same phone numbers on his list
2 same email addresses on his list ***

He's already meet me.

(Providing of course, he has said list)

[lizzylemon]

Also, just in case you're wondering - I'd employ you all so when I have a business, expect my knock.

Thanks everyone for the encouragement and support. Fingers crossed for us all.

[RedThorn]

I got looked at funny when I hired people who were in their late 50's / early 60's ..... my philosophy is they're happy to have a job and are looking for one until they retire. Get Experience PLUS someone I can rely on for at least 3-5 years.... how many "youngsters stay in a job that long nowadays?


Good luck and fingers crossed!