Why are men so frustrating?

[Fluorescent green]

Is it the case that the things you think need to be done, he is not bothered if they dont get done.
For instance, I might do the dusting every ****, whereas you would want it done every day.

FG

[shirlthegirl43]

Ah, now, in our house, the roles are odd and mixed. Madmax works as I am unable to. I do gardening, cooking, shopping, laundry and ironing as my energy levels allow. If Madmax is bothered by the dust he is welcome to move it about a bit - it doesn't fuss me at all (I am allergic to it so leave it alone). My husband is my best friend, I love him to bits - annoying bits as well as the rest.

Farmer Gyles, I hope you are soon feeling better and I sincerely hope you find a good lass one day. Some of us never suffer PMT or the ratty times and are more like blokes with boobies but be warned, we don't notice dust and untidiness

[vikkib]

What about a list of stuff that needs doing - and 2 highlighter pens? Add boxes on the end and tick them off as it gets done. Then you're not nagging, but he is then responsible for doing his chores [as long as you agree that he is able to do them properly of course]....with a joint reward when the lot is done for that week/month.

My OH and I just in the process of doing something very similar!

We've been together 10 years and I was only 18 when we met so we've both had a lot of growing up and learning to do, as individuals AND as a couple, while we've been together.

We're still learning about how to communicate but it's definitely got better over the last 18 months or so as we've both been making a real effort.

One of the main things I have to keep reminding myself is not to take things so personally. As two completely different people with different outlooks on life, different examples set by our very different parents and different priorities there is no way we can be expected to be able to anticipate each others needs all the time. It's often hard enough for each of us to figure out what our own needs are!

If asking him to do things that you want him to do is what is necessary to get it done, do it. Better still have a proper chat about each other's expectations and come to an agreement about what is reasonable to both of you. Make a list, agree frequencies, divvy up the list and stick it on the fridge.

Maybe try and spend some time thinking about why it makes you so angry and upset that you have to ask. Is it more to do with the feeling like you are taken for granted or not appreciated than the actual act of pro actively asking for assistance? If yes, that's the thing to work on.

[jacob marley]

Just rereading....

What about a list of stuff that needs doing - and 2 highlighter pens? Add boxes on the end and tick them off as it gets done. Then you're not nagging, but he is then responsible for doing his chores [as long as you agree that he is able to do them properly of course]....with a joint reward when the lot is done for that week/month.

Old gal Marley very carefull what she writes on note's for me because perfect excuse for me to leave note's back which is usually followed by abuse or she write's first note on very small piece of paper so there ain't enough room for me to reply..jacob

[willowstar]

hmmm... we have been together 7 years now and it has got better...I used to feel hard done by because 'I do everything' but actually I realise that we have kind of split things along traditional gender roles even though I never ever thought I was that kind of person. on the very rare occasion I don't feel like cooking (I am pregnant and sometimes just have to rest) OH will wait until 9:30pm, realise food isn't forthcoming and then crash around in the kitchen for half an hour to produce something disasterous. so of course i do it myself. on the other hand though he repairs the cars, does about half of the washing and will clean if I get myself into a frenzy and cry. not ideal but I just accept certain things now that I would never have before because he really doesn't mean it, he just doesn't see the dirt until later than me and thinks life is too short for cleaning. we are getting a cleaner when the baby arrives!

[Glutton4...]

No, you're not ab-normal HW, it's just that men just get on with life without complaining. I'm sure there's just as many females as males who don't pull their domestic weight.

Yup - guilty as charged!

Take this afternoon for example; He's at work, do I
Option 1 - Tackle the ironing mountain - or
Option 2 - Move Chook run to fresh grass, then bimble around in veg garden?

This evening; He's in the Kitchen cooking dinner, do I
Option 1 - Tackle the ironing mountain - or
Option 2 - Bimble around on the Grapevine?

Yup - Option 2 on both counts!

Gotta go - grub up. Obviously, I wouldn't swap him!

[Nicos]

Awww...I wouldn't swap mine either..well...emm...nahhh.....

[Flummery]

Whooo - this has stirred up a lot of dust! (Well, it would in my house!)
If you feel aggrieved at having to ask Himself not to sit and watch TV while you cook, take turns. Then you only have to ask once - for him to do alternate nights!

I cook in our house because I like doing it. I'm better at it than he is. His signature dish is tuna and beans. Open a tin of tuna, whack it in a dish, cover it in hot baked beans. He does it for himself if I'm out. He did it for me once and looked hopeful as I tried it. It's vile! I'd rather cook!

At the moment, he works and I'm retired. Makes sense for me to do household jobs when they can be deferred no longer. I wonder what will happen in September when he retires? There might have to be some time-tables made up. (Then he'll find out how much I DON'T do!)

[dexterdoglancashire]

Sorry guys - but my OH can't even see something I ask him to find, even if its in front of his nose! I love him to bits though, he's a real sweetie and does do any jobs, well most of the time, when I ask him.

[Two_Sheds]

I have to ASK him to do everything and he never thinks to do them without being asked....he thinks it acceptable that ... I should come home and cook whilst he sits and watches telly

Hang on, are we sharing the same fella?

[jackie j]

When we are on holiday we take it in turns to cook as OH doesnt like going out for meals. ( thats what holidays are for ) last week I cooked every night bar one while we were on holiday at home, as well as did the washing, loaded and unloaded the diswasher, cleaned, hoovered, changed beds, helped with decorating, gardening, lottie time. He went cycling every day, went on the computer to watch programmes he recorded every day, did a bit of decorating a couple of hours and not a lot else. The room we started still needs finishing.

[Two_Sheds]

my OH can't even see something I ask him to find, even if its in front of his nose

Yep, I know him too!
He walks into a room and says "where is ..." without even trying to look for it.
I used to get really cross, but now I just say "I don't know ... " and wander off.

[shirlthegirl43]

Sorry guys - but my OH can't even see something I ask him to find, even if its in front of his nose! I love him to bits though, he's a real sweetie and does do any jobs, well most of the time, when I ask him.

Yep, I know him too!
He walks into a room and says "where is ..." without even trying to look for it.
I used to get really cross, but now I just say "I don't know ... " and wander off.

Or answer 'it is where you left it - I don't move your stuff coz I have enough of my own to put away'

[Hilary B]

I'm one of the lucky ones (on the whole). OH doesn't need asking... but then he 'helps' by doing things that don't need doing (at least not just then) or that get in the way. We have a small kitchen, and if one person is washing up the saucepan etc, it is not possible for someone else to dish up the supper.....
I established a workable version early on, when we both had full time jobs. I cook, he washes up, we tidy as best we can, and the rest gets done by whoever is most bothered at the lack (but if it is me who wants things done, he usually ends up helping).
There are skills he has no intention of acquiring (and after nearly 34 years, why should he?) so he does the OTHER jobs.
If you need to ask, ask. One day he may complain about being asked, THEN you have something to be bothered by!

[FionaH]

I was trying to think of positive things, and I have to say MrH is very good at finding things