Please can you all help me get something into perspective?

[Finedon.Dandy]

I am getting into a tiz and I know its silly but I cannot get my head around it. Hubby is working away this week, so I am feeling isolated anyhow and I found out yesterday that my Parents are going away with my sister, her hubby and two kids. THis in itself is fine but I cant help feeling that if I was still in Enfield I would have been asked to go too and so its yet another thing I have been left out of.

The thing is; I had both sisters as bridesmaids at my wedding. I was a 7 months pregnant bridesmaid at my middle sisters wedding, 5 years ago and now little sister gets married first weekend in April. At first I was going to be a bridesmaid, then when I thought I would have a very young baby at the time of the wedding my sister and I agreed that I wouldnt - besides my daughter and son are maid and page boy so I am represented. My mother-in-law said it was a good thing, when I told her, as she was sure that I didnt want to look fat and frumpy next to the bride - well I am still gonna be anyway! Now as the time approaches I am feeling all left out - have made all the invites etc and have been asked to do a reading but its this distance thing - its only an hour away but I feel a lifetime away from my familly and everything. My other sister AND her daughter are maids so I feel almost that I am letting my little sister down by not being one for her. I think its a feeling of what might have been if one of the three failed pregnancys had had a positive outcome.

Tell me to grow up if you think thats the answer. I just want to feel more grown up, less of a cry baby and to think I moved away so I wasnt attached to my families apron strings!

[snuffer]

I'm sure you are right when you say that a lot of what you are feeling is linked back to past events and wondering how things might have been differant. That doesn't make you silly or a cry baby it makes you human. Gods teeth girl, you have every right to 'get emotional'.

Being isolated from ones extended family can make things a little difficult and will inevitably mean sometimes being left out of things, but hey if you think about it, it can also be a blessing. An hour away is close enough to be included in all the important things (like weddings. I'm sure your input and help have been appreciated) but your far enough away to not have to get involved with all the little niggly arguments that all families inevitably have.

[jackie j]

I am only 20 mins away from my sister I am 54 and I still feel like I am being left out when she has dinner parties or just a cup of tea with other relatives. You are not alone on this. Why dont you say to her that you would like to be part of the wedding group after all just tell her how you are feeling it might be that she wants to ask you but feels she might upset you.

[jacob marley]

I have read your post 3 time's and my humble opion is that you have a Bridesmaid fixation but you grow out of it i hope it is a good job that you are runnig out of unmarried sister's or you would get sadder still you will get out of it one day just keep taking thr foo foo pill's or sumat like that....jacob.. ps don't take any notice of me i'm cracker's

[blue411]

I have this feeling all the time, my younger sister is married and he gets on great with my mum and even better with my dad (both adore LFC and formula one racing), and they always make plans to have evening meals together and to go for days out together and never ask me or my boyfriend, i live 5 mins from my sister.
A few years ago i was involved in a serious car crash ( vectra's and 42 ton hgv's dont go together) after seeing my boyfriend and even though i walked away (well of a sort) they still hold this against my boyfriend even though it was nothing to do with him, but as i was only inthe crash because id been to see him.... and my sisters boyfriend was involved in a major car crash were he hit 3 cars and people were seriously hurt and one had to be airlifted to hospital, he is still banned from driving to this day, can do no wrong...go figure??, you just have to try a rise above it, its hard at times but just count to ten and count the blessings you have with your family.

[Finedon.Dandy]

You have all given some very good advice. I have taken the kick up the back side and the foo foo pills as suggested by Jacob and will get on with looking forward to this wedding without worrying about all the bridesmaid duties Think I am having withdrawel symptons from coffee and alcohol which may not be helping my state of mind!

Thanks to you all

[Irie Jan]

I can understand where you are coming from in what you are saying about the distance thing. it was a bit the same for me when my dad was alive I felt he spent more time visiting my sister than me. She lives in Maidstone Kent and my dad lived in Bexley, also in kent. was still a good 30 minuets drive from Dad's to my sister.

I live in Essex, just 5 mins drive from the Dartford crossing. Dad used to always say that it was a horribal drive to mine because of the crosing! He said it took too long! I can understand that quite well when there is a long que at the toll. I used to say to him if you pick the right time there would not be such a que and you can get to mine in no time at all! Most times it used to take me 15-25 mis tops to get to his. was only now and then that it might perhaps take just over 30 mins if there was a bit of a que; so in real time no longer than going to see my sister and a lot less miles to mine!

So you see I can relate to some of what you are saying. Just think though you will be more free to enjoy the day as a special guest rather than running around doing all the Brids maide duties. Please don't feel left out go and enjoy the day!

[Bephlam]

I soooo can't related to what you're saying....for the following reasons:

a) I wouldn't want to be seen dead in a big frufru bridesmade dress...walking down behind a froofroo bride with lots of people staring at me.
b) I adore my family, but I want to spend as little time as possible with certain members of them. So, the idea of a family holiday...or even a family dinner fills me with dread. I like being able to decide if/when I see them, and leave out the ones I wouldn't have picked to be related to if I had the choice.



I live two hours away from my friends and family, and can honestly say I don't feel I miss out at all. Any time I spend with them is complete quality time - and I love every minute of it. I just wouldn't want it all the time!!!

[RedThorn]

Being away from family is both a blessing and a curse. (Mine and OH's are 6000 miles away)
You need to remind yourself as to the reasons as to why you moved in the first first place. When my lil princess was born, she had a rough ride in the beginning and that was when we felt the distance the most, however on the otherhand, we could make all our own mistakes and choices which was a blessing! There's nought as queer as folk! The fact that you question your own motives is sufficient to show that you're all growed up girl! However still doesn't stop you feeling like you do. It's what you do with those feelings and emotions that matters. Talking to your baby sis is a good way to see how she reacts and IF you decide you want to ask her to be involved, leave the decision to that conversation...

Just don't beat yourself up about it.

[pigletwillie]

I have never been a bridesmaid and also feel all left out!

Now really, you will have a much more relaxed day watching rather than being and you wont have to beat yourself up when you look at the piccies.

The hardest bit is looking at what you have, not what might have been. Speaking from bitter experience its an easy trap to fall into and you end up living for that "might" rather than that what "is", and its the "is" that suffers because of it.

[bramble]

I'm not sure if its just about being away from your family, after all its only an hours journey. I am one of threer sisters. I am the eldest. My baby sister says she feels left out as she camer along 11 years after my other sister and myself. My middler sister says she feels left out as my baby sister and myself look so alike despite there being 11 years between us. And yet i feel left out when they two are together as I was away and married when they were still at home together.
Could it be that a threesom is sometimes hard to balance out.
My two best friends are also part of a threesom of sisters and complain about the same thing.

[sewer rat]

Just like PW, I too have never been a bridesmaid.
When OH and I decided to leave London, she initially suggested moving to Belfast to be near her family. Given that it was all still kicking off over there, I said no. She them suggested Glasgow to be near my family. I left Glasgow when I was 17, and have worked all over the UK and never felt the need to be that close (distance wise) to my family, so again said no. We moved to Inverness and that wasn't quite far enough north so we moved 35 miles further north and now we love where we are.
My family are three hours away, just enough to see them for a weekend when we want and to keep them from just popping round for a coffee.
Has it's down points with the kids and ready made babysitters etc but I had enough of family politics back then and don't wanna get involved again - two family feuds that have lasted the best part of 25years and still no resolution.

Getting back to the point - you chose to move away for your independence and I'm sure you do not regret this decision. As for being a bridesmaid, aren't married sisters supposed to be Matrons of Honour - or is that just a Scots / Irish thing ??

[theloon in the moon]

in the words of my great late father , keep smiling it fxxxxs em !

[kirsty b]

I have never been a bridesmaid and also feel all left out

You can be mine Piglet, how does full length, strapless, champagne satin grab yer?

Seriously though Tammy
My family all live about 40 minutes down the M11 from me, and all within 5 miles of each other. My sister who lives less than half a mile from my dad doesn't see him any less often than I do and she's within walking distance. I only see any of them if I get in the car and go to them. Invites over here are met with 'its such a long drive', the distance is no less for me though! I try to get over every few weeks and see everyone while there.
I used to be jealous of my younger sis cos she was in the Navy travelling all over etc and Dad was always banging on about it. Said something to Claire once and her reply was all he ever goes on about is you and Lauren etc etc.
Once we both realised he wasn't playing favourites, we got a bit more relaxed about things!!

[HeyWayne]

I've been a bridesmaid and it's rubbish! The best man really wasn't.