The Gardeners Rest #3

[smallblueplanet]

"Did someone mention a drink? I'd love a half of Old Fat Red's stout!"

"Hey Peter I heard 'Someone's been digging your potatoes'...is it true"?

"So how's it going everybody? I've been on the wagon since last year, but have decided it's time to fall off, so here I am again!

Oh btw I think your nuts are done now Piggy, any longer and they'll explode."

[scarey55]

Suddenly, there was a loud BANG - guess what...

[SarzWix]

The door flies open, bangs against the wall, and bounces back nearly knocking over the hunched up figure, bundled in coat, shawls & hat making it's way over the threshold. The figure seems to be muttering under it's breath...

"Woe is me..., Woe is me..., Woe is me..., Woe is me..., Woe is me...,"

Nobody speaks, everyone looks round at each other, confusion written on their faces

The figure carries on towards the bar, still muttering. Suddenly it stops dead, throws it's head back and yells "Didn't you hear me? I said WOE IS ME!!"

Suddenly, Piglet bursts out from behind the bar, shouting "Outside!!! You stoopid woman, you've been taking those bl**dy pills again haven't you?" And hustles the figure back out of the door, banging it quite as loudly as the strange figure had on the way in....

"Well!! What on earth was THAT all about??" said Auntie Flum & Auntie Mo in unison...

[Peter]

Suddenly, there was a loud BANG - guess what...

One of Piglet's nuts had exploded.

"Never mind," he said reaching down for a plate and decanting the rest of the nuts from the smoking shovel into the plate, then rummaging under his chair he grinned and said, "I've got a whole sackful of sweet chesnuts down here."
Nicos was now nibbling on one of Piglets nuts, "Mmm, tasty."
She was debating whether to let the pig out of the sack, let the cat out of the bag, spill the beans, dish the dirt, or stay shtumm.
Finally she made her mind up, standing up on increasingly shaky feet, she announced, "Everyone, I have an announcement to make, .......

[Peter]

"Bugger" though Nicos as she struggled to get to her feet from where Piglet had thrown her and the overcoat kept fighting her back down in the mud.

"Those vitamin pills are causing me so many problems!"

[Nicos]

Needless to say Pierre Lapin came to the rescue ( yet again....such a hero!) bundling both Nicos and SarzWix out of the mud and trundling them back into the Gardeners Rest in his little red wheelbarrow.

"Now come along girls- dry your pretty frocks in front of the fire! The evening is young and there is plenty of news to catch up with"

[Nicos]

Scarey had all this time been fumbling about in her handbag...and quietly passed Piglet a plaster..." I think you'll be needing this mate"

[Peter]

Scarey had a bit of a headache now. "Being a pre-cognative first aider had its drawbacks" she thought as Nicos daintily drew back her arm and landed a haymaker on piglet saying "That was no way to treat a lady, now take your medicine, use your plaster and shut up!"
Piglet did as he was told and then put his nuts back on the fire, not noticing Peter had put the sack in his little red wheelbarrow and was now trundling them out of the door.
As Peter tried to trundle out, he was knocked right back into the corner seat by a wild eyed, twelve toed figure clutching a cows horn packed with goats manure to its chest.
......

[Hazel at the Hill]

.......'evening all!' said Wellie - anyone got some pinny grunge on the go?

[yoanbob]

Just then Bob came up from the cellar with a barrel on his leg,
"I'SH SHWOPPED THE BEER OVER, WITCHESHSHSHS BREW ISH NOW GONE, ITSH NOW CHRISHSHMAS CHEERYBEER" and promptly fell over.
"so thats what that noise in the cellar was" said beefy looking at the barrel on Bobs leg
"oh dear" said Flum"Yo wont be happy when she sees him.

Mrs Dobby and Yo were outside tying the red ribbons in the trees around the green when they heard
"WOE IS ME"
" we better get her home and in a nice warm bubble bath" said Mrs Dobby
"and Im gonna bury those pills once and for all" said Yo
as they took Sarzwiz between them and set off.

[SueA]

They heard a plaintive cry of 'Here Kitty, Kitty' coming from the woods & spotted SueA wandering around...' I'm looking for a little cat I can hear crying somewhere' she said.
'That's not a cat' said Yo, 'it's Nick the Grief, he's been stuck up that tree for ages & won't come down.'
'Wave some Rhubarb Schnapps underneath it & he'll be down like a shot' said Mrs. D.
Just then a strange figure appeared out of the woods & approached the Gardeners Rest...

[Nicos]

On first glance it looked like Mrs Doolittle ...but no...it was only Lynda carrying a bunny , a kitten,some running ducks and chooks

" someone looking for a lost kitten ?" she asked

Her strangely shaped bosom was suddenly revealed....she was incubating her next batch of eggs tucked into her bra.
" My little babies will be hatching soon- I thought people would like to hear their little chirps"

[HayleyB]

Lynda's asbo appeared from behind a tree spotted the bunny and promptly had a nervous breakdown.

There was a huge commotion with barks and howls and in staggered Cloud "Bladdy dogs, they're revolting, something I said set 'em off don't know why"

[MaureenHall]

Auntie Flum and Auntie Mo had had a couple of glasses too many of the pea-pod wine. "Stop making me laugh" said Auntie Mo, "I'm laughing that hard the tears are running down my legs"

[Nicos]

" Those aren't tears Auntie Mo!!!It's.......

"....Bob's CHRISHSHMAS CHEERYBEER"
"Look it's dripping down through the ceiling!!!!"

Piglet ( who had been quietly cuddling Lynda's bra...ummm I mean eggs) rushed out of the room with Beefy and Bubblewrap ( who had only just walked in).....