Does the naughty step work?

[NOG]

The best part of managament is to employee an apprentice and pay him out of the stationary budget and nick the pens from the finance office.

[rustylady]

Does anyone have any experience of this working please?

I spent an hour "doing" the naughty step last night (just as dinner was ready which made it even more of a pain) with Daniel (3). Then when he had finaly had the 3 consecutive minutes I knelt down to get the appology and he hit me round the face - as I wear glasses it really really hurt so I am afraid I smaked his hand. (next wave of guilt)
Tammy

Tammy, stop worrying about the psychology. It is totally unacceptable for a 3 year old to be smacking you (especially in the face). At 3 he is a bit young for the punishment followed by apology process. If he is misbehaving forget the step (which is too easy to get off). Do you have a playpen or cotbed he can't get out of? If so use that and put him in there till he cools down. When you get him out tell him if he can't be good he'll go back and stick to it.

[di]

I know this thread was started by a GOOD mum shocked at her own reaction, but.........dammit didn't it just highlight how much we are all the same, all trying to do the best despite the constraints laid on us by a nanny state? pity government forgot to listen to us, the ones that have to do it day after day, and do it damn well.

....I think the best thing you can do when you're having one of them..."God,I'm a sh1t mum" days,is chat to a few other mums....it's what's helped me realise we're all as human as each other,& after all...how can we teach our kids to be decent human beans if we attempt to be anything but human??..& IMHO a textbook perfect mum just aint human!!!
Pleased you're feeling better about yourself now Tammy,xx

[FionaH]

every child thats basically a little b***ard, now has adhd or something ........ why do they not realise with some (not all some are genuine i admit) af the little s***s if they'd had the odd smack when they were little they would have learned to control themselves much younger, and actually respond to a bit of discipline

Have to admit I agree with you on this one. My youngest, (see earlier post) DOES have ADHD. That said I have never let him use it as an excuse for bad behaviour. He has had to work hard at self restraint and control. He still uses the breathing techniques mentioned earlier. He responds so much better in a disciplined enviroment where the boundaries are clear and consistent.

Having said that he's gone to a party tonight and a fiver says he comes home half cut

[Kayt]

Kids don't come with a set of instructions. Everyone of them is different and what works with one won't necessarily work with another but the basics are the same; they need to know the rules, the boundaries and that they are loved and your kids will know that Tammy I'm sure. Being a parent is just about the hardest but most rewarding job in the world and we don't get any training. Follow your instincts and your heart and you won't go far wrong. My kids are now all grown up and I have 2 grandchildren but there are a couple of incidents when I lost my cool and they laugh now and say they knew they'd gone too far. They were never aware of how guilty I felt but did appreciate the Mars Bar cake and flapjacks I would make to make it up to them!!
Your kids will be fine Tammy. You had a bad day and I'm sure little one will forget about it sooner than you do. My daughter uses the naughty step with a timer for her 4 year old and it does work. He thought he was onto a winner when he stayed with me as I have no stairs so I showed him the naughty cushion - just in case!!

[ailsasyl]

Its taken me a while to read through all the posts, it just shows we are all human and make mistakes, we would have to have no emotions not too, When Happybunny was younger I used to count to three. "If you don't do.... by the time I count to three, .....will happen. Only once I got to three, the count always went 1,2, 2 1/4,2 1/2, 23/4, 3. Done with gaps in between allowing her time to process what was being asked. You have to follow through, if you say at three tv is going off, your going to your room etc then do it.
Have to say HB has been fairly easy, only two big tantrums on both occasions at home, on each occasion I got up and left the room, if she followed me I moved again, not talking, once she realised she wasn't going to get a reaction, she stopped.
When out I have always engaged her in the activity, shopping trips she always had to help, find me green apples, count out five etc, as a result she always wants to come food shopping even if given the opportunity to stay at home. As soon as she was walking the rule was you hold my hand, if she didn't she was put back in the buggy, by the time we were going out without the buggy she knew she had to stay with us, she did try and run of once, we were in a park, I shouted stop very loudly, she stoppe looked at me laughed and went to run again, I shouted Bye then and walked in other direction, stopping out of sight, she turned and came back, I was lucky though that this was in a park with lots of other mums about who had seen what was happening an were able to keep an eye on her.
Now she's 13 and hormones are kicking in so am bracing myself for the I hate mum, the world days so far I've joked with her when she's got up in a strop, she don't like it but as I'm laughing even when she grumpy and biting my head off, she has nothing to react against an so far has ended up laughing too!!

[Hilary B]

My kids got smacked if I thought they needed it (which was rare, probably about a dozen times in total with the 2 of them). On one occasion (they were about 8 and 10, as far as I can remember) they, with a neighbour's children, were fighting over a pet goat in a manner that was abuse of the animal (fortunately it didn't get injured, but I suspect if no-one had intervened it would have suffered seriously). I sent them to their room while we all cooled off, then I offered them a choice of punishment, a smacking, or bed straight away (this was early afternoon). They both opted for the smacking, and afterwards it was ALL OVER! That was the last time I ever smacked either of them, about 20 years ago.

With a small child, SHOUTING isn't the answer, but saying 'no' so abruptly that it is almost like smacking will sometimes gain attention just when needed.

NEVER use psycholgical punishments. I can still recall my Mum doing that to me, but I can't recall a single time my Dad smacked me (I suspect it didn't happen often, but it must have worked). There are a lot of ways of telling a child that you don't love him/her. Smacking (as long as it isn't a beating) is much less traumatic. Yes ideally we never smack them, but most of us are not perfect parents, and even less of us have perfect children.
"There is always a reason" for unacceptable behaviour, but SOMETIMES the reason is "because I can". That is the moment for a penalty, whether it be taking away a favourite toy, going to bed early, or a sore seat.