favourite comedians?

Morecambe and Wise.

Jokes - too many to mention.

valmarg

Mike Harding.


BRING ON THE ROSY-CHEEKED GIRLS

Bring on the rosy-cheeked girls
The smiling ones, the light-footed dancers,
Those that sing with their eyes,
Those with the warm breasts and soft hands,
Those that look deep in the eyes,
Not at the garbage of garb.
Bring on the dark, the fair, the brown as a berry,
Bring them all on with their wet laughing mouths,
The fat, the thin, the short, and the lanky,
But let them be filled of life as a pod with peas,
Let them feel as company comfortable as an old friendly jacket,
young or old,
And most of all . . . let them be merry.

And then take all the others,
All the tight-lipped, crab-faced, mewling, mithering,
Niggardly, sour-faced, crab-mouthed,
Cold-titted, tight-arced, moaning,
Sullen, frozen-legs-together,
Money-grubbing bitches, and
Take them and heap them together
On some blear and dreary moor
In the howling sleet
And moaning drizzle of November. . . and leave them there,
For it deserves them And they each other.

Then bring on the lads,
The smiling lads,
The open-handed, shoulder-to-the-wheel lads,
Lame dogs helped over stiles lads,
Take a pint, stand a corner lads,
Good laughing lads,
Lads with a quart of life in their hands
And eyes that look straight . . .
Bring on the tall, the short, the long,
The runners, the walkers,
Those that can hammer, those that can turn out a song
Bring on the fat, the thin, the bald and the hairy,
Young or old,
So long as they sup life by the gallon . . .
So long as they're merry.

Then take all the others,
The sly-eyed, twisty-mouthed grabbers and fumblers,
The shifty-faced, two-tongued, leadswinging lizards,
The snotty-nosed, mardy-arsed bullies
And false friends . . .
And stick them up to their necks
In the foulest stink-pot of an old bog
You can find . . . head down . ..
And leave them there.

But for God's sake not too near
That moor with all the old whores . . .
If they meet up and breed
We're all buggered.

Saw Mike Harding in Derby in 1982/ish. Rubbish!!!!

valmarg

Cant remember any specific jokes but Lee Evans makes me laugh soooo much I get stomach cramps. His jokes that envole his wife are always funny.

Jimmy Cricket makes me laugh!

Heres HIS own all time favourite:-

Three builders--English, Scottish and Irish, are all working at the top of a high rise building. They have their lunch break and start to eat their sandwiches. the Englishman says "Ham again! I'm sick of ham. If I have ham again tomorrow I'll throw myself of this building"
The Scotsman say's " Spam again! I'm sick of spam. If I have spam again tomorrow I'll throw myself off this building"
The Irishman say "Jam again! I'm sick of jam. If I have jam again tomorrow I'll throw myself off this building"

The next day comes and predictably they all have the same sandwiches and throw themselves off the building. At the joint funerals`their widows are consoling each other and the English widow says " I can't understand my
George, if he had said anything I would have
changed his sandwiches" The Scottish widow says " I cant understand Andrew, if he had said anything I would have changed his sandwiches" And the Irish widow says "I can't understand my Patrick. He used to make his own sandwiches!!!"

Thanks for that Bubblewrap.

I find Rory Bremner funny. He's got all those charlatans who pass for politicians off to the inch.

I should have to say, for sheer 'staying power' its got to be Ken Dodd. Hilariously funny, not an 'f-word' in hearing distance, and by golly you get value got money!!!

valmarg

Yes I love Norman Wisdoms act too.....unfortunatly Norman does it better than Lee.

Dave Allen and more recently Alan Carr and off course the great Mr Peter Kay!!!

My Fav at the moment is that pair of Scottish Fools Blair and Brown.....

Mitchell & Webb for me

YouTube - Green Clarinet - That Mitchell and Webb Look

Cracks me up every time!! I am quite immature though!

coming from Cornwall it just has to be Jethro (my dad does a brilliant impression)

favourite joke: don't want to be banned from the vine for too many profanities in a single post.

As a teenager I can remember standing outside the Fourburrows pub in Grampound Road whilst Jethro was doing his turn, every half hour one of our parents would turn up with bag of crisps or bottle of coke, we would be laughing along with them inside but when an oldie turned up we would act all innocent

I agree Alison C...there was one night, me and my friend were watching his DVD and we couldn't speak for laughing/crying! very very funny indeed! Our OHs couldn't understand what we were laughing about! I guess it's just that sense of humour he has!

I also like Peter Kaye...Phoenix Nights is fab!

This made me LOL Nog! Although Brown does quite well as a solo act!