Biting children

[Glutton4...]

PMSL - Sorry, I know this is a serious thread, but I'm wetting myself at the last paragraph of Fi's post!!!!

[Poddington Pea]

I'm probably going to sound like a naive softie here but are you sure the bite was malicious?Daisy used to bite Ash when he was a babe but it was always when she was being affectionate.
Obviously they need to learn it's wrong whatever the intention...I never felt comfortable biting back but instead I'd place her hand under herr top teeth and give it a firm push...in effect making her bite herself.Also let her see how dissappointed I was with the behaviour.

I think it really is just a phase tyhat some go through and others don't,certainly doesn't signify you have a beast as a child so try not to be hard on yourself.

Daisy actually did a 'mean' bite a year or so later(we'd been playing at a new friends house and she'd not been allowed to touch any of the toys...a couple of hours in she was fed up and didn't have the vocabulary to put her feelings across so sunk her teeth in instead...I was mortified...apologised profusely and quickly made my exit,dragging her behind me...an hour later the phone rang and it was the Mum making sure I was OK

It wasn't malicious, it doesn't ever seem to be. He bites because he's frustrated, sometimes he does it because he's excited other times because.....well, just because! Today I think it was because kissing just wasn't enough for him! this baby has the lovliest chubby little arms and I think he just fancied sinking his teeth into them.
He has bitten other children a total of 3 times. I cannot count the number of times he has bitten me and left bruises. When he bites me it is through frustration at not being allowed to do something, sometimes because he is scared. He puts everything in his mouth and is definately stuck on the 'oral' stage of emotional development at the moment.
It's just difficult because I don't want people to talk (it's a small village) and for my son to get a reputation as a biter esp. as this may effect my work. He is a beautiful, outgoing, friendly, loving, bright child who loves nothing more than a kiss and a cuddle!

[Two_Sheds]

Not all men who had a smack as children grow up to be wife beaters.

Quite true, quite true. I used to be from the "give them a good smack" school myself.

In the town where I now live, there is a very strong culture of fighting & aggression. It's unbelievable: grown men in their 40s and 50s brag about getting into 'scraps' with each other. Women do it too; at nearly every wedding or funeral I hear about in this town someone's getting into a physical fight with another adult. Men hit wives; parents hit children; children hit other children. It's endemic, nobody bats an eyelid.

I don't understand the mentality.

[di]

! Today I think it was because kissing just wasn't enough for him! this baby has the lovliest chubby little arms and I think he just fancied sinking his teeth into them.
.
It's just difficult because I don't want people to talk (it's a small village) and for my son to get a reputation as a biter esp. as this may effect my work. He is a beautiful, outgoing, friendly, loving, bright child who loves nothing more than a kiss and a cuddle!

I honestly think that used to be Daisy's problem...was constantly told otherwise but you know your child best At eighteen months they still don't fully understand what's nice and what's not,which is where I found making Daisy bite her own hand helped...she felt HER teeth not someone elses and I think made the connection,...she only did it a few times.

Hope you manage to get it sorted,I can remember how distressed it used to make me feel.{{{hugs}}}

[Hilary B]

I find it more than a little tedious when smacking is equated with 'violence'. Smacking 'as routine' is a very bad idea, but if it is a 'not ruled out last resort', it may well be the tool needed in extreme circumstances.
There does have to be a 'senior partner' in the parent-child relationship, and it DOES have to be the parent, that means that the child must accept that sometimes what Mummy does is not allowed for the child! This is not achieved by smacking, or in fact by any 'penalty for misbehaviour' (and some such has to exist), it is achieved by having the stronger personality, includign a willingness to impose standards.

[Suky]

Children and dogs, they have to know who's in charge, they need to know the boundaries. I despair at parents who, when asked to remove their child from the mobility scooters in the store where I work, laugh and tell me 'he's just expressing himself'. So I explain that that's fine but can I have their address so I can send them the repair bill? Their lovely little monster can go home and express themselves there. I admire the mums who don't give into the child's tantrum when they can't have something, even if they scream the whole way round the store
Sorry, slightly off the original post but, thankfully, neither of mine were biters.

[Two_Sheds]

I find it more than a little tedious when smacking is equated with 'violence'. Smacking 'as routine' is a very bad idea

I know what you're getting at Hilary, and I'm no fan of the politically correct myself

Smacking is hitting though, isn't it? At school we try and teach the children they aren't allowed to hit (or kick, or bite) each other. They go home, and get walloped again for some misdemeanor, because their parents don't have the skills or the patience to find another way of controlling their offspring. They learn that hitting is how to deal with their problems (someone nicked their toy, so they hit them).

[rustylady]

He has bitten other children a total of 3 times. I cannot count the number of times he has bitten me and left bruises. When he bites me it is through frustration at not being allowed to do something, sometimes because he is scared. He puts everything in his mouth and is definately stuck on the 'oral' stage of emotional development at the moment.

It's just difficult because I don't want people to talk (it's a small village) and for my son to get a reputation as a biter esp. as this may effect my work. He is a beautiful, outgoing, friendly, loving, bright child who loves nothing more than a kiss and a cuddle!

For heaven's sake Poddington - he is little more than a baby himself. Yes, he does need to learn that some behaviour is unacceptable but I really think he is a bit young for the naughty step! And as for people talking, I think you worry too much. Anyone who has had children of their own know they are not perfect all the time if you are happy with him generally (you say he is a lovely child) then let the talkers (if there are any) get on with it.