Is it just me...?

[Marthaclematis]

Friends of mine have just become grandparents. Their daughter is eighteen and unemployed and the baby's father is absent (thankfully - as he was controlling and violent). My friends are supporting her emotionally and financially but of course she will get any benefits she is entitled to.
My gripe is that they are all celebrating - congratulations are being sent to 'the happy Grandparents and new mum' from all quarters.
Maybe it is just me but I really don't see anything to celebrate here. If she were my daughter I would feel very dissapointed indeed. All I can see is wasted opportunity and more burden for the welfare state.

[Nicos]

I can see where you're coming from...but if you look at it from another side- if it was your flesh and blood and your grandchild/ child, I'm sure you'd love it with all your heart- as I'm sure ( well sincerely hope) that they do too.

[Two_Sheds]

All I can see is wasted opportunity and more burden for the welfare state.

It might be like that, but doesn't need to be. With good support and access to training or education, she and the baby could prosper: JK Rowling did

[Marthaclematis]

Yes, there is no question that it will be loved and of course I would do the same. I just feel sad at the lack of expectation from the parents of this young girl - I went to school with her mum and she was very bright, could have gone to Uni if she'd stayed on at school but as no one in any generation of the family had ever gone before then it wasn't even a consideration. But that was thirty years ago. I like to think that each generation tries to do a little better than the next, that as parents you should want your children to take up the opportunities you didn't.
Then again, when I asked my friend if her daughter was clever like her she said "not at all, she wants to do is play at being a hairdresser". Lets hope she makes a very good one!

[Two_Sheds]

I just feel sad at the lack of expectation from the parents

Yes, but in some cases it's a realistic expectation. Many girls, if they went to work and saved up for years, still couldn't afford a house and a baby. (Even if she had a working partner too.)

[Flummery]

Every baby is a little bundle of untapped potential and this in itself is a cause for celebration.

[Shadylane]

Absolutely! Obviously the situation may not be what you would hope for your own but what's done is done and all they're doing is being positive. Besides there is no more important a job than being a parent, personally I can't think of anything worse but everyone's different.

Not everyoone is cut out for a sparkling career, some are perfectly happy and fulfilled being stay at home mums/dads and there's nothing wrong with that.

[FionaH]

I think we all want better than we had for our kids. Sometimes however the situation changes and we need to adapt. Better the celebration than the whole "never darken my door again" routine

[womble]

A baby is a baby and full of joy. Sounds like the mother needs supporting and bigging up right now, not the depressing disappointment you want to give out.

[Marthaclematis]

On the contrary Womble, it would seem the depression and disapointment is all mine and mine alone

[womble]

Apparently so

[Brengirl]

I have been there My daughter at 16 was feeling unwell. Her symptoms made me suggest a trip to the docs. I went with her and learned that she was 5 months pregnant my heart sank for a moment until I saw her face. All I then wanted to do was love, protect and comfort her. Looking back I feel it was one of the proudest moments of my life. Her life from then on was not what had been expected or planned but the joy her baby girl brought was a bonus in our lives.

[piskieinboots]

...Better the celebration than the whole "never darken my door again" routine

Indeed

... it would seem the depression and disapointment is all mine and mine alone

I don't find it depressing but I do understand what you mean

[OverWyreGrower]

Friends of mine have just become grandparents. Their daughter is eighteen and unemployed and the baby's father is absent (thankfully - as he was controlling and violent). My friends are supporting her emotionally and financially but of course she will get any benefits she is entitled to.
My gripe is that they are all celebrating - congratulations are being sent to 'the happy Grandparents and new mum' from all quarters.
Maybe it is just me but I really don't see anything to celebrate here. If she were my daughter I would feel very dissapointed indeed. All I can see is wasted opportunity and more burden for the welfare state.

I know what you mean! My SIL has 2 small children under 4 and she is 20. She has no job or income other than benefits, her partner (the father) left her and the babies because he was 'bored'. Both babies were "accidents".

Although the children are gorgeous and lovely; I am still sad for SIL. She had so much potential that has been wasted. To have no qualifications of any sort, no partner, no income and no way out and to be congratulated for it seems backwards in my eyes.

Mind you, when I voice this, apparantly I'm jealous and bitter...

[Two_Sheds]

To have no qualifications of any sort, no partner, no income and no way out and to be congratulated for it seems backwards in my eyes.

Mind you, when I voice this, apparantly I'm jealous and bitter...

oh dear, who calls you bitter? I get called selfish for not having children (that I couldn't afford)

It is incredibly sad that teenage girls see no career route other than child+flat+benefits. In the worse-case scenario, that child will grow up seeing no reason to work, no reason to have aspiration.
I work with lots of children who'd do better with different parents