Grape Help Please... would it be impolite to...

[enrich100]

well I was going to ask you all for cash so I could pay for my wedding so no its not rude at all

[Alison]

I would welcome being able to give money for birthdays or Christmas, but my DIL believes that there is no thought behind a gift of money, so I'm not allowed to! I think it's very sensible of you to request money and if you give the reasons, I am sure your family will be only too pleased to agree.

Money CAN be a lazy gift, especially if the giver just can't be bothered to make an effort to think what the person would like - I have a friend who's boyfriend will write out a large (and I mean very large) cheque for presents but only give it 2 minutes thought. He thinks he's very generous but actually is very mean with his time and feelings but that's another story

Re the OP, I think it could seem a bit strange if you write a letter out the blue talking about Christmas presents if nobody else has raised the point. However, if they're already talking about presents and somebody asks you what you want then it seems perfectly reasonable to explain what you want. There is a vast difference between the guy I mention above who tries to buy affection and somebody contributing to a particular need / item.

[Alison]

Further to my above post, I don't really like giving money with no purpose ie just shoving a tenner in an envelope but was quite happy to give my niece money towards some stuff for her new house as I know it'll be well used and appreciated. She's also promised to take some piccies to show me so I know what she's got with it (or put it towards at least )

[di]

I think it comes down to the way you ask...I'd open the chat with'Are we doing pressies this year?'...just in case they were waiting for the right moment to suggest everyone cuts down to save pennies this year.Then say how you'd prefer money to go towards the work you want doing.
Some people do prefer to give gifts though...and no matter how we might think the �5~�20 could have gone toward something more worthwhile,for them the trawling the shops finding the 'perfect'(in their eyes;gift,getting it home and spending time wrapping it and then watching you open it is an important part of Christmas...so if some sound less than keen,it might not be them being awkward...just their little way of enjoying Christmas....also,as Nicos says...do you really want only money to open Christmas morning...no matter how big or small there is something exciting about unwrapping gifts

[Patchninja]

I think Jeanies way is the way to go. Brilliant idea.

[quark1]

Perhaps a facilty whereby those who give cash might remain anonymous - ie blank evelope - marked cash gift - but no mention of amount - you log down who sends 'blank' cash and respond with appropriate 'ta very muchly' thankyou's after.

Some peeps may be strapped for cash and might actually be quite 'pleased' that just a couple of quid will actually do the job - rather than go out and spend upwards of a tenner to 'look' generous.

[bramble]

Why not just say "we are not doing gifts this year"
That way, you will not have to buy for friends and family and the money you save can be spent on your garden project.
Personally, I think its a step too far when it comes down to saying "don't bother buying us gifts, just give us the money to finish our garden project.
Just my opinion.

[Brengirl]

I think the same as you Bramble. In fact I was just about to post my point of view and you beat me to it.
Xmas has become such a very expensive season and instead of enjoying the social side most of us dread the expense involved I know it is for us having 20 grandchildren apart from kids and siblings.
Tell your family your plans for the house and suggest that you opt out this year. I am sure they will understand.

[Nicos]

Be aware that some peeps may have already bought your pressie- perhaps in the July sales

[OverWyreGrower]

We haven't 'bought' gifts for people in the usual way for 3 years now - we make hampers with my never-ending supply of jam and chutneys, and last year we made calendars with photos my OH had taken, so we don't go shopping in the traditional sense!

However, thanks for all your viewpoints - the discussion re presents hasn't happened yet, I am just trying to be organised!

[Incy]

I do think the box to remain anonymous suggestion is a good one. Both my brother and sister asked for money towards their wedding costs rather than gifts. They each made really lovely money boxes so that those who were giving money could just pop in an envelope or cash without it necessarily being visible who gave what.
It did make a huge difference for them and I don't think anyone minded.

[Glutton4...]

I do think the box to remain anonymous suggestion is a good one. Both my brother and sister asked for money towards their wedding costs rather than gifts. They each made really lovely money boxes so that those who were giving money could just pop in an envelope or cash without it necessarily being visible who gave what.
It did make a huge difference for them and I don't think anyone minded.

What a great idea!

[Hilary B]

Something like "since we've got a few projects to do this year, gifts that are things we would have to buy for ourselves would mean we can save up for our projects" might be a better idea than actually asking them to give cash. Some people just don't want to give money, because they don't see it as what the season is about, but they might buy you (for instance) a months supply of wsome non-perishable food you might normally get from the supermarket.