Man! It's hard work...

[di]

How did it go Chris?
Did you get your nights sleep?

[FionaH]

Oh I do feel for you! Youngest wouldnt sleep reliably through the night till he was 3! Tried the controlled crying and it just didnt work, I was scared the neighbours would ring social services as they had already complained after a week. My first son slept 12 hours straight at 6 weeks and I rather smugly thought it was because I had cracked this parenting lark, it was just luck! When the second turned out to be a banshee it was a hell of a shock.

Don't worry about the guilt, it goes with the territory I did once put youngest back in the cot with such "energy" he bounced, still feel bad about that and he is 17 now. And no, I can't get him out of his pit now either!

Very best of luck mate

[Rabidbun]

Ouch, yours is worse at sleeping than mine was! *hugs* They do settle (temporarily at least, blech), but don't hold out for how soon.

I cracked at a year and pulled the wee one in our room onto a mattress by the side of our bed - he slept only a little better but I didn't have to get up to feed him, so I managed better quality sleep by far and could often resettle with no more than a hand on his chest.

Hope the teething is good to you and things are still improving!

[HeyWayne]

There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.

Dude, just do what you need to do to get some sleep - it's important for the baby, and it's equally important for you. A sleeping house, is a happy house.

We got ourselves all in a tither because Bean 'wasn't sleeping' and sought advice from a thousand different sources.

Gina Ford works for some, it doesn't for others - controlled crying works for some, it doesn't for others - putting baby to sleep awake works for some, it doesn't for others.

Sometimes it feels like you've tried everything, sometimes you think that it will never end - sometimes you just wan't to scream the place down yourself.

Bean (like most babies) doesn't cry because he likes the sound of his own voice - it's always because there is something wrong. He can't tell us what that is at the moment so crying is his only way of communicating (although he babbles away in an almost comprehensible fashion now). He has been constantly teething since he was around 6 months old which hasn't helped. He's currently unwell with some sort of bug (raging temperature and off his food a bit), so he's not sleeping through. However, he is sleeping better than he used to - it does get better.

You do what you need to do for your family, and you'll be amazed at how quickly you'll look back and see things for what they are - an amazing time of discovery.

It's not always easy, but it's always special.

[lindyloo]

ugh-- nothing like lack of sleep to wear a person down. it's all changed nowadays, but when mine were young, i put some -we called it pablum-( baby cereal) in the last bottle to plump it up. i was dead keen on the burping, and burped and borped and burped them!!! and we let them stay up at that age, in whatever room we were in, until we were ready to go to bed, when it was the last "enhanced" bottle. just put her in a quiet corner, and dont go over to her continually- give her some toys, and let her occupy herself, so she gets used to you being in the background, but not entertaining her.

i would have some low, soothing music in the room with her when she goes to bed, and i would just relax, and try not to stick with a schedule- the main thing is to get at least 6 hours sleep, so you can function the next day; i would establish a rota, so that each night, only one of you is responsible for baby, and the other gets a good undisturbed night's sleep, at least every other night.!

if that means keeping her up til 10-11 at night, until she gets into a habit of sleeping for longer stretches, then i would go for it. also, fresh air and a drive in the car, or in pushchair always helped.

but mostly- i would just relax and do what works for you, not the baby, once i had established that there isnt a medical reason for her not settling.

[organic]

I must be out of my mind!
I read that and still want kids.

[Polly Fouracre]

Take her into bed with you, that's where baby primates should be. Sleep propped up on pillows and have her on your chest. I guarantee she will sleep peacefully through the night.

[Flummery]

Oh poo! Our lad - now 35 - didn't sleep all night till he went to school! We're still here. Raddle and grey, but you DO live through it. Daughter tried controlled crying with hers. It worked. Would have broken my heart though - I'm a softie.

[Rhona]

I can't add much, we have a two-year old and a nine-month old, and they're not bad with sleeping by any means, but we did (and do) have 'challenging' periods (still got some to come I expect!). We never tried putting either of them 'down' until they were about 7 months. They stayed up with us, then gradually the little nap at 8.00 p.m. became bedtime. If they cry, then we generally take them into our bed, although Gabriela can usually be settled now if she wakes.

It's harder with the first baby, we've found. We're not strict at all, and as I don't work now, we didn't have need for a strict wake/sleep timetable. My big sis is VERY strict and Gina Ford-ed her little boy from a young age; different things work for different people.

My only tips are dead obvious ones, which you're almost certainly doing, regular bath, milk, sleepy routine at around the same time; and maybe try propping up the back cot feet a little bit - that worked for both of ours at different times.

It can be terribly hard, but the thing that I always try to remember, feeling terrible at 3.30 a.m. for the 4th night running, that these are such precious times, and gone so quickly. I really don't mean that in a patronising way, just that I found it helpful to actively remind myself of it in those grim hours...

It's the bestest and hardest thing in the world, innit?

[jackyspratty]

Hmm what can I add? Oh yeas "the rag" technique!
Both mine had something soft that they liked the feel of. My 4 year old had an old winsiette pillowcase (which has now disintograted!) which I slept with for a few nights to give it my scent! The material went ino the cot with them at bedtime.
It seemed to work as a comforter. I know its a bit snoopyish! Boys dragging around blankets and all that!

My 4 year old has recently confiscated a velvet scarf off of me that he uses in the same way! My 7 year old still has his 1 remaining bit left (I think it was a bit of cotton material from Ikea!) but doesn't really take much notice of it now (thankfully!)

Try it you never know! Main thing is to stick at what you try, hard I know, but routine needs time to develop. Oh yeah, lavender oil, lots of it!

[HeyWayne]

We've recently had news of another pending arrival in the family and we're keen not to be the 'well, we did it like this, and you should try this..." kind of people. Every baby's different - even in the same family, rarely will any two babies act the same.

Funnily enough, we were talking just the other night how we no longer burp Bean. We've no idea when we stopped, it just happened. I think the sleep thing will be much the same - good luck.

[lindyloo]

i second the suggestion that you have baby in the bedroom with you; i did this, and there was no problem later on, when they wanted to be grown-up, and have thier own room. much easier to just reach over and pat the child, while you are still comfy in bed- quite often they fall back asleep. the thing is, they have to develop a body clock which tells them that they sleep for the desired length of hours at night time, and if the books or latest theory doesnt work for your little freespirit, just do what works for you, and if all else fails, shut the door, turn off the monitor, and let them cry themselves out. millions of babies previously managed, before we had monitors, and whatever theory was in vogue ( i dont think i ever read a parenting manual in my life) i think the main thing is to relax- babies are like animals- they can always tell when you are tense, and they ussually use it as a trigger to behave in the way you want them to stop doing. if you cant bear to leave her to cry, go into the next room and read a book or something, until ten or fifteen minutes after, you no longer hear any noise. by going in after she has cried for - did you say 20 minutes-, she just knows that if she keeps on long enough you will go in.

[OverWyreGrower]

Berlimey! I dont have kids (yet), and am now appropriately scared!!!

Agree!!

It was hard enough with the puppies, who needed to be taken outside every couple of hours in the middle of the night....

[chris]

Firstly thanks for all the thoughts peeps - really appreciated. It's nice to be part of this brilliant community

Couple of direct replies, but still have read all and appreciate the replies!

How did it go Chris?
Did you get your nights sleep?

Pretty good thank you - may have been a fluke night though. 20mins, she felt alseep, she woke about an hour later (pretty usual), went in, did the 10mins thing again, back in after 10 mins, turned her over from her belly and said sleep again and she went to sleep. Soon as I turned around and walked out she screamed again, so I turned around to look at her, and she stopped crying and went to sleep when she saw me. Saw a toy on the floor, bent down to pick itup, she cried again - so stood back up and she could see me went to sleep?!

I think the "seperation" thing may be coming into it a bit too... so stood there for 2 mins until she was fast alseep and left.

Best nights sleep we've had with the baby in our house/under our control - she woke at 12:20 for a feed - not bad, normally its 10:30 before she'll scream for milk, then again at 04:30 - went back to sleep until 06:30 (when I popped my head in to make sure all was well!- she heard me and woke up with a massive grin, so thought she'd been amazing so we got her up then - she may have slept until 7ish I think as she was still doozing). But really pleased last night.

I didn't sleep though - wife did! I was expecting her to wake so couldn't switch off (it's just *awful* the moment you finally get to sleep to be wrenched back out of it by a scream!)

There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.

Dude, just do what you need to do to get some sleep - it's important for the baby, and it's equally important for you. A sleeping house, is a happy house.

We got ourselves all in a tither because Bean 'wasn't sleeping' and sought advice from a thousand different sources.

Gina Ford works for some, it doesn't for others - controlled crying works for some, it doesn't for others - putting baby to sleep awake works for some, it doesn't for others.

Sometimes it feels like you've tried everything, sometimes you think that it will never end - sometimes you just wan't to scream the place down yourself.

Bean (like most babies) doesn't cry because he likes the sound of his own voice - it's always because there is something wrong. He can't tell us what that is at the moment so crying is his only way of communicating (although he babbles away in an almost comprehensible fashion now). He has been constantly teething since he was around 6 months old which hasn't helped. He's currently unwell with some sort of bug (raging temperature and off his food a bit), so he's not sleeping through. However, he is sleeping better than he used to - it does get better.

You do what you need to do for your family, and you'll be amazed at how quickly you'll look back and see things for what they are - an amazing time of discovery.

It's not always easy, but it's always special.

Thanks for that HeyWayne, really nice. I can echo the same things. Bean his real name or a nickname? I know someone called Bean - like it also quite apt for your gardening activities too

Hmm what can I add? Oh yeas "the rag" technique!
Both mine had something soft that they liked the feel of. My 4 year old had an old winsiette pillowcase (which has now disintograted!) which I slept with for a few nights to give it my scent! The material went ino the cot with them at bedtime.
It seemed to work as a comforter. I know its a bit snoopyish! Boys dragging around blankets and all that!

My 4 year old has recently confiscated a velvet scarf off of me that he uses in the same way! My 7 year old still has his 1 remaining bit left (I think it was a bit of cotton material from Ikea!) but doesn't really take much notice of it now (thankfully!)

Try it you never know! Main thing is to stick at what you try, hard I know, but routine needs time to develop. Oh yeah, lavender oil, lots of it!

Thanks, we tried this (as well a dummy - she would never take one). The scarf thing sort of worked for us (my t-shirt) but it soon wore off when she realised we weren't there

Take her into bed with you, that's where baby primates should be. Sleep propped up on pillows and have her on your chest. I guarantee she will sleep peacefully through the night.

&

i second the suggestion that you have baby in the bedroom with you; i did this, and there was no problem later on, when they wanted to be grown-up, and have thier own room. much easier to just reach over and pat the child, while you are still comfy in bed- quite often they fall back asleep. the thing is, they have to develop a body clock which tells them that they sleep for the desired length of hours at night time, and if the books or latest theory doesnt work for your little freespirit, just do what works for you, and if all else fails, shut the door, turn off the monitor, and let them cry themselves out. millions of babies previously managed, before we had monitors, and whatever theory was in vogue ( i dont think i ever read a parenting manual in my life) i think the main thing is to relax- babies are like animals- they can always tell when you are tense, and they ussually use it as a trigger to behave in the way you want them to stop doing. if you cant bear to leave her to cry, go into the next room and read a book or something, until ten or fifteen minutes after, you no longer hear any noise. by going in after she has cried for - did you say 20 minutes-, she just knows that if she keeps on long enough you will go in.

Yup, we've tried the co-sleeping thing, but when I turn in my sleep, she wakes, whinges for a bit until she can latch onto El's breast for comfort before going back to sleep - so still disturbing, but it's better than in her own room..

We discussed this until she old enough to understand "no", and "you're not sleeping in here with us anymore" - but after we spent a couple weeks sleeping apart (me in the spare room) you could kinda tell that our relationship wasn't the "same" if yo know what I mean. Wish it was the nookie hehe, but alas, I'm married and resigned to the fact that once a year is the done thing :P (will get a belt for that, I can tell ya!).

So yep, thanks again all!!

Tonight: 20mins again she's now alseep on her stomach... so not sure if I should turn her over, but El says she's fine to sleep on her belly now... Probably cry when she wakes and realises shes not on her back, but part and parcle of it I guess!

Fingers crossed she has another good night as I've a *load* of work to do, and various gardening jobs to get done too!!!

[Liza]

A pair of headphones and your fav CD turned up full volume helps !