help, How do you keep the green eyed monster at bay?

[minskey]

Hi peeps, I'm very low, don't know why. My partner is working away from home in london, only seen him half a dozen times since mid November. I don't know whay as he often works away but this time all my insicurities have surfaced........ I'm now convinced he is going to leave me, having an affair etc etc etc. I know its pathetic and not me to think those sort of things at all so why do am I doing so know? Weve been together for 13 years for goodness sake. Its tearing me apart, no I've not mentioned a thing to him. Is this only me????

[Two_Sheds]

If it was me, I would pop up and give him a surprise visit. Take champagne, book a restaurant, whatever - surprise him.

You will gauge from his reaction, how the land lies.

[Bigmallly]

As TS has said but you need to put your mind at rest. It is not a very nice place to be in where you are at the moment but you will come out of it.

[FROSTYFRECKLE]

Another vote for a surprise visit. A daft suggestion from me - take your mind off missing your partner so much. Take up a new hobby, evening class, voluntary work, anything to break the destruction thought pattern you have. If money permits perhaps arrange regular visits down to see him.

[zazen999]

Do you have any real reason to suspect him?

[FionaH]

If you don't have any real reason for these fears then the problem is with you, not him. I find if my self esteem is good I don't worry about these things. If it is low I turn into a gibbering basket case

Talk to him about things if it helps and look after yourself.

[ginger ninger]

That flipping green eyed monster has a nasty habit of creeping up on us Minskey, its a horrible feeling especially when your a bit low, I think most people have a running with it at one time or another, I agree with FROSTYFRECKLE try and find something to occupy your mind cos it dose have a nasty habit of playing trick's on us. Have you any reason to suspect your partner? Has this happened in past relationships and its making feel insecure now. Try not to give in to the monster it'll eat you up inside, but if it will put your mind at ease go and visit, make a weekend of it, have a meal, fun and remind your self why your together in the first place, but most of all talk to each other, try and let him know how this is making you feel, life's too short to be unhappy. Good Luck, I really hope you can find a solution. ((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))

[Glutton4...]

Awwww, big ((((HUGS)))) of reassurance from me! Have you told him you don't like him working away? I too have insecurities like that, having been out with the unfaithful type in the past. Luckily for me my Husband is more insecure about stuff like that than I am. It's probably just the time of year that's making you feel low. When he comes home for Christmas (I'm assuming he is coming home for Christmas ), give him a big cuddle and tell him straight - you don't like him working away. Try not to make him feel like he's abandoned you, but tell him you'd much rather he was around.

I don't know how people manage with partners that work away from home, especially those of you with partners in the forces - it must be truly awful. I couldn't do it!

Anyway, keep yourself busy, and don't give your mind time to play tricks on you. If you have no actual reason for suspecting him of anything, don't wind yourself up.

And remember - we're here if you want to have a ramble!

[Jeanied]

Minskey - you need some TLC fast!! Where can you get some? How about pre Christmas pampering session, or a girls' night out - or a bit of retail therapy?

[Nicos]

Whatever you do, don't sulk around him! If things are a bit dodgy from his point of you, you'll just put him off. If it's fine with him and you radiate happiness and love, then he'll be drawn even closer to you. I'm sure it's the latter, you're just feeling very lonely and thinking too much.
Maybe you should share your feelings of loneliness with him without being morose? ...but avoid the pointing finger approach.
I'm sur a bit of time together will hlp.
And yup- 'spoil/treat' yourself instead of spending your time waiting for him.

big hug lass- between you you'll sort things out xx

[northepaul]

It must be horrible for you, and if its any consolation, I have been in dark places before too. I send you remote good feelings and sympathy.

[minskey]

Crikey, you are ALL so nice.
I don't have any reason to suspect anything, I can't pop down [chooks & work] I wouldn't want to surprise him, it might be me that's surprised! He calls all the time. he is supposed to be home on xmas eve to go back boxing day so hope the snow dissapears. The event ends in the 1st week of January. he is none the wiser as to how I feel, I'm always cheerful and happy to hear him when he calls and when he has been able to come home. Silly arn't I.

[Eco-Chic]

I think you're being very good about not burdening your OH with your insecurities. Can't be nice for him being away from you and your home either. It's okay to tell him that you hate him being away because you miss his company but you're really looking forward to this assignment ending so you can both be together.

You feel, how you feel. It's not silly at all. What you do about your feelings is what counts. Keep your chin up. You can always tell him how miserable you felt when he is back home for good, but you felt you had to put a good face on it because you didn't want to make him miserable too.

[minskey]

ecochick, I will, Thank you and thank you all.

[miffy]

I think you need to talk to him, he will be missing home just as much as you are missing him. Don't let feelings like this fester as it will all come out at the wrong time and in the wrong place.. I am sure he will be touched you miss him so much and do as others have suggested arrange that you go to see him on a regular basis so that you can break up the time apart, he would really appreciate that i am sure and it will put your mind at rest too.