really annoyed, need to rant

[Glutton4...]

Sorry Hun - I didn't think of that!

My Sister used to live with a fella who had a daughter from his previous marriage. She would have nothing whatsoever to do with the little girl, and resented every moment her fella spent with his daughter (one short sunday a fortnight!). Funny how tables turned and she was the one with the child!

I appreciate it's difficult, but you're doing the right thing, and making the little one feel secure and happy when she's with you. Good for you!

[zazen999]

Hiya.

I used to get this - but now I just don't book anything until we get her. But, OH's ex isn't doing it for any reason, she's just hopeless at telling him what's going on.

We have her on fridays one week and thursday night until about now [OH takes her swimming for 7:45 and drops her back afterwards] on other weeks - it's pretty constant but for the parties/friends to visit etc. I just go with the flow and remind myself that I'm that last to know whatever is arranged. The main gripe is that she never answers her phone or listens to the messages left; but expects him to jump.

What used to get me is when I got her stuff, such as book 1 in a series, her mum would then buy the rest of it. Or I'd plan on taking her to see a film she wanted to see, and then her mum would take her. That's why I stopped planning stuff...I got really annoyed when I spent an hour persuading her to read Lemony Snickett and then found her mum bought the rest of the series for her once she read the first one!!! All my birthday and christmas pressies out the window for that year - thanks!

It is funny when the OH moans to me about her - and I tell him to divorce her then...oh you already did...and give him that 'what do you want me to do about it then???' look.

[Two_Sheds]

The main gripe is that she never answers her phone or listens to the messages left; but expects him to jump.

What used to get me is when I got her stuff, such as book 1 in a series, her mum would then buy the rest of it.

Yep, and yep
I used to make cakes with her, and wrap some up to go home ..We have bought gifts like books, toys, clothes for her ... they get sent back the next week.

[Rhona]

I used to make cakes with her, and wrap some up to go home .. until she let it slip that Mummy puts them straight in the bin

We have bought gifts like books, toys, clothes for her ... they get sent back the next week. Nothing is said, they are just put back in her overnight bag and returned to us.

Gosh that's so mean! I've never been in a similar position so no experience of anything like that, but blimey! The 'ears stuffed with venom' thing is so sad for that little girl. And unbelievably annoying for you. You can only carry on doing what you're doing. She's lucky to have you in her life. It's a b*mmer that your weekends are fraught. LIke you say - roll on Spring. Can you persuade her to do little jobs on the lottie now she's a wee bit older? She could have her own little patch!

Or is that a dreadful idea 'cos it's your place of escape...

[zazen999]

Yep, and yep
I used to make cakes with her, and wrap some up to go home .. until she let it slip that Mummy puts them straight in the bin

We have bought gifts like books, toys, clothes for her ... they get sent back the next week. Nothing is said, they are just put back in her overnight bag and returned to us. So now everything we buy stays here.

Of course, we are allowed to buy the big, very expensive Xmas gifts, that's acceptable

To be fair...our little one's mummy never gets her hands on cakes/bikkies we send her home with - she hides them and doesn't share!

And they keep all the clothes we buy...to the extend of her being threatened with having to go shopping in pjs because she has no clothes, even though we/I buy her plenty. It's not vindictive, just forgetfulness. She gets sent home in school shoes now since I pointed out how many pairs of shoes had gone awol.

Luckily, she's getting a mobile for xmas [she's in senior school now and walks to school so having one is a good idea - as long as she doesn't lose it], so I can text her on it to tell her she needs to pack clothes to bring back.

[OverWyreGrower]

Oh dear.... my best friend has had this for years... when she met her husband, there were 2 children involved - one at 3 and one at about 12

They were sent over with bags full of dirty clothes, or no clothes except for what they were wearing. 'Mum' often stuffed them full of crisps and biscuits so they weren't hungry and were hyperactive all night.

I vividly remember going camping with them, and the kids had been picked up and driven straight to the Lakes. 'Mum' knew they were going camping. They had no warm clothes, no suitable shoes packed, eldest (girl) had no clean underwear for the weekend etc.

They used to keep a whole second wardrobe of clothes for the kids, so that it didn't matter what was packed, they always had something to wear.

'Mum' is also very good at arranging things so they clash with time at their dads, so they have to be back early, or don't go until later etc.

Now, the eldest is 17 and can see right through what her 'mum' tries to do. She lets it all wash over her - all the little lies and venom that is spouted out, she takes it all with a pinch of salt. She has also started staying over more than at her 'mum's' as she prefers it with her dad and stepmum.

My friend always just takes a deep breath and smiles. She has always been nothing but polite to the kids' mum, which winds 'mum' up a lot!
She has realised that now the kids are older (9 and 17) they see her as a friend and confidante, and have a very special relationship with her.

It will get better, honest!! (((HUG)))

[Two_Sheds]

They were sent over with bags full of dirty clothes, or no clothes except for what they were wearing. 'Mum' often stuffed them full of crisps and biscuits so they weren't hungry and were hyperactive all night.

I vividly remember going camping with them, and the kids had been picked up and driven straight to the Lakes. 'Mum' knew they were going camping. They had no warm clothes, no suitable shoes packed, eldest (girl) had no clean underwear for the weekend etc.

'Mum' is also very good at arranging things so they clash with time at their dads,

It's all kicked off again this weekend.
Little One was in a funny mood (over-tired) and was up 3 times in the night. We all got hardly any sleep.

Next day, World War 3 has broken out. The Ex has phoned Mr Sheds up and says Little One has accused me of "bullying" her. It's laughable, ridiculous. We both know it, but now The Ex is saying that Little One doesn't want to stay with us again.

[rustylady]

Call her bluff. Get Mr Sheds to tell her he wants to formalise access arrangements through a solicitor.

Regarding the party clothes, get Mr Sheds to take you both shopping and buy some jeans, trainers and tops that can be kept at your house. No need to spend a fortune, Asda do good childrens clothing.

[FionaH]

Oh heck Two Sheds, what a nightmare. I think you are right about going for formal access. If you get it all above board in writing there is less the ex and her new bloke can do to put the kybosh on it.

Chin up mate

[zazen999]

I agree; she needs another set of clothes just at your house.

And agree to the formal arrangements; what a nightmare.

xxx

[Hans Mum]

if its the new husband 'pulling the strings' youre on a hiding to nothing, when my ex got together with his (now) wife she felt threatened by me and DD and wanted him to stop seeing (and paying maintenance) for DD (As if!!!) Its got progressively worse over the last 12 years and now they are married with their own kids he barely sees DD because new wife won't allow it/makes it difficult. To the point that its his birthday today DD rang his mobile last night to ask when she could go see him (she's 16 now) and wifey answered his mobile and said they'd be busy all day and evening (B**CH) DD knows its her not him (and he's too weak to stand up to her) and has gradually accepted the situation and knows the score and hopefully Mr Sheds daugther will eventually see through the manipulation as mine has. How old is your Little One? if she's still quite young I would definately apply for proper access then the new husband can't argue with a court order. Hope you manage to resolve something it's not nice when kids are used to score points.

[HeyWayne]

My sympathies - it's always sad when you hear of adults using children as point scorers.

Proper access all the way.

[Two_Sheds]

I agree; she needs another set of clothes just at your house.

Yes, we had a set of pants, tops, jeans etc. She refused to wear them, they weren't HSM

Oh, the other thing this weekend... she's been told I have "germs"

[rustylady]

Germs!!! Oh dear, any idea what sort of germs? You need to be keeping a record of all these little incidents. If it does come to court it could be very useful.

[FionaH]

Germs? Words fail me, thats so childish!!!!