Gardeners Rest #16 ( 2021)

[Snoop Puss]

"Psst", came a voice over the intercom.

"Psst, psst", it repeated.

"What?", Snoop asked, suspiciously.

"Commander Riker here. I'm aboard the bird-of-prey. Hiding in a weapons cupboard. Where's the Doctor?"

"Not here. Too long to explain. But there are quite a few of us. What's the plan?", Snoop asked, still not entirely convinced it really was Riker, but somewhat reassured by the mention of the Doctor.

"Not sure yet, but just stall them. Have you get any gagh on board? That'll distract them."

"We're about to give them some delicious Christmas pudding. I suppose I could curdle the sauce. That might look a bit 'wormy'."

"Good", replied Riker. "I've managed to destroy their bat'leths. But I still need to shut down their coms to the other birds-of-prey on their way. I'll get back in touch soon."

Snoop looked at the assorted sauce ingredients and though to herself, "Just as well I have no idea how to make brandy butter. I'll just in half a bottle of brandy, that should be enough to get the Klingons well and truly sauced. Greenishfing will be disappointed, though. I need to let the others know about Riker, somehow. If I can tell Nicos, she'll know what to do. Better not tell Nick and Rary, though, in case they have too much of the sauce, get a bit tiddled and give the game away"...

[greenishfing]

"You need brandy cream or rum sauce" said Snoop. I'll make some. She went into the kitchen and pondered......poison the sauce and cream or make the best brandy cream and sauce ever to grace a Christmas pudding...... What to do?........

[Nicos]

....at which point everyone went silent.
Several klingons entered the tardis and in very gutteral English , asking very politely, if they could possibly sample some of greenishfings Xmas pudding . It was Universally renound and highly spoken of in far off planets.....

[rary]

Wait, wait said rary, ask them for a lift, just don't offer to pay them for the lift! it won't go down well with....... me if we have to pay to get a lift to....

[Snoop Puss]

it was the noise of a Klingon Bird-of-Prey decloaking right above them.

Of course, it took them all aback. You can't hear noise in space, so they'd never heard it before on Star Trek. But as they were still in Earth's atmosphere, well the racket was colossal.

"Ooer", said Nicos.

"Ooer", said everyone else including the Tardis...

[nick the grief]

... there was a terrific rumbling sound. Nicos had only had one breakfast not the two she normally had (she claimed she was a hobbit) but in fact ...

[Nicos]

…pulling out a length of string …..

[greenishfing]

"Who's going to drive?" asked Snadger. "Autopilot on", answered the Tardis.

Greenishfing was the last aboard due to the weight of her overstuffed handbag. "Something for every eventuality", she murmured.

The door closed and ......

[Nicos]

“Lottie! So that’s where you’ve been!” , they called out.
She’d set up an enormous festive buffet inside the Tardis….

[Nicos]

“Follow me”, called Snadge in his best Dothraki - but no-one seemed to understand
“chut!”, he called out in Klingon ….and everyone followed….

[Nicos]

Bones…who had been keeping very quiet until now…called out “I know where to find him! but this also calls for Captn Jean-Luc Picard too!”
Clambering into the Tardis wasn’t a particularly easy job because someone had smothered it in festive bunting but Snadger was at hand with his favourite secateurs….

[Nicos]

…..suddenly the silver sixpence dropped ( not ‘the penny’ cos it’s Xmas after all)

They were all suddenly capable of reading Klingon

Those skewwiff crosses weren’t in fact crosses but Klingon code.

They were ‘supposed to be’ mistaken for stars which sat on top of what were ‘supposed to’ look like skewwiff Xmas trees .

They’d all mistaken them - they’d all been taken in, but oh no - Mr Snoop hadn’t- he’d tried to warn everyone with his Tarta de Santiago decoration.We’d all chuckled at his wonky tree but it really had been a Klingon weapon.

Those wonky red crosses were landing destinations for scout ships
Captain Kirk had to be warned…and fast!

Everyone legged back to the Tardis…even Rary who had mastered adapting his gait accordingly and Nick too getting all tangled up in his laddered fishnets…..

[greenishfing]

Greenishfing, listening to the knocking of Nick's knees, was already beginning to doubt the efficacy of a cup of tea. She doubted it would be potent enough but the kettle was coming to the boil and she suddenly remembered she'd seen a packet labelled "Special Tea- emergency use only" in the back of the cupboard.

Deciding that this was an emergency, Nick's knees were on the verge of setting off an earthquake after all.... she spooned the tea into the big teapot and added the boiled water.

Everyone gulped it down. It did taste a bit weird but....

[Snoop Puss]

And again, she couldn't quite find the name. It was there, on the tip of her tongue, she was sure.

Everyone was starting to become alarmed. The Gardeners Rest was known for its ups and downs, adventures and misadventures. But this... well, this was becoming a bit disturbing.

"How about another G&T?", mothhawk said, more in hope than expectation of raising people's moods.

"I don't think Snoop had better have another one of those", Rary replied. "She's maudlin enough as it is."

"A cup of tea", said Greenishfing. "That's what we need. A good brew and then we'll be able to put things to right."

Nick wasn't so sure. His knees were knocking and that was a sure sign something was wrong...

[Nicos]

“NORAD maybe?????….marking all the gardens of the people who had been good? Or perhaps….”…..