New Daughter

[BarleySugar]

On Weds we will be welcoming a Japanese exchange student into our home. She came over in August, but has not settled in with her current host family, partly I think because there was no one her own age to talk with in the evenings. My daughter became close friends with her at school, and we have been asked if we would be willing to give her a home until June. Her other option would be to move out of the area, and hence change schools, or have to wait while they advertise for another host family. We had an interview with the representative yesterday and he is bringing her after school on Weds. It is not something I would have gone in for, but hopefully things will go well and she will enjoy the rest of her stay in England. She is to be treated just the same as a member of the family, not as a guest, so apparently it is OK to ask her to do the ironing Mind you if I ask DD she looks at me askance, so....
DD has already told her she is her new sister, and that she has to smile more, otherwise we will not know if she is happy. Fingers crossed she does settle in, we are having to organise her room pdq, as I had only just turned it into a study when second son went to uni!
If anyone has been a host family I would be interested to hear of your real life experiences

[Rhona]

Oh that's great! Your daughter will be very lucky if she is asked back to Japan for her exchange! We did loads of exchanges as kids (though always seemed to have more people staying than we did freebie holidays!). Great opportunity for a terrific experience all round. Let her show you some Japanese stuff as well as you showing her things - let her teach you. I learned tons about food when I was a kid as a result of similar experiences!

It's a long stretch, so she will be happier if she's part of the family. She probably won't want to be treated as a "special" guest for so long and it will be more comfortable for all if she's able to feel like a "real" sister.

Let us know how it's going!

[willowstar]

that is a wonderful thing you are doing...both for your daughter and for the Japanese girl. My sister in law is Japanese and I have really enjoyed learning about her culture from her. No experience of exchanging myself but all the best with it.

[Alice]

I'm sure it will all work out fine Barley Sugar, especially as she has your daughter for company.
When my daughter was secondary school we had a german girl who stayed with us for a term (twice) and went to school with my daughter, then my daughter stayed with her family and went to school in Germany (twice). They both had a great time and we kearned so much from each other.
Later, we had 2 french student teachers staying with us on an exchange visit. It all worked out fine.
Just make the girl comfortable and treat her as you would your own daughter.
Do let us know how you get on - and how your Japanese is progressing.

[jackie j]

I have only got experiance of having students to stay short term back in 1980, I had a swedish boy (12 )for 3 weeks he was lovely then a spanish girl (15 ) for 6 weeks she was really nice and funny and would help with my little boys, while she was still with us I had an Italian girl ( 16 ) for 3 weeks and the two of them got on well and went out together. The folowing year I had an Italian boy ( 16 ) all the mums were swooning over him he was gorgeous but I kept finding road signs that he had pinched that he was planning to take home !!! Then I had my worst nightmare of a girl she was called Nelly ( 12 ) and came from the Ivory coast, she arrived on the day of the last visit from the midwife after my son was born, When I cleaned her room I found food that was going mouldy instead of telling me she didnt like it she hid it, dirty underwear everywhere, she didnt wash very often was very rude and when she had gone home I found chewing gum stuck to my furniture, I vowed I would never do it again. When my youngest son was 13 he went on an exchange trip but they put him with a girl and with having four sons when she came to us it was very hard for her.
It would seem that as your daughter has already made friends with her she will fit in with your family very well. I found the best way was to treat them as your own, and if they need telling off or praising then do that.
All the best with it hope all goes well.

[Flummery]

We had a couple of these girls with us a few years ago - from Japan, I mean. They were staying with different families as hosts, but one family went away for a week but of course, their girl still had to go into school as part of her training. So she came to us for the week. She had made friends with another girl at a nearby school so while Mina was with us, her friend came for the evening - they were really friendly kids. Taught me some Japanese, though all I can remember now is Conichi wa. Not even sure if that's how you spell it!

[Nicos]

That's a lovely thing for you to be doing!

[BarleySugar]

Update

Well I think our Japanese daughter (JD from now on) is settling in, although it can be difficult to tell sometimes Her English is not as good as I was led to believe, goodness knows how she copes in lessons (well I don't think she does really).
Food seems to be our major problem so far. Every morning I've been making breakfast for DD and JD, I have always insisted they have breakfast before school. DD does not like cereals, so beans on toast, cheese on toast, egg on toast have been some of the offerings. I asked JD if she wanted cereals or porridge instead, showing her the boxes, but she said no. JD did not know what an egg was until I showed her. She rarely manages a whole slice of toast, but does drink a tiny glass of orange juice. Today I gave them a one slice chicken sandwich each, with half a pear cut up to go alongside; DD is not a big eater. Amazingly she ate it all.
We have had a variety of dinners, she doesn't like yorkshire puddings, but ate most of her roast dinner otherwise, 1 sprout, 4 small pieces of carrot, a dessertspoon of cabbage, in short very small amounts, but she still managed to leave half of the chicken. In fact it is usually the most expensive part of the meal that she leaves. She said she liked sauasages, then yesterday didn't eat them, because she doesn't like pork, so only had a handful of chips. I have also done stir fry with beef, as she said she liked that, but she left most of the meat, and salmon, but she only ate half of the piece, and it wasn't big to start with! She isn't vegetarian, but she can't seem to tell me what she likes, or how she likes it cooked and I hate wasting food.
She has already received a food parcel from Mum in Japan, and she gave us some of the stuff inside, although all the instructions are in Japanese! Most seems to be packaged convenience foods, obviously so they will travel. She passed me some vacuum packed chicken breasts, which she has at home. I asked her what I should serve them with, she says just the chicken, microwaved for 3 minutes (I think that will be too long in my microwave). I suggested rice, veg, noodles, but she couldn't give me any clues. This stuff must be full of additives I would think, but as I can't read the ingredients, I can't tell. I have asked her to write out a list of the foods she would eat at each meal in a day, to give me some ideas, and suggested she prepare a Japanese meal with DDs help on Saturday. I have a suspicion she is eating the stuff sent from home in her room, and then can't eat a proper meal, but there's not much I can do about it, and at least that would mean she is not starving herself. The advice is to just serve up meals the family would normally eat, but ......
JD says she is happy, and seems much more cheerful, DD says it has been noticed at school that she seems happier. She does still spend a lot of time in her room, I know she chats online to her Mum and other friends, but I am trying to encourage her to stay with us and talk more so she expands her English. I suppose it's still early days, and we are all finding it rather strange.

[bobleponge]

Stick with it Barleysugar. If ever you get a bit frustrated or peeved about anything, just put yourself in her shoes, thousands of miles away from home, in an alien culture with a minimal grasp of the language. And she is only a kid.
I'm sure she is doing just fine, and being made to feel part of your family will only enhance her stay.

[Nicos]

I wonder if she could go onto the internet and Google some Japanese foods which she likes- on a recipe site???
Must be hard for her ....and you

Sounds like she's trying her best- maybe she never eats much anyway- but I know I like to overfeed people

[zazen999]

She's probably in shock at the meals we eat. Japanese are light eaters, and most of their diet is fish/rice based.

Diets of the World: The Japanese Diet

It might be worth some googling together.

Good luck.

[HeyWayne]

Just over three years ago we had a Dutch girl come and stay with us, she was 19 at the time and stayed with us for 6 months. She worked as my assistant at the office and it was strained at times.

I remember when we pulled up at our door after having picked her up from the train station - LadyWayne's brother was also living with us at the time, and he was at our front door waiting with a mate (he didn't have a key at this point having only moved in that day - we'd only been there 2 months ourselves - still with me?). Anyway - the look on their faces as we pulled up - Linda was beautiful, slim, tall and blonde.

Anyway - we treated Linda as our little sister, we shared jokes, everyone mucked in aaround the house (Linda was notorious for leaving the tumble dryer hose inside when the machine was on - and someone would shout "Linda!!" in a Flintstone style, and she would come running with the words "oh my god" - which became her catchphrase).

She became really independant and loved nothing more than meeting new people and having a great time.

Anyway, after she left she kept in touch and came back to stay with us for a weekend, introduced us to her boyfriend and celebrated her 21st birthday whilst with us.

Tragically, she was killed in a car accident (sorry, feeling a bit emotional at this point) just 2 months later and we were all devastated.

All three of us, and my boss went to the funeral in Holland and it was heartbreaking - especially when we met her parents - who we'd only ever spoken to on the phone, but we took great comfort in something her mother and uncle (a Dutch colleague of mine) said to us.

She really enjoyed her time with us, and saw us as her second family.

I think what I'm getting at (through bleary eyes) is that you probably don't realise what an impact you can have on someones life, and equally them on you. Enjoy every moment - even the tough times.

[SlugLobber]

Aw Wayne, that's sad, but at least she had a fabulous last few months from the sound of things!

BS, I went to uni with a couple of Japanese girls and they are soooooo proud and don't like to cause a fuss when something is not to their liking! Maybe it would be an idea to put everyone on a rota for cooking, with a budget. That way she would be regularly in charge of a meal and that would give you some ideas. I do remember that the Japanese girls I knew ate lots of vacuum packed foods (in their case mostly noodles).

It's a lovely thing that you're doing for this girl. Well done you!

[ailsasyl]

take her with you the next time you go shopping and encourage her to put stuff in the trolley she likes, or has been suggested ask her if she wants to cook for the family on one night.

[BarleySugar]

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Wayne, life is so unpredictable, which is why it is so important to make the most of it. It sounds as if she truly became one of the family, which is what I'm trying for with JD.

I think JD prefers spicy foods, which is fine with me and OH, but not DD. It will be interesting to see what we get on Saturday. I'm probably worrying unnecesarily, but I so want her to feel at home. I've had a look for ideas, but most of the recipies seem to be a bit OTT for general everyday meals. Breakfasts came up with rice fish and soup , and I've been told that DD gets spoilt not just tipping cereal out in the morning!

I feel she had a bit of a rough time before, so I want to do as much as I can to help her, but not push too much. I don't ask questions about her previous host family, but it must be really hard living in a foreign land, especially at 16.