Permitted phrases in pubs

[Jay-ell]

Whoever is spinning the room please stop it.

You're my mate you are.

The problem with (whatever the subject is), the problem is (add irrelevant problem possibly unrelated to the subject )

This floors comfy

KEBAB!!!!

[Baldy]

I'm learning quite a lot on this thread.
So,,,\
You will be killed by something - try to enjoy the ride...

[Jimmy]

Ever had having to walk faster and faster to stay up. Usually ended by a lamp post.
Jimmy

[Jay-ell]

Thatsssh a nishe lamppost. Look at thishe lamppost - it's a nishe lamppost. Mmm comfy lamppost

[Jay-ell]

I'm not arguing with you. I'm not listening to you. Postboxes aren't supposed to argue with you.

[Guest]

Post pub with your mates...
Who put that glass door there?

(Aimed at the one that passes out first)
Who has the razor?
Wheres a bowl so I can fill it with water?

[Baldy]

^^^
razor??

blimey its a bit tuff chuckingout time in norfolk
bearing in mind they're a mod on a allotment site and self proclaimed middle aged
doesn't happen to middle aged folk on north devon (generally)

[Guest]

^^^so you are not Baldy cos you passed out on a mates sofa after a pub crawl then?

[Baldy]

^^^so you are not Baldy cos you passed out on a mates sofa after a pub crawl then?

Hmmm. I may (possibly) have passed out but when my mates have taken a look at 'the bush' its been a bit too much of a 'proper job' and the chances of sometihng going ' amiss' have actually put them off


(I like it when a mod is.. umm... well, you know, ehh... very precise)

[SarrissUK]

My friend used to use the phrase:
Please don't let her buy another drink. She doesn't need another drink even if she WANTS another drink. Please don't.

haha I'd always get that drink.

[Baldy]

^^^ and here you are with 2 allotments (rather than 1, or possibly a scanindavian palace)

[Baldy]

I'm off to bed - good night all

[1Bee]

In my version of a good pub :

"Shh. I'm reading."

Mostly I'm in pubs after Morris dancing, in which case :

"You don't mind if we move this table? And this one? Actually, ALL, these tables from over here, to over there.... There's rather a lot of us."
"12 coffees, and a peppermint tea for the dancers. The musicians will just lie on the floor under the beer tap."
"Music may happen. It's kind of involuntary."
"Crisps! We need more crisps!"
"Does anyone want any chips? Or a cheesecake?"
"Wake up the accordionist. His beard is in my beer."

[Snoop Puss]

If you think it's tough in Norfolk, Baldy, you've evidently never been to Macclesfield. This was a remark I once heard:

"There's a battle at Bull's later. You coming?"