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First of all, let me say that this is shamelessly robbed off the Volvo forum. 
Second of all , let me say that this is shamelessly robbed from the Total France forum.
Dear Mrs. Xxxxx,
Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Glasgow is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.
4. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
5. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
6.. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
7. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the House wares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.
8. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.
9.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.
10. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled' PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'
11. November 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'
And; last, but not least:
12. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'
Yours sincerely, etc...
Second of all , let me say that this is shamelessly robbed from the Total France forum.
Dear Mrs. Xxxxx,
Whilst we would like to thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Glasgow is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
Below is a list of his actions over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.
4. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
5. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
6.. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
7. October 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the House wares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.
8. November 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the Mission Impossible' theme.
9.November 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the 'Madonna look' using different size funnels.
10. November 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled' PICK ME!' 'PICK ME!'
11. November 21: When an announcement came over the loudspeaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed 'NO! NO! It's those voices again.'
And; last, but not least:
12. November 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, 'There is no toilet paper in here.'
Yours sincerely, etc...
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