Grow Your Own Magazine

This is sort of gardening related and a bit long so dont bother reading if you dont want to but opinions would be appreciated.



I live in a lovely culdesac of 12 houses in a large village. We have been here two years, from London and made some lovely friends (not just from our road either) I have my closest friend three doors down and two other close friends in the culdesac. There are 6 other households I would be able to call upon in an emergency too. We all get on really well - its lovely. Two households keep themselves to themselves, one next to my close friend (dont think I have ever really laid eyes on them even) the others live next door to me.

The people next door to us are the type of people who light a barbie without letting neighbours with washing out know beforehand (sorry if you are one of those but its one of my pet hates) I did start just calling over the fence "Colin did you know I had my washing out" and all he replies very rudely is "so?" or "didnt know where you were to tell you" I would then politely ask "Please could you let me know next time"

My close friend was amazed how loud their yelling was when she babysat one night. I guess we must be used to it as it doesnt bother me and I yell sometimes myself anyway (I am in awe of parents who mange not to). Their son is also constantly knocking on my friend and I's doors asking to play with our kids which we dont mind even when it stretches to a snack but the one time a child knocked on their door the kid got such a telling off for disturbing them some parents have banned his son from their houses.

Anyway, last summer I knocked on their door to ask if I could tidy up the hedge that borders our front garden. He was very rude and just said "You can cut it down for all I care" Well I didnt want to do that - it is only 3 foot high but it does give a good border between the gardens. I was hoping some tlc would tidy it up a bit as its clear that its not been looked after at all and as it is a mix of deciduous and evergreen it looks worse in winter. I gave it a good haircut but one shrub did look very unwell. I gave it a good feed too and crossed my fingers. On Wednesday, talking to one of the neighbours, who helps me do my garden, he pointed out it should be one of the priorities to sort out the hedge as it was looking worse than ever - as if my huge garden doesnt give me enough to do - lol!!!

I went and spent £30 on some slow growing conifers and some similar evergreen shrubs to what was there already and some spring bedding too. I started to trim the hedge but it became apparant when I leant on the dead looking shrub and nearly fell over that it was a gonner. It was over my side so I decided to pension it off and a few tugs later it was nearly free. I got the man accross the road to help with the final pull as it wouldnt be sensible to overexert myself in my condition. The two shrubs either side then needed a good prune as they had been growing up through the middle and were very leggy. I gave them a hard prune by about 2/3rds which will give them a whiole new lease of life. The other main shrub I shaved with the shears to bring it into line with the side they had done. (If I was trimming a border shrub I would always do the whole thing as a matter of courtesy - wont now though) Once I had planted everything it looked lovely - I was really pleased and was hoping Kim would like it too.

When she saw she said "I think Colin wanted the shrubs keeping for the privacy so he may want to put something back there thats higher" I said thats fine as I had kept the planting myside to make prunning easier for me. She didnt look too pleased though and I felt awful. I rang my friend down the road and was just telling her when Colin came storming up to our front door. To say he was furious was an understatement. To my disgust though he started shouting at me in front of my kids. I couldnt get a word in edgeways and he stormed off. My friend said I was very calm (as she had heard everything from the other end of the phone) but I didnt feel it.

Five minutes later, I was taking dd dancing and was just going out to the car when my dh pulled up, about to reverse into our drive. Before he could even change gear Colin was up at his drivers window shouting the odds at poor hubbie who hadnt a clue what he was ranting on about. I asked Colin to come and talk to me as hubbie wasnt involved in my efforts and had just driven a long way. Then I had both of them shouting at me whilst kids had escaped and were running riot. In the end after my explanations fell on deaf ears and they denied ever giving me permission to cut everything (which I certainly hadnt done) down, I offered to replace the dead shrub. She just ignored my offer and carried on shouting at me. I told her I wasnt going to even try to make amends if she carried on shouting at me and she replied "we will take it further then" I replied "Oh sue me then" She said "it isnt wise to say that to a sister of a lawyer" - always bent people that threaten such things isnt it! - LOL!!

Anyway I know I am not in the wrong but I cant help feeling very unsettled. I hate confrontation and would never have done what I did if I had known what trouble it would get me into. Mind you I would then have to look out of my window onto an unsightly dead hedge and unloved garden.

What should I do now?

Tammy

Oh! Tammy What horrible neighbours, how awful for you.
I hate confrontation too, always makes me go weak at the knees.
However angry your neighbours felt they had no right to be so aggressive, at least you have witnessess to that. You thought you were doing a good deed.
I would be inclined to replace the shrub and just do your side from now on.
Do try not to take it out on the neighbours son by not allowing him to play with your children, after all it's not the poor lads fault and he probably suffers from his parents bad temper too.
Try to continue being pleasant to your neighbour if you can I know this will be hard but what use is there in more ill feeling. At least you can have a good old moan to the others in your cul-de-sac (and here!)!

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Imagination is everything, it is a preview of what is to become.

I would be more than happy to replace the shrub but I have a feeling that unless it was a reincarnation of the dead one it just wouldnt be good enough. My friend thinks I should replant the dead stump but I think that will just add fuel to the fire.

I think you're right although it would be tempting!

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Imagination is everything, it is a preview of what is to become.

Although you didn't mean to upset them, you clearly have.
You need to placate them somehow because although their life-style irritates you now, with a bit of effort they could turn into neighbours from hell and make your life miserable.

How about looking for a plant nursery which supplies more mature plants to landscape gardeners, go and see what they suggest you plant in the gap - choose 2 or 3 of your favourite- and then ask the neighbours to choose which they would prefer. ( a note through their door perhaps??)
In that way it would appear you are trying to make amends for something which has clearly upset them, and yet you still have an imput into what it is replaced with.
If you say you have taken professional horticultural advice, then they may just go back to ignoring you than being outwardly aggressive/hostile??

You'll certainly start sleeping better at night too!
Good luck!

We had problems with neighbours over a fence that we put up ( replacing old one ) we decided the fence needed replacing and as my hubby is an architect knew what was allowed , even so he contacted council to be sure, We replaced old fence unfortunately said neighbours were on holiday and as we didn't need to enter their property we replaced fence, when they returned weeks later he was fuming and tried to pull fence down shouting abuse and wouldn't listen to reason. We have never spoken to them or them us since, and the chap died suddenly a couple of years ago of a heart attack.
Just try to rectify the problem any way you can, its not nice having neighbours you don't get on with, there are only six houses in our road and we hardly see any of them as all at work etc.

after 3 moves and 2 lots of very bad neighbours,we are now very fortunate to have good ones,we all look out for one another,we lived here 22 years now,but a few doors down,several years ago,one neighbour agrivated the other by putting not one but 2/3 mowers on,then went out for several hours,the reason being he did not like the happy sounds in their garden coming from visting granchildren,he has now passed on,sometimes no mater what you do there is no pleasing others,it's so hard to try and get your point over to some people,at least you will have the satifaction that you have tried.wish you the best of luck

Just continue ignoring them - the guy sounds like a big bully and is trying to intimdate you. Ask if they would like you to replace the dead shrub, but I'd then leave it at that.

If you want some outside advice try phoning CAB or someone at the Council. Just describe your actions as a misunderstanding, afterall its your word against theirs. Then just
forget them as much as possible, you did nothing wrong, try not to worry about it.

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Manda.

"Wouldn't it be nice
For maybe an hour
To not have a care."

Sorry but your neighbour sounds like a first class @rsehole.
As for the threat of lawyers - she's trying to intimidate and don't rise to it.

They must have horrible lives to be so petty and miserable.

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You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

blog: http://allyheebiejeebie.blogspot.com/ and my (basic!) page: http://www.allythegardener.co.uk/

Hi

I am sure you meant well, but when the neighbour said "You can cut it down for all I care", he really meant no, maybe it was his form of humour.
Just as your "Oh sue me then" did not mean that you want to be sued!

So perhaps it was a clash of personalities and a communication break down.

Good luck

T

How horrible for you! I'm sure you hope everything can be sorted out amicably, but just in case it doesn't, it may be worth keeping a diary of events. It may come in useful, especially if you do need to contact the CAB or Council.

I wish you the best of luck

Yup - exactly what SBP says.

Offer to put right the missing shrub (you shouldn't have too, but it shows you're reasonable) and then ignore them completely. If they start to cause trouble, stand up to them politely but firmly.

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Resistance is fertile

It is wholly unacceptable to shout at you or intimidate you. It is you who should require the apology and make that clear to them and that you do not wish to communicate further until one is forthcoming.

You should look at the deeds and establish who actually owns the hedge and on who's land the shrub actually was. You intimate that it was growing your side anyway. If you have replaced it with something that will be similar within a year that is all you can do. A front garden hedge doesn't really affect privacy. It is disappointing not to be able to get on with your neighbours and it is not worth escalating the situation. Tape any further conversations between you on your phone/Dictaphone. 'My sisters a lawyer' is just bluster and piffle. You have a witness to the first conversation. I doubt this is criminal damage nor that it would be worth taking further. Take a photo of dead tree, the repair and so forth and file it away with the suggested diary of events while it is fresh in your mind.

Any disputes with neighbours are registered and show in landsearches, it isn't in their interest to do so as it limits their possibilities. If you are involved in a dispute their Achilles heal is the racket they make. Domestic disputes etc. but I wouldn't make further trouble unless they pursue it themselves.

There are some rude and unpleasant folk around and boundaries are such a common flashpoint. The lesson is to only deal with your side and at worst plant inside to screen any unsightliness.

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Advertising is the rattling of a stick in a swill bucket. George Orwell
Paul

I too am the sister of a barrister - which is the term she would use if it were true - and frankly my brother is far too busy to get involved in something like this, even if I were childish enough to ask him. Even if it is true litigation would not be free or even cheap for her as there are many more costs involved than just her legal representation. You've done all you can to make matters right, I'd now just try to ignore them and get on with your own lives, these people sound like the horrible school bully types who make trouble for others to detract from their own inadequacies. I hope things settle down for you as hostile neighbours are awful.

PS. I don't think I'm bent

Some people are just unreasonable. It is always upsetting when people shout and scream, I too hate confrontation, but it sounds from what you've said that they are just 'like that'.

Offer to replace the plant if you want to, but it might be less painful for you to just ignore them until the whole thing blows over.

BTW ignore the threats too - no-one is going to take them seriously.

You are obviously a kind, caring soul and have been royally abused by these bullies.

Try not to let it keep you awake......

Tammy, the advice Paulottie has given is very good.

If you look at this you are the one who has been most wronged. If anyone acted like that in front of my children they would have a long way to go before they could make it up to me.

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I've had my weetabix...

Thank you for all your sensible advise. Thats why I love it on here - you really get to the root of things - pardon the pun!!!

I am just going to ignore the situation now. If anything else comes up I shall be back to check what my friends on here think we should do. I wont offer again to plant an extra to soothe their egos unless they appologise - it would just agravate the situation now. I tell you what if they had dealt with the situation differently I would have gone to great lengths to try to appease them as I hate upsetting anyone.

BLUE MOON - loved your comment follwed by the grin - brill that youre not bent but then I bet you wouldnt use the fact in such a way. I am also glad you took it the right way or it could of been - whoops Tammys done it again. (mental note to Tammy - only put foot in garden in future!)

Thanks again - looks like forcast of rain is wrong so garden here we come!

Tammy

Sounds as if you have a really lovely set of neighbours!!!
As it sounds as if the work you've done was all on your side I would imagine they have no recourse and you were quite within your rights. And this from the sister of a solicitor!
Try to ignore them and try not to treat their children in an unfriendly was. It's not their fault they have revolting parents.
Teach by example and rise above it. Difficult I know but be a better person for it.
Good luck.
Libby

Finedon Dandy,
Be careful not to get involve with litigation. I was forced to take action against a neighbour over a boundary dispute, it took me 8 years and cost him £50,000 Not happy memories.

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It's not the growing old I mind but the growing stupid with it!

Beavering through 3 pages 'cos of connection probs. Logon to <gardenlaw.co.uk>. Really good advice. About property law not just gardens.

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"I prefer rogues to imbeciles as they sometimes take a rest" (Alexander Dumas)