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This is especially for Slug but the rest of the grapes may find it useful!
[B]A conversation between the Creator and St Francis on the subject of Lawn Care[B]
God Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in England? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles and stuff I started aeons ago? I had a perfect no maintainence garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. Their nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies and bees and flocks of birds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now, but all I see is green rectangles.
St Francis It's the tribes that settled there, Lord, the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to replace them with grass.
God But it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and worms. I'ts tempermental about temperature. Do these Surburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
St Francis Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilising the grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
God The Spring rains make the grass grow reallu fast that must make the Suburbanites happy.
St Francis Apparentyl not, Lord. As soon as it grows they cut it, sometimes twice a week.
God They cut it? Do they bale it for hay?
St Francis Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it into bags.
God They bag it? Why, is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
[B]St Francis[B] No, Sir just the opposite. They throw it away.
God Now let me get this straight. They fertilise it so it will grow, and when it does they cut it off and throw it away?
St Francis Yes, Sir.
God These Suburbanites mist relieved when in the Summer we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work?
St Francis You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and then get rid of it.
God What nonsense. At least they keep some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke og genius, if I say it myself. The leaves on the trees provide beauty in the Spring, shade in the Summer, and then they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees ans shrubs. And as they rot they form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural cycle of life.
St FrancisYou'd better sit down, Lord. The Surburbanites have a new cycle. As soon as the leaves fall they rake them into great piles and find someone to take them away.
God No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in Winter and to keep the soil moist and loose/
St Francis After throwing away the leaves they go out and buy something called Mulch and spread it around instead of the leaves.
God Where do they get this Mulch?
St Francis They cut down trees and grind them up to make mulch.
God I don't want to think about this any more. St Catherine, you are in charge of Arts, what movie have you got for tonight?
St Catherine Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a really stupid movie about.
God Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St Francis!
With appologies for any typos
[B]A conversation between the Creator and St Francis on the subject of Lawn Care[B]
God Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in England? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles and stuff I started aeons ago? I had a perfect no maintainence garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. Their nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies and bees and flocks of birds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now, but all I see is green rectangles.
St Francis It's the tribes that settled there, Lord, the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great lengths to replace them with grass.
God But it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and worms. I'ts tempermental about temperature. Do these Surburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
St Francis Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilising the grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
God The Spring rains make the grass grow reallu fast that must make the Suburbanites happy.
St Francis Apparentyl not, Lord. As soon as it grows they cut it, sometimes twice a week.
God They cut it? Do they bale it for hay?
St Francis Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it into bags.
God They bag it? Why, is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
[B]St Francis[B] No, Sir just the opposite. They throw it away.
God Now let me get this straight. They fertilise it so it will grow, and when it does they cut it off and throw it away?
St Francis Yes, Sir.
God These Suburbanites mist relieved when in the Summer we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work?
St Francis You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and then get rid of it.
God What nonsense. At least they keep some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke og genius, if I say it myself. The leaves on the trees provide beauty in the Spring, shade in the Summer, and then they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees ans shrubs. And as they rot they form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural cycle of life.
St FrancisYou'd better sit down, Lord. The Surburbanites have a new cycle. As soon as the leaves fall they rake them into great piles and find someone to take them away.
God No! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in Winter and to keep the soil moist and loose/
St Francis After throwing away the leaves they go out and buy something called Mulch and spread it around instead of the leaves.
God Where do they get this Mulch?
St Francis They cut down trees and grind them up to make mulch.
God I don't want to think about this any more. St Catherine, you are in charge of Arts, what movie have you got for tonight?
St Catherine Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a really stupid movie about.
God Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St Francis!
With appologies for any typos
. Hopefully now I can justify it as well.
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