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Wrong to feel this way??

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  • Wrong to feel this way??

    I feel so cross and upset. Last year some of you peeps may remember that my daughter, a student, was on her way back from uni when she was involved in a serious accident on the M25. A foreign lorry didn't see her, caught the back of the car whilst trying to pull into her lane, result she was spun and ended up being shunted along with the car lying across the front of the lorry. She was so lucky, had she spun the other way she would have been in the fast lane. She was fortunate to have only suffered whiplash and bruising but mentally she was terrified. She had to go for regular physio and it took a lot of guts for her to get back in the car.

    Anyway at the time, her dad (my ex) paid for the recovery vehicle to tow the car back to us. He then said, I thought jokingly, when the insurance money comes through you can pay me back. Well she only had third party but had legal cover. Solicitors got involved and the long and the short of it was they are still trying to track down the driver but not much hope as he is in Romania. However, the motor insurance bureau have not paid her some compensation £1750 to be precise of which she has to pay £300 for her new car. Her dad is now aware she has the cheque and has said 'well now you can pay me the money back'.

    I am so cross that he is even dreaming of asking her for it, I thought that's what parents were there for and just be grateful she got out of it alive

    He is not short of money, his income is over £100,000 a year and he has just bought a brand new mercedes outright. On the other hand my husband can't work due to Parkinson's disease and I only have my wages as a teaching assistant.

    I am upset for my daughter because it is giving her such a bad message i.e. the money is more important to me than your life.

    Am I wrong to feel this way? I feel so wound up. Sorry this is so lengthy but I need to get it off my chest and hear other peoples views.
    AKA Angie

  • #2
    oh dear - what a pickle

    You are right, in my view, to view annoyed, I am totally amazed that her father would even consider asking for the money back, even in jest, which it clearly wasn't.

    I would say, get her to offer it to him but sadly he may take it. But my thinking was that he would say 'nooo, I wouldn't dream of taking that back' - but I do like to think the best of people
    aka
    Suzie

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    • #3
      Sounds like he is typical of people with a bit more money, they like to have as much as they can get hold of!
      Of course it might be his idea of humour (some people are like that, I wouldn't know whether he is) but others are just plain stingy, and, I have to say that what I have seen suggests the stingiest people are also the ones with the most money (with rare exceptions).
      Flowers come in too many colours to see the world in black-and-white.

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      • #4
        I have no printable words! to think that he might be serious just underlines how glad you should be to be shot of him.

        Arrogant is the kindest thing I can say.
        The weeks and the years are fine. It's the days I can't cope with!

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        • #5
          Originally posted by TPeers View Post
          I have no printable words! to think that he might be serious just underlines how glad you should be to be shot of him.

          Arrogant is the kindest thing I can say.

          Couldn't agree more! The man is many many things I can not type on a family forum. I just hope your daughter can see him for what he is without being too hurt by his behaviour. Actually that will probably be impossible but you know what I mean?

          You have set your daughters a wonderful example by being a kind and loving parent and I know your partner has as well. They know how it is to be loved, protected and valued. Believe me hon they are rich beyond measure in that respect.


          Ps Did I mention he is a T****r?
          Last edited by FionaH; 15-01-2010, 10:26 PM.
          WPC F Hobbit, Shire police

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          • #6
            Thankyou everyone for your comments. Sadly he is was not joking as he has been hounding her about when the pay out is going to be but arrogance is spot on!
            AKA Angie

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            • #7
              Send him a link to this forum, let him see the pain he is causing.

              I hold no illusions that it will change his behaviour but he has a right to know the contempt he generates, and if he wishes to respond - well I hope he has a good command of the English language!
              The weeks and the years are fine. It's the days I can't cope with!

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              • #8
                Just a couple of thoughts reading these posts ...the toughest thing for you SR is going to be to stay out of the discussion between father and daughter. Because essentially this is what it is.* Let her know you are behind her in whatever stance she takes, as long as it is reasonable.* Don't get involved in the tussle, just work with you have.* If he is going to be mean - well that's him and the way he is, and in the end that is what she will have to deal with.*
                Whooops - now what are the dogs getting up to?

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Jeanied View Post
                  Just a couple of thoughts reading these posts ...the toughest thing for you SR is going to be to stay out of the discussion between father and daughter. Because essentially this is what it is.* Let her know you are behind her in whatever stance she takes, as long as it is reasonable.* Don't get involved in the tussle, just work with you have.* If he is going to be mean - well that's him and the way he is, and in the end that is what she will have to deal with.*
                  You are quite right and I am trying to not get involved too much. Trouble is he is a bully and very clever and cutting with his words and she does not have the confidence and is scared to contradict or voice her opinion
                  AKA Angie

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Jeanied View Post
                    Just a couple of thoughts reading these posts ...the toughest thing for you SR is going to be to stay out of the discussion between father and daughter. Because essentially this is what it is.* Let her know you are behind her in whatever stance she takes, as long as it is reasonable.* Don't get involved in the tussle, just work with you have.* If he is going to be mean - well that's him and the way he is, and in the end that is what she will have to deal with.*
                    See you are just so much more sensible than I am. You are of course right, I just want to slap him.
                    WPC F Hobbit, Shire police

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by TPeers View Post
                      Send him a link to this forum, let him see the pain he is causing.

                      I hold no illusions that it will change his behaviour but he has a right to know the contempt he generates, and if he wishes to respond - well I hope he has a good command of the English language!
                      Sadly he is so arrogant that everyone else is in the wrong. It's sad really but when he used to play computer games for example and he lost it was the computers fault!!!
                      AKA Angie

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                      • #12
                        well, slapping is always an option but I'd always keep that one till you absolutely can't deal without it!! And absolutely when it is least expected.
                        Whooops - now what are the dogs getting up to?

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                        • #13
                          I'd love to Jeanied but I think he would slap harder. I have to satisfy myself with not so nice thoughts
                          AKA Angie

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                          • #14
                            Bless you SR - seize the high ground in this debate and do the right thing! You just have to be more saintly than the rest of them. Tough, but you can do it.
                            Whooops - now what are the dogs getting up to?

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                            • #15
                              Good heavens what an unpleasant tight wad the man is

                              I suggest your daughter demands the receipt for the recovery from her father before she reimburses him so that she can a) check that he isn't swindling her and b) can reclaim the expense should the Romanian lorry driver ever be brought to book.
                              If a thing's worth doing, it's worth doing to excess

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