anyone done any fostering?

**ckfe** · 22-06-2009, 04:08 PM

Originally posted by ckfe View Post

me and my partner are seriously considering applying to be foster parents, we already have a 6 year old daughter so we're not going into it blind
obviously fostering is different and i was wondering if anyone had any experience of being foster carers?
feel free to PM me if you'd rather not bare your soul in the forum

just feel the need to point out i'm talking about fostering children not chooks

**shirlthegirl43** · 22-06-2009, 04:11 PM

I have no personal experience but would like to wish you the best of luck with it. I have great respect for people who are prepared to undertake something that I know I wouldn't be able to.

**ckfe** · 22-06-2009, 04:13 PM

Originally posted by shirlthegirl43 View Post

I have no personal experience but would like to wish you the best of luck with it. I have great respect for people who are prepared to undertake something that I know I wouldn't be able to.

thanks shirl

**Incy** · 22-06-2009, 04:37 PM

Ckfe, although I haven't fostered myself I had a foster sister while I was growing, and also know quite a few people who have been or are foster parents.
If you decide to go ahead with it I wish you luck. It can be both hugely rewarding and equally difficult/frustrating, but the satisfaction you get from knowing that you may have made a real difference to a child's life cannot be underestimated.
However, (sorry there always haas to be a but) My concern would be the fact that your daughter is only 6 years old. Dependiing on the age of the children you foster, and reason for them being in care they can be very damaged and as a result have behavioural issues which can't be handled by standard parenting and may need allowances to be made or quite a lot of work with them to help them overcome these issues. This could be really hard for a 6 year old to understand and she could feel unfairly treated or ignored.
Make sure you include her in the process/decision so that she has the best understanding possible of what to expect.
For my part, my foster sister was one of the highlights of my childhood so it really can work

Good luck with whatever you decide.

**nikiwitch** · 22-06-2009, 04:39 PM

we thought about it, there were a few different kinds, emergency, long term and something else, we eventually decided against it as my partner took ill. Good luck, I think people who do are great. I would speak to other local foster parents in your area to see how much support is available as it can be stressful

**BumbleB** · 22-06-2009, 05:47 PM

Our daughter and son in law are foster carers. So far in 2 years they have fostered 5 different teenagers for respite and short term care. This has mostly been problem free and it seems that all concerned have benefited from friendships made and support and guidance. These children do not always have problems - sometimes they are in care due to their parents having problems, addictions, illness etc. The process of becoming a FC is quite in depth and I think that there are right people and personalities who cope well and are very good at parenting these children but that it is not for everyone. I think it is a long consideration process of imagining how your life would be altered by a young child or older teenager.
Good luck to you though because if you are able to, then a child in a institution will be able to be part of a family again.

**SarzWix** · 22-06-2009, 05:58 PM

I've PMed you ckfe.

**Lottieval** · 22-06-2009, 11:35 PM

My OH and I were foster parents, we did a couple of holiday fosters, and then took on a 10 month old when my daughter was almost three and I was pregnant with my second, he was with us for four years, we wanted to adopt but there were problems and changing attitudes to him being black and us not. Social Services carry out quite a rigorous selection procedure.

Do PM me if you think I can help, but it was quite a long time ago.

**jackie j** · 23-06-2009, 05:56 AM

Good luck, my mum always wanted to foster even though she had three girls but as my dad died when I was young she wasnt allowed to back then.

**maytreefrannie** · 23-06-2009, 08:41 AM

I never did full time fostering, but I had a couple of children in holiday foster care - for a week at a time. One stayed with us on three separate years, another just once. That was some years ago now, when my own children were small.

As far as I know, there's quite a thorough selection/training process, which would give you a good idea of whether you want to take it up, and when. It gives you time to think about it.

Best wishes.

**ckfe** · 23-06-2009, 10:00 AM

Originally posted by Incy View Post

Ckfe, although I haven't fostered myself I had a foster sister while I was growing, and also know quite a few people who have been or are foster parents.
If you decide to go ahead with it I wish you luck. It can be both hugely rewarding and equally difficult/frustrating, but the satisfaction you get from knowing that you may have made a real difference to a child's life cannot be underestimated.
However, (sorry there always haas to be a but) My concern would be the fact that your daughter is only 6 years old. Dependiing on the age of the children you foster, and reason for them being in care they can be very damaged and as a result have behavioural issues which can't be handled by standard parenting and may need allowances to be made or quite a lot of work with them to help them overcome these issues. This could be really hard for a 6 year old to understand and she could feel unfairly treated or ignored.
Make sure you include her in the process/decision so that she has the best understanding possible of what to expect.
For my part, my foster sister was one of the highlights of my childhood so it really can work

Good luck with whatever you decide.

how old were you when your foster sister came into your life and how long did she stay?

**Incy** · 23-06-2009, 10:05 AM

Originally posted by ckfe View Post

how old were you when your foster sister came into your life and how long did she stay?

I was about 9 or 10 at the time (still in primary school) she was supposed to stay 6 months but remained for a year. Sadly the powers that be in this country at the time decided to deport her back to Nigeria even though her family had gone AWOL (it was a very bad time politically over there). We haven't heard from her since which makes me sad to this day

I come from a very large family and she just sort of slotted in, she was about a year older than me and became my best friend/sister.
I think in our circumstances the hardest part was her leaving.....

**ckfe** · 23-06-2009, 10:09 AM

Originally posted by Incy View Post

I was about 9 or 10 at the time (still in primary school) she was supposed to stay 6 months but remained for a year. Sadly the powers that be in this country at the time decided to deport her back to Nigeria even though her family had gone AWOL (it was a very bad time politically over there). We haven't heard from her since which makes me sad to this day

I come from a very large family and she just sort of slotted in, she was about a year older than me and became my best friend/sister.
I think in our circumstances the hardest part was her leaving.....

did you have brother and sisters? if you did i guess it was easier in as much as you were already used to sharing your parents with other children.. it might be different for our daughter as she is an only child and so is used to having us to herself

yeah that'll be the worst part for us too, getting to know a child then having to say goodbye.. not sure what the rules are with fostering, whether you're allowed to keep in touch or not after they've left

**Incy** · 23-06-2009, 10:24 AM

Originally posted by ckfe View Post

did you have brother and sisters? if you did i guess it was easier in as much as you were already used to sharing your parents with other children.. it might be different for our daughter as she is an only child and so is used to having us to herself

I am one of 12.....yes I know that's a huge family

At the time I think there were 5 of us. not sure whether my brother turned up while she was with us or after she left

It was a very long time ago...

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