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  • EC climate plans thwarted...

    Just been thinking how one or two readers might find the following article pretty interesting in that it's about a bit of EC gerrymandering with the weather which has been successfully resisted by a bit of dogged Brit determination to go back to proper (ie British) Winters and Summers...

    ........

    EC makes heavy weather of UK climate change
    (By Graham Braithwaite)


    A spokesman for a top level Met Office weather planning team has revealed a recent series of highly confidential discussions with key Whitehall officials and EC Ministers aimed at reaching 'a new and lasting consensus on the nature of the British climate.'

    The previously secret meetings were held at a 5 star Spanish hotel - a decision which has been criticized for its lack of sensitivity during the current air of economic gloom - and follows on from a stormy series of talks with EC ministers and climate experts on the practicalities of an integrated ‘one size fits all’ European climate.

    Whitehall had previously agreed to merge the weather systems across the UK into the new continental model which would see traditional British weather being phased out by no later than 2020, but a loophole in the legislation now means that the Met Office is able to return the British mainland and all islands within British coastal waters to an independent climate of its own determination.

    Under the new guidelines, Britain will be able to return to a more traditional pattern of strong winds and heavy snow in winter, wet and miserable Bank Holidays and droughts throughout the Summer.

    “It’ll be just like the British weather that we had when we were kids”, according to Mr Sam Eastwood, 72, a retired Met Office official from Accrington, Lancashire who attended the meetings on behalf of ‘Deluge', a pressure group which was formed just over two years ago to oppose the controversial European plans"

    “We’ll go back to the good old days of long, hot English summers, and proper cold icy and snowy winters”

    The individual delegates will now report back to their individual constituencies, and the Government are expecting full House of Lords assent for the new bill, which should then be swiftly adopted onto the statute book during the current Patliqmentary session.

    The last word goes to Mr Eastwood who, whilst sipping cocktails on the veranda of his Portuguese retirement home added:

    “This a great and memorable day for the entire British nation. It’s proper British weather for proper British people, and long may that remain!”

    ..........
    Last edited by Herbsandveg; 18-02-2013, 05:24 PM.

  • #2
    Do you write these articles, Graham?

    Comment


    • #3
      Well, thank goodness for that! Sunny Bank Holidays? What would we all do? August Bank Holiday at Skegness in the SUN? No give us Brits wet and windy ones so we can shiver in our deckchairs, with our knotted hankies and rolled up trouser legs, licking our ice creams. Proper British weather for proper British people, that's what I say!
      Location - Leicestershire - Chisit-land
      Endless wonder.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by veggiechicken View Post
        Do you write these articles, Graham?
        I do, sadly...Sorry.

        Comment


        • #5
          No need to apologise Do you publish them anywhere? (Just being nosey)

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by veggiechicken View Post
            No need to apologise Do you publish them anywhere? (Just being nosey)
            Not as yet, although I'd like to. I've got loads, but I just write for my own pleasure and entertainment...

            Comment


            • #7
              Here's another...

              Here's another that's slightly topical now:

              ....................................................................

              'Eco Loonies' get the bullet


              As pressure group demands go, it has about as much chance of success as trying to de-invent the gun, but an ad-hoc coalition of anti-war and eco pressure groups have joined forces to demand that the Ministry of Defence reduce the lead content of their bullets.

              On the day that GLOOM (Get Lead out of Munitions) presented the Government with a 2,000 signature petition at No. 10 Downing Street, the Group’s spokeman, Mr Nigel Scanthwaite – a former serving officer in the Royal Artillery Corps – said:
              “This really is a giant step for basic health and safety. We’ve no objection to the Army killing foreigners at all, but let’s not be accused of causing lead poisoning as well”.

              A Ministry of Defence spokeman, however, said the chances of success were slim. Speaking from his bunker in his heavily fortified Kent garden, Mr Ian Gilzean, himself a former serving member of the Household Cavalry, claimed:

              “This is about the fifth time these eco loonies have approached us with these silly kind of ideas. The public really need to keep a sense of perspective and not go over the top with these hair-brained and silly schemes. This is really just paranoia and PC correctness taken to ridiculous extremes."

              However, the governments of both Belgium and Italy hinted yesterday that could support the idea in principle subject to the final phrasing of the draft. Belgium, in particular said that they would be happy to do promote the idea widely as well as actively campaigning amongst the wider European community on the morality of the overall idea.

              Mr Gilzean, however, was far from being impressed as he retorted angrily to the 'nonsense' of the Belgian claim:

              "The Belgians don't count, anyway. They were useless in two World Wars even though we held a lot of battles in their own country so that they didn't have to travel very far. I also know for a fact that the Germans thought they were pretty useless, too, and it was the ultimate disgrace to have been shot dead by a Belgian soldier as they were a totally incompetent outfit - almost as bad as the Italians - and really had no stomach for the battle at all. Surprising really, because they eat so much horsemeat that you'd expect them to have a bit of a backbone, but it's hard to think of a worse army in history, let alone in the modern world".

              "And who takes the Italians seriously in anything to with war?" Mr Gilzean angrily went on "They'd be down there with Belgians if it wasn't for the Roman Empire, but they can't live on their history for ever, and it's time they started to think a bit less about ice cream and mandolins and stuff like that and shelled out on a few tanks and learned how to shoot straight".

              Meanwhile, Mr Scanthwaite claimed success was already assured:
              “We’ll probably take a trip over to the European Court with this, they love this kind of stuff and they'd really go for anything that winds up the MoD. And in any case there’s a cracking little Beer Fest just down the road from their main office so we’re thinking of going there, too, if we can sort things out in time”

              ..........................
              Last edited by Herbsandveg; 18-02-2013, 06:06 PM.

              Comment


              • #8
                More civil servants in non jobs. Just what the country needs.
                Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better...Albert Einstein

                Blog - @Twotheridge: For The Record - Sowing and Growing with a Virgin Veg Grower: Spring Has Now Sprung...Boing! http://vvgsowingandgrowing2012.blogs....html?spref=tw

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by VirginVegGrower View Post
                  More civil servants in non jobs. Just what the country needs.
                  It's not real! That's the trouble when you say something is an article and it's just your own 'musings'.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by zazen999 View Post
                    It's not real! That's the trouble when you say something is an article and it's just your own 'musings'.

                    Oops! I think I might be in trouble! Time for half an hour on the naughty step for me...I won't post any more stories....Sorry, Mod.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by zazen999 View Post
                      It's not real! That's the trouble when you say something is an article and it's just your own 'musings'.
                      Nothing surprises me any more though!
                      Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better...Albert Einstein

                      Blog - @Twotheridge: For The Record - Sowing and Growing with a Virgin Veg Grower: Spring Has Now Sprung...Boing! http://vvgsowingandgrowing2012.blogs....html?spref=tw

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Herbsandveg View Post
                        Not as yet, although I'd like to. I've got loads, but I just write for my own pleasure and entertainment...
                        Well I for one got loads of pleasure from reading that matey

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Aberdeenplotter View Post
                          Well I for one got loads of pleasure from reading that matey

                          That's very kind of you to say that, thank you. I've currently got five or six new pieces 'in my head' and just waiting to be written up. I almost always get the entire piece all at once, and then just write it out in full when I have the time. After that it's just the odd tweak here and there, but by far the majority of stories arrive entirely complete and in a sense are almost nothing to do with any work I do at all beyond just writing them all out on paper or on the computer. It's a bit of a weird feeling, actually, and writing was the only thing I was able to continue with in its unspoiled entirety when I was suffering from the deepest possible depression and anxiety I could imagine. In that sense it felt tremendously healing to feel that at least one part of my being was still able to function without any encroachment from the depression.

                          Sorry if any of that sounded unnecessarily maudlin or even pretentious, but they were very real things to me, and I felt it was important to be honest about them.

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                          • #14
                            Keep writing if it helps.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Do you have a Blog, Graham? Maybe you could publish your stories on there and who knows what might come of it. Fame, fortune, or just the sheer pleasure of knowing that others are reading your stories. It seems a shame to just share them with us when they could be enjoyed by a much wider circle.

                              Comment

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