I'm beginning to notice something strange....

**bluemoon** · 08-06-2009, 02:27 PM

Think yourself lucky. When my kids were little the interviewer was allowed to ask you who was going to care for them whilst you were at work, what would happen if they were ill, what if the minder was ill, were you planning on having any more, who would go and watch the school nativity play..... Now they just think all this but, legally at least, aren't allowed to discriminate. I well remember the advice given to me before one interview: 'Take your engagement ring off or they'll think you might be about to get married and have kids'. Shock Horror!!!

**Incy** · 08-06-2009, 02:28 PM

Although they are not supposed to discriminate, some companies really do worry about possible extra time off for childhood illnesses etc and don't feel they can afford it.
I'm lucky that I work for a big company with a really good family friendly policy ( I've been working from home for 2 years due to my son having difficulties...).
I would recommend you don't mention it at interview unless asked a direct question. They really don't need to know until you've been offered a job. After all it's you not your child who will be working for them.

**SarzWix** · 08-06-2009, 02:36 PM

I agree, just don't mention it. And if they do ask, I think you could get away with an "Is that relevant?" to which they will have to answer "No" or they'll be breaking the law, I think.

**taskey** · 08-06-2009, 02:39 PM

i agree with Sarz, dont mention it.

they are not allowed to ask you anything like that anymore.

good luck on the job hunting

Tracy

**tiachica** · 08-06-2009, 02:46 PM

yes, don't mention it.

However, worse even if you look young enough to look as if you could fall pregnant. The dread of having to pay maternity leave....

**Hilary B** · 08-06-2009, 03:06 PM

Originally posted by tiachica View Post

yes, don't mention it.

However, worse even if you look young enough to look as if you could fall pregnant. The dread of having to pay maternity leave....

Big businesses can work round all this stuff. The small company, where you might be a quarter of the workforce, could be put out of business by 'having to pay maternity leave'.
If having a child isn't going to affect your work, then don't mention it. If it might affect your work, be honest about it, and accept that the employer is in business to make a bit of money, NOT to provide a service to employees.
Equality means the same expectations from all, NOT making allowances for things that will only affect some people.

**lizzylemon** · 08-06-2009, 04:01 PM

Originally posted by Hilary B View Post

Big businesses can work round all this stuff. The small company, where you might be a quarter of the workforce, could be put out of business by 'having to pay maternity leave'.
If having a child isn't going to affect your work, then don't mention it. If it might affect your work, be honest about it, and accept that the employer is in business to make a bit of money, NOT to provide a service to employees.
Equality means the same expectations from all, NOT making allowances for things that will only affect some people.

I fully agree with what you say but I'm gob smacked that I'm being looked at in a different light just because I've had a child. I'm only applying for jobs that match my hours available and I believe being honest is an integral part of being a good employee / employer. I could do these jobs standing on my head but because I've a child, I'm suddenly a non-starter. I'm asking for them to see my qualifications not my ability to have children, isn't that what equality is too.....

**Incy** · 08-06-2009, 04:07 PM

In which case having a child will not affect your work and is therefore irelevant at interview stage.
I was in recruitment before and it's not a question I would ask, but as I work for a big company it's never a problem there.
It has to be said though that although new regulations are supposed to help parents, in fact it makes it much harder for small companies to afford to emply them thus reducing the chances of getting a good job. Bit of a catch 22 really.
Good luck in the job search.

**SarzWix** · 08-06-2009, 04:23 PM

It certainly didn't put my dad out of business paying my maternity pay, and I was a third of the workforce. He also managed perfectly well when I had to take time off for ante-natal appts etc.
It costs more to employ some 'young thing' that hasn't yet learned the value of hard work, takes 'sick days' for hangovers and 'can't be arsed' days, than someone who has had a child, 'reached maturity', and is prepared to put extra effort in.

**zazen999** · 08-06-2009, 04:31 PM

I believe that as I wouldn't expect any man to mention whether they have children, then it is not up to any woman to do so either.

However, any employer who disregards people with children is naive and short sighted in my opinion - for the reasons that Sarz mentions. I'd rather a more sensible parent over a young fly by night any day ['scuse the generalisations...I really have been through this before and them's my observations].

**Alice** · 08-06-2009, 05:04 PM

I understand your frustration Lizzylemon and what I have to say is not aimed at you.
Women have children and children have to be cared for. That's a fact of life. That fact limits women's chances in all walks of life. There really is no good way round it.

If you are convinced that having a child will not affect your ability to hold a job and be a good employee then don't mention it. They are not allowed to ask you about it.
Good luck with the job search.

**lizzylemon** · 08-06-2009, 07:14 PM

It makes me cross as I just dont get it. Am I likely to have more time off than the person who cares for elderly parents, or the younger ones who get lashed during the week and has a hangover, or someone going through relationship problems? No!! Bah and Bah again I say !!

**petal** · 08-06-2009, 07:19 PM

Never, ever mention you have children! They see you as not committed! However, some people say you should say you have had your family so they don't suspect you are about to go on maternity leave- which apparently can ruin small businesses - ?

**Alison** · 08-06-2009, 08:35 PM

I have worked with many people who to be honest are a pain in the ass to both their colleagues and the bosses. Some of them cos they come in late after a night on the ale, some cos they spend all day on fag breaks or chatting to their mates and some who use their kids as a reason why they can't pull their weight and travel to meetings / stop for 5 mintues late. The first two of these won't come over in interview (although references might help) and just because somebody has kids doesn't mean they are one of "those" parents however some bad ones (not bad parents, just bad workers) can give others a bad name.

Likewise though, if you are unable to be as flexible as some of your co-workers (due to looking after your own kids, eldery relatives or just needing to take the dog for a walk) then you need to accept that your career might not progress or you might not be able to do a job. A potential employer has the right to know these things (maybe not legally but what's the point in signing up to do something that you can't do). However, if you are confident that your personal life won't interfere with the job then I don't see the need to mention it.

Bit of a waffle but at least I know what I mean!

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