how do you...

**binley100** · 29-08-2010, 07:37 PM

If things have got that bad , you could always try the direct approach .......they'll probably never speak to you again but it doesn't sound like you would be too bothered about that.

Train some brambles along the fence ..........

di · 29-08-2010, 07:57 PM

My first thoughts were to suggest a bit of key swapping

...but then read how she eyes up your OH...could backfire

If I'm pestered by anyone at the lottie I just politely say I've got lots to be doing and get stuck in with working...peeps usually get bored of watching you work and move on.
As for climbing the fence...be firm and point out that there's a gate and you'd rather they use it so as not to damage the fence...one section of ours needs replacing as everyone...kiddies/friends...and us

...use it through laziness and it's now pushed down low enough for rabbits to jump.

**its hilly** · 29-08-2010, 09:23 PM

Just say straight out..Don't climb our fence, this is our chill zone and we dont speak to anyone when we are here, we dont want you pestering us here. If they ignore you and come in anyway complain to whoever runs the allotments.
You'll have to show a united front or they will be sure to ignore you. Either they have rhinoceros hide or you are being too polite.

**jackie j** · 30-08-2010, 08:02 AM

Stick your earphones in and listen to music or pretend to, dont invite them to take coffee etc with you at the plot. Ignore them as much as possible. Tell them not to use the fence to enter, and please enter only when invited to do so. They will soon get the message. When at home try and keep them on the doorstep, I sometimes answer the door with the phone in my hand and say sorry cant stop now. Or I look through the window and see who it is and pretend to be out.

**pink-angel29** · 30-08-2010, 11:28 AM

thanks for your replies.
I have dropped alot of hints to them........ having a rant at how idiots keep climbing our fence, how we dont need other peoples company etc.
I know i need to tell them to do one lol but im a shy sorta person lol

**swansea girl** · 30-08-2010, 11:50 AM

If these were people you get on with but dont want to see so often I could see how it could be tricky,but as you said in your first post you dont get on with them and its even making you have panic attacks,I really think being direct with them is best...how about telling them something along the lines of
I don't want to offend you or upset you (optional-you are nice people)but me and the hubby prefer our own company and would prefer to be left alone especially at the allotment as its one of the things we really enjoy to ourselves,I hope you understand
hopefully they wont take offence and leave you alone and if they do take offence they will certainly leave you alone

just noticed you asked if anybody else had problems like this...well me and the OH are like you in not having regular contact with people but I find it earier to be direct (OH says Im a little too direct sometimes) I will tell people that "I'd rather they didn't" when they say they'll pop around and tell them "no" when they ask us to go somewhere etc...I dont offer reasons or excuses either but if they ask I tell them "I dont want to" I know how it may come across but I would rather do that than worry about it...and I would tell someone that I dont want to speak to them as I dont like them.That way I really do only have people in my life that I actually do want in it...and they are the ones that don't take offence when I say "I want you to go now,Don't come round etc

**Jax** · 30-08-2010, 12:01 PM

I have the same problem, I tried the subtle aproach and it didnt work. I tried the direct route, didnt work (although hubby at least gets a phone call now but wont say "sorry we are busy" or anything. Have you tried saying to them that your OH is really not well at the moment and needs some time to rest and be left alone. It wont help at the lotty but if you can get them away from your home and your only bumping into them at the lotty then it wouldnt be as bad. Start not answering the door and screening calls and if they pull you up on it when you do see them tell them you have been busy with whatever excuse.

I really hope you get it sorted as although I have no knowledge about Crohns disease I do know about panic attacks and depression and I know how awful these can be.

Big Hugs xxxx

**quark1** · 30-08-2010, 02:22 PM

Quite frankly if you've tried all 'polite' approaches then the brick-bat is all that is left to you. If you truly do NOT want any further contact with these people then just cut the umbilical which ever way you can.

But please remember that both you and OH have 'problems' for which friends might be an outlet/support in the future - even those who are not top of the list right now.

Just make yourself/ves 'less avaliable' - if they call round unexpectedly - just have a strategy of reaching for the coats/bags/keys etc and say you're just on way out and 'now' is not convenient - even if its just round the block and back after they've gone. Still don't quite know why it should be YOU having to go to these measures though.

To be honest - perhaps it is them who are needy of contact rather than yourselves? But people need to be able to take the pushback with good grace before they make pariahs of themselves and end up with NO contact at all.

Good luck - it's not going to be easy.......but if they logon here......they may get the message via back-door!

**pink-angel29** · 30-08-2010, 04:45 PM

thanks for the replys everyone.
I think the next time i see them im going to tell them to leave us alone.
We do have afew close friends who also have some issues with these people. so i know its not me being paranoid.
Ive even walked out of my own bbq because they have invited themselves.

**Alison** · 30-08-2010, 06:51 PM

I've never had a situation as bad as you describe and enjoy meeting people and socialising but when somebody is annoying me I try to see it from a different point of view (helps me but probably doesn't work for some people). I always start from the point that people are basically decent (truely believe this, despite what we're told on the TV all the time

) and that sometimes they are a bit tackless or generally rubbish with certain situations. Copying really can be seen as a compliment as it is their way of indirectly saying that you they are envious of your life and the fact that they want to spend their time with you tells you that they love your company. I know this doesn't change the fact that you find them annoying but if you keep telling yourself these things then it can help to cope and is nicer than counting to 100 (or even 1000). One of my closest friends was once an annoying hanger-on, it turned out that she was quite lonely and insecure and found life rather difficult. She coped by hanging onto anybody who she felt wouldn't be critical of her which made her seem a difficult almost stalker like person. Fortunately over time I've got to know her better and she's chilled somewhat and I now really enjoy her company. Not saying that these people are the same as I've never met them but wanted to share my experiences.

**pink-angel29** · 30-08-2010, 07:55 PM

I have tried being nice to them(many times), but its impossible when she totally ignores me and will only talk to my oh.
One time at the allotment, i was mucking out the chickens using the wheelbarrow only feet away from her, and she shouts my oh (who is a good 25 foot away and behind our shed)and asks if she can use our wheelbarrow

On rare occations me and oh will invite a friend around for an evening and somehow this couple come in and take over and we have to sit and listen to them talk about themselves all evening.
yes maybe i should be flattered she copies everything i do, but i just find it creepy now lol
As i keep saying to them you cant get on with everyone, some people just dont click.
Me and oh have made many really good friends since getting our plot and i suppose i just liked having something they couldnt intrude on
Im so sorry about the rant i will stop now lol

**zazen999** · 30-08-2010, 08:15 PM

Totally ignores you but will come and eat at your table?

You do need to be a bit more 'feisty'; how did they know you had people round and why let them through the door?

Start telling people that you have joined a Salsa class, on a *day night - and that night get dressed up and just drive somewhere - tell people vaguely where you go and see if they try and join every salsa class - by the time they work out that you haven't you can just laugh at them and their obsession with you...

**Seahorse** · 30-08-2010, 08:15 PM

Oh dear! As others have suggested, it sounds as though they are the ones with 'problems' but that doesn't make it any better for you! I can very much understand your need for your own space and (reading between the lines a bit) your not wanting to be too confrontational. Maybe writing them a letter would help? Then you can say exactly what you want to without any risk of either 'going too far' or not saying enough? I think polite but very, very firm is the way to go.

**pink-angel29** · 30-08-2010, 08:35 PM

hmmm maybe a letter might work seahorse.
and in reply to zazen they ring and go to everyones house and hang outs continuosley until they have found someone to spend the whole day and evening with. (i have 4 kids 2 with special needs) so i have no time for these people.
the kids are back at school this week so i think i will put some sort of plan into action

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