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  • Cash Machines

    A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
    'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

    Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.'

    After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'
    *******************************
    MALE PROCEDURE:

    1. Drive up to the cash machine.

    2. LOWER your car window.

    3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

    4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

    5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

    6. Raise window.

    7. Drive off.

    *********** ********************
    FEMALE PROCEDURE:


    1. Drive up to cash machine.

    2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

    3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

    4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

    5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

    6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

    7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

    8. Insert card.

    9. Re-insert card the right way.

    10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

    11. Enter PIN.

    12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

    13. Enter amount of cash required.

    14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

    15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

    16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

    17. Write debit amount in cheque book and place receipt in back of it.

    18. Re-check makeup.

    19. Drive forward 2 feet.

    20. Reverse back to cash machine.

    21. Retrieve card.

    22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

    23. Give dirty look to irate ma le driver waiting behind you.

    24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

    25. Redial person on cell phone.

    26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

    27. Release Parking Brake.
    __________________
    Last edited by bubblewrap; 27-02-2008, 05:55 PM.
    The river Trent is lovely, I know because I have walked on it for 18 years.
    Brian Clough

  • #2
    ... and as Bubblewrap quickly ducks behind his Jerusalem Artichokes ...waiting for the rotton cabbages to be thrown in his direction ... LOL
    I you'st to have a handle on the world .. but it BROKE!!

    Comment


    • #3
      there may be trouble ahead ...
      There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore and who always will. Don't worry about people from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it in your future.

      Comment


      • #4
        Just to back up my previous post
        YouTube - Woman in a car park
        The river Trent is lovely, I know because I have walked on it for 18 years.
        Brian Clough

        Comment


        • #5
          Blind bloke goes in a bar and says the the bar man want to hear a blonde joke?
          Baman I am a blonde 6ft Lesbian.
          He feels a tap on the shoulder and a woman says I am a 5ft 8 15 stone blonde Lesban Truckriver
          the feels a tap on the other shoulder and a femail voice says I am the bouncer and I am blonde and a black belt and you are in a leaban bar.

          Blind man says Buggger does this mean that I am going to have to explain this joke five times then.
          My phone has more Processing power than the Computers NASA used to fake the Moon Landings

          Comment


          • #6
            How it should be done notice it's a woman
            YouTube - Nice Car Parking
            Last edited by bubblewrap; 27-02-2008, 07:42 PM.
            The river Trent is lovely, I know because I have walked on it for 18 years.
            Brian Clough

            Comment


            • #7
              The reason womem can't reach the ticket slots in car parks is because they have SHORTER ARMS THAN MEN!!!!!
              Though it is a proven fact that women are the better drivers,

              Comment


              • #8
                Man walks into a bar....says ouch.

                A simple dude trying to grow veg. http://haywayne.blogspot.com/

                BLOG UPDATED! http://haywayne.blogspot.com/2012/01...ar-demand.html 30/01/2012

                Practise makes us a little better, it doesn't make us perfect.


                What would Vedder do?

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Polly Fouracre View Post
                  The reason womem can't reach the ticket slots in car parks is because they have SHORTER ARMS THAN MEN!!!!!
                  Though it is a proven fact that women are the better drivers,
                  Specifically, women are safer drivers. Which is even more important I think!

                  I like this one:

                  YouTube - CrAzY DriVinG
                  Resistance is fertile

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Paul Wagland View Post

                    I like this one:

                    YouTube - CrAzY DriVinG

                    OUCH!!!!!
                    "Nicos, Queen of Gooooogle" and... GYO's own Miss Marple

                    Location....Normandy France

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by bubblewrap View Post
                      A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
                      'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

                      FEMALE PROCEDURE:


                      1. Drive up to cash machine.

                      2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

                      3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

                      4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

                      5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

                      6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

                      7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

                      8. Insert card.

                      9. Re-insert card the right way.

                      10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

                      11. Enter PIN.

                      12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

                      13. Enter amount of cash required.

                      14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

                      15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

                      16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

                      17. Write debit amount in cheque book and place receipt in back of it.

                      18. Re-check makeup.

                      19. Drive forward 2 feet.

                      20. Reverse back to cash machine.

                      21. Retrieve card.

                      22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

                      23. Give dirty look to irate ma le driver waiting behind you.

                      24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

                      25. Redial person on cell phone.

                      26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

                      27. Release Parking Brake.
                      __________________
                      You been spying on me Bubblewrap?
                      Imagination is everything, it is a preview of what is to become.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Polly Fouracre View Post
                        Though it is a proven fact that women are the better drivers,
                        ha ha ha ha thats the funniest joke I have heard in a long while
                        My phone has more Processing power than the Computers NASA used to fake the Moon Landings

                        Comment

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