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  • 3 simple tasks....

    A man starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

    First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this, a huge fish
    jumps out and bites him. To show the others who's boss, he beats it to
    death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased, he
    disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat
    anything.

    Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimp house,
    he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two
    chimps with a spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to
    the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the
    corpses into the lion enclosure.

    He moved on to the last job, which is to collect honey from the South American bees.
    As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees. He> grabs the spade and smashes
    the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lion's cage - because
    lions eat anything.

    Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He
    wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"

    The lions say "Absolutely brilliant. Today we had fish and chimps with mushy
    bees
    A simple dude trying to grow veg. http://haywayne.blogspot.com/

    BLOG UPDATED! http://haywayne.blogspot.com/2012/01...ar-demand.html 30/01/2012

    Practise makes us a little better, it doesn't make us perfect.


    What would Vedder do?

  • #2
    Another cracker HeyWayne! Passed it on already!
    Whoever plants a garden believes in the future.

    www.vegheaven.blogspot.com Updated March 9th - Spring

    Comment


    • #3
      Was also sent these this morning....



      Smart Arsed Answers


      6th Place

      It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane: "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in the front row.

      ”What are my choices?" the man asked.

      "Yes or no," she replied.



      5th Place

      A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.


      As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.

      Without blinking an eye she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."


      4th Place


      A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a market, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a passing assistant, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

      The assistant replied, "I'm afraid not, they're dead."


      3rd Place


      The British policeman got out of his car and the boy racer he stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the bobby said.

      The kid replied, "Yes, well I got here as fast as I could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


      2nd Place


      A lorry driver was traveling along a country road. A sign came up that read "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars were backed up for miles.

      Finally, a police car arrived. The policeman got out of his car and walked to the truck's cab and said to the driver, "Got stuck, eh?"

      The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of petrol!"


      Smart Arsed Answer of the Year 2007


      A teacher at a technical college reminded her pupils of their final exam the following day.

      "Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

      A smart-arsed chappie at the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

      When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
      A simple dude trying to grow veg. http://haywayne.blogspot.com/

      BLOG UPDATED! http://haywayne.blogspot.com/2012/01...ar-demand.html 30/01/2012

      Practise makes us a little better, it doesn't make us perfect.


      What would Vedder do?

      Comment


      • #4
        Brilliant!

        Thanks for sharing, Mandy

        Comment


        • #5
          Where d'ya find em Heywayne? You just crack me up!!!
          Imagination is everything, it is a preview of what is to become.

          Comment


          • #6
            Brilliant!!!!
            Life may not be the party we hoped for but since we're here we might as well dance

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by lainey lou View Post
              Where d'ya find em Heywayne? You just crack me up!!!
              One does one's best!

              I just have some funny friends I guess. That didn't sound right, but you get my meaning?
              A simple dude trying to grow veg. http://haywayne.blogspot.com/

              BLOG UPDATED! http://haywayne.blogspot.com/2012/01...ar-demand.html 30/01/2012

              Practise makes us a little better, it doesn't make us perfect.


              What would Vedder do?

              Comment


              • #8
                You make my day HeyWayne, everyday. Keep it up.

                From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs.

                Comment

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