Grow Your Own Magazine

After months of cold and winter, we are finally coming up to summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....
(5) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon

seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

I know thats how it goes in my garden what about in yours?

tee hee, heard that one before but it's still a goodie, and soooooo true!

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Imagination is everything, it is a preview of what is to become.

Here's how it goes in my house:-

1 - Man helps wife buy the food, because she never buys enough! She's feeding six, he's feeding Sussex!

2 - Man lights barbeque (a real one, not an outdoors gas hob!), then helps wife prepare vegetables.

3 - Wife prepares salad and dessert. A job that should take 10 minutes but takes an hour because wife sees an opportunity to catch up with friends/mums gossip.

4 - Man leaves her to it and goes away remarking that salad isn't food, it's only what food eats!

5 - Man joins friends outside remarking "Now that's a fire, Gus!" (old Eddie Murphy live video joke) at the barbeque in his best Tim-the-Toolman Taylor voice to other friends forcing him to help them drink beer.

6 - Man prepares meat and chopped onions.

Here's an important bit:-

7 - Man cooks meat. NOTE:- Despite wife's insistence that this cooking malarkey is hard, it requires nothing but patience and monitoring to do properly. Some men have it, some don't. Some are so impatient they insist on trying to speed barbeque up with the air from hairdryers and forget that raw chicken will not cook in 2 minutes no matter how black the outside gets!

8 - Wife pops her head outside, then goes back in because there's some gossip she's forgotten to share with friends/mum.

9 - Wife triumphantly comes out to tell the man that the veg, salad, plates, cutlery, napkins, sauces, condiments and dessert are all ready on the table inside.

10 - Man wonders what all these strange sounding things are, since he has everything he needs for a barbeque outside. FRIENDS, BEER, and MEAT!!!!!

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Veni, Vidi, Velcro.
I came, I saw, I stuck around.

Here's how it goes in our house:

Barbecue is decided for given day, rain forecast for same day.

Drinks are poured

Food is jointly prepared

Drinks are poured

Food is jointly cooked

Drinks are poured

Food is jointly eaten

Drinks are poured

Drink is jointly drunk

Good times are jointly had

Drink is poured

Clear-up is jointly left for the next day

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A simple dude trying to grow veg.

http://haywayne.blogspot.com/ - UPDATED - 11th June

http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style2,HeyWayne.png

In our house it goes as follows:

Wife does the sodding lot.

Bit like that here Anne-Marie! Mr F isn't a fan of barbies. I am, so if I decide we're having one, I do it.

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Some days you're the statue, some days you're the pigeon!

vegheaven.blogspot.com Updated July 16th 2008

I wouldn't mind, but I'm the vegetarian!

i love barbies nothing better than grilled freshly caught mackeral (cant do it now no longer by the coast ) must admit all chores were jointly shared other than the lighting of the barby (MANS JOB UG )which usually has me going round all the neighbours telling em to get there washing in as its smoking out the whole street been very tempted to ring the fire brigade

mind you my mum neighbours got a fright one night happliy drinking their beers chatting away, everyone else had gone home (male bonding thing in front of fire) but the flames were seen from the beach and 2 students rang the fire brigade telling them a house was on fire, needless to say 2 rather tipsy guys had a bit of a shock when 4 firemen came running round the bk with there hoses

With the old BBQ I always lit it because I can't understand his insistence on use of lighter fuel/petrol etc. Why rush?
Now we have been given a gas BBQ by my BIL (he upgraded) I can't get the darn thing lit!!
He makes BBQ sauce (secret recipe), I do the rest. Being left to do the clearing up alone gives me the opportunity to indulge in my swearing and cupboard-door-banging habit!!
The dogs assist by clearing the garden of dropped grub.

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I'd rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion.

http://hollandsroadparadise.blogspot.com
updated 14 May 2008

That first one is about right for what happens in our house Made slightly worse because I don't drink (alcohol), so by the time I've finished all the kitchen jobs everybody is half sozzled and talking cr@p
I don't like barbies much!

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Sarah

http://wixypixies.blogspot.com/

“Tell me one last thing,” said Harry. “Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?”
“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?”

For the recently appointed cleaner!

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My Majesty made for him a garden anew in order
to present to him vegetables and all beautiful flowers.- Offerings of Thutmose III to Amon-Ra (1500 BCE)

Now I like that idea! Well done dude.

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A simple dude trying to grow veg.

http://haywayne.blogspot.com/ - UPDATED - 11th June

http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style2,HeyWayne.png

It goes like this in our house,as it did last Sunday.

Wifey invites all and sundry to a party, then informs me, I get all huffy as its the first weekend off this month and I want to spend it down the lottie.

I go shopping taking DD(3) with me and buy all necessary food having planned what I am going to cook catering for 22. Wifey does usual wifey thing and gets obsessive about how clean the toilet is and then spring cleans the house just incase anyone should remark.

DD and I have fun shopping and have a treat for journey home, wifey gets upset cos we forget to get her one and DD couldn't keep a secret!!

I spend 2 hours cleaning spuds, then prepare marinades, and meat (wifey doesn't touch meat!) make home made bread, and pizza dough. Wifey gets annoyed because I'm hogging the kitchen, and she wants to bake a cake. I leave her to it, going outside to put a roof on Wendy house built for DD then felt and batten it, as wifey thinks it might rain tomorrow and the kids will need somewhere to stay dry.

Sunday spend 7 hours preparing for party, before wifey decides she thinks the grass needs cutting, I undertake task as guests start to arrive, then cooking all ingredients, wifey greets guests and chats, we all feast and drink to hearts content. Everyone goes home happy and wifey goes in the bath with DD while I tidy up. Wifey says that was nice we'll have to do it again soon, I have huff.

Another free weekend completely lost down the lottie!!!

In our house it's:
Do you fancy a barbecue?
Nah
Cool, lets go to the pub.


Job done.

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Andrea :wavehello

http://www.growfruitandveg.co.uk/gra...logs/zazen999/

moon trial underway with onions, lettuce, tomatoes and calabrese.