A delicate issue of tact

**Small pumpkin** · 09-07-2017, 08:59 AM

I missed my appointment for diplomatic skills so I'm afraid I really wouldn't be any help.
Just wanted to say good luck.

**Bill Door** · 09-07-2017, 09:27 AM

I don't think you can be tactful in such a situation. However, I think there are other options to explore first. If you have a "committee" for the site or a council representative, then I think you should inform them that you wish to be organic but have the difficulty with your neighbour. Ask if there is anyway that you could "transfer" away from the problem (you might get a bigger plot; bonus) or have they any experience of dealing with problems such as this. If they basically say "no" to these requests then I should warn them that you will have to tackle this yourself and just get on with it. It may be that your neighbour just has no conception of the "difficulties" he is giving you and you will just have to tell him and advise him not to spread chemicals on your plot.

Do not start any conversation on this with a "sorry but". That is of no help whatsoever. Just use your normal conversational tone and manner. Explain why you want him to stop and tell him that if it continues you will have to complain to the site rep/committee. Above all don't let it fester as the more you get upset the bigger the problem gets in your mind. Then it gets harder to "push" the problem away.

Having said all that don't do what people suggest unless you feel comfortable with it and understand the consequences of your actions.

Good luck

**bramble** · 09-07-2017, 09:43 AM

As the ant powder msy only be a seasonal thing you might overlook it.
If he is not putting slug pellets on you own plants there may not be much you can do.
Can you erect any kind of a fence or a barrier between the two plots.

**Nicos** · 09-07-2017, 09:48 AM

That really is a difficult one!
You probably drive him bonkers too (but he's too polite to say????) ....he probably sees your plot as a massive breeding ground for pests which will then affect his plot

Tis very, very difficult to have 2 so differing approaches so close together.

No harm in trying!
Asking the committee for tactful advice would be my way to go too.
Change of plot ? Maybe, but would you find it heartbreaking to start again with the potential risk of another neighbour doing something similar?

Good luck, not a nice situation to be in, even if you know yours to be the most ecologically sound approach.

**DannyK** · 09-07-2017, 10:00 AM

Maybe the possible harm to pets could give you an easy in. At least it won't make you sound like a tree hugger.

Unfortunately he'll probably take umbrage if you suggest he reads the instructions.

**Darthcider** · 09-07-2017, 10:45 AM

What Bill said.

Don't let other people make the bullets for you to fire and you find yourself in a situation that you not comfortable with or cannot control.

**Finley** · 09-07-2017, 11:10 AM

Ha that's excellent advice all round. I'm sure I do drive him nuts, with my homemade bean cages, lasagna gardening and bee friendly borders! I think I'll just go for the pet thing, his wife has a little dog so it would be valid.. it's a shared central pathway so no way around it. I know he wants my plot but I do too, the views are fantastic. Our allotment committee are more like him than me so I shouldn't think I'd get any support there.
OK. This is the plan: No 'sorry but', no red-faced bellowing, no advising him to read the instructions and above all, no tree hugging! Thanks

**Nicos** · 09-07-2017, 12:58 PM

Good luck!
( I do wonder if there may be a slight 'accidentally doing some of it on purpose' if he is after your plot???...or am I being mean??)

**Potstubsdustbins** · 09-07-2017, 03:28 PM

^^^^^^^^^^In a word NO your just being realistic knowing human nature.

**Finley** · 09-07-2017, 04:43 PM

Nicos, you were dead on, except for the politeness thing! I just went up to the allotments and received a tirade from my neighbour - a proper tirade, full on shoutiness and red face. Apparently organic is bull. Anyways, went to check with the committee to see if my plot is ok. It is, apparently. Horrible bullying would-be plot usurper!

**Baldy** · 09-07-2017, 09:19 PM

Get a barrel of comfrey nettle weed tea on the go as near to him as possible and ensure it wafts in his direction... Horse manure to.
Well, best of luck anyway.

**sparrow100** · 09-07-2017, 10:28 PM

Tirades and shoutiness are just not on as a response to a simple request - asking someone to be careful on shared paths/ground is also commonsense. It being on your plot is also not on. Our Committee would not be having that. Perhaps they could have a quiet word to get him to keep to his own space?

Good luck with dealing with him in the future - I hope you can agree to do your own things on your own plots. I think if you went down the stinky barrel route you might find it upturned on your plot one morning...

**Nicos** · 10-07-2017, 09:34 AM

Eek!...sorry to hear that....I did half expect that to be the case.
Now you need to rise above things and ....as rary says....keep a smile on your face, espesh when he's around

Hopefully the committee will do the right thing by you.
You pay the same amount as he does, you have the same rights so long as you stick to the committee rules.
Lets hope it all calms down quickly x

**Jonny.D** · 10-07-2017, 11:28 AM

Finley, I'm thinking if the outburst was immediate then the neighbour would have been bottling up anger for a while.

As others have suggested, best go down the committee road and I do hope you get an outcome you can live with, though this comment came to mind

"Some people you have to kill to make them understand"

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