confidence

**Alison** · 03-05-2012, 02:34 PM

I find that gardening really helps me in many ways, partially by being outside in the fresh air (this does me a world of good) but also the doing of routine and simple tasks which I need to concentrate on helps put my mind at rest over things. That probably won't help your OH much but maybe there is something that he likes doing and has a talent for that he can spend more time on. That can make your brain feel that if you can do one thing then you can do another. Small steps and all that. Some people I know find that a new hair cut or outfit boosts confidence but for other people that is short term thing as they then feel guility about the expenditure. Sorry but not an easy fix as I'm sure you're more than aware.

**Glutton4...** · 03-05-2012, 02:47 PM

I spend a short while thinking about those people that are far far worse off than me, whatever their situation may be; illness, poverty, war, etc. A short while spent reflecting on how difficult their lives must be, always manages to help me shake off my worries and realise that I am, in fact, far better off than many, and I usually snap out of it.

It works for me.

**veggiechicken** · 03-05-2012, 03:02 PM

Get a dog? They are so rewarding as company, never questioning your moods, just accepting and giving back to you. They need exercise so have to be taken out and other dogwalkers have a bond. I know lots of dog owners by their dog's name, haven't a clue who the owner is. If you have a dog that looks appealing, strangers stop and want to make a fuss of it. I find my dogs make people smile, and chat. They are ice breakers and it works for me and for the total strangers I meet.
I know little about agoraphobia and for that I apologise; I appreciate that going out for a walk may be difficult but when another living creature is dependent upon you that can be a catalyst to do things that might otherwise seem impossible.

**cardiffsteve** · 03-05-2012, 05:03 PM

I'm sure you are giviing it to him but gentle encouragement from others is what he needs.
I'm sure he has skills and knowledge to give to other people encourage him to help others even from your own home.
You could try one of the mental health charities. phone them and talk to them ask for advice.
I used MIND, they were very helpful and its free. you can give donations but they dont expect it especially if your on benefits. You can speak to the helpline which is free.

Little steps, little goals, dont tackle everything at once.

How do you eat an elephant, one bite at a time.

Best of luck to you both

**Jax** · 03-05-2012, 05:59 PM

Aww thankyou guys. Its not easy, but we keep trying. We got a ford anglia 105e in a terrible state and have been restoring it as a "bribe" to keep him going outside but as long as its close to the house. If only he could have the confidence to make the decisions he needs to and carry them through instead of questioning his actions.

**Jax** · 03-05-2012, 06:00 PM

Veggiechicken: He wont get a dog as he cant take them for a walk etc etc. We would like a dog but I suppose its sensible. However we do have a cat, a gerbil and an army of chicken

**rustylady** · 03-05-2012, 06:08 PM

Jax, you posted on Mikeywills thread saying "A guy knocked on the door from the village and turned out he had been working up the courage to come and say "Hi" for a while as we restore ford anglia 105e as a hobby (was a bribe to get hubby going outside!) and he wanted to get into the same but lacked the confidence to do so and wanted some advice but he was so afraid that we wouldnt be approachable people he hadnt felt able to."

Any hope of nurturing this gentleman as company for your OH? They might be able to work on the car together.

**Jax** · 03-05-2012, 06:12 PM

I am hoping so, hubby isnt so keen on new people so it takes abit of work!! Abit of a gentle "nudge" and hopefully it will blossom

**veggiechicken** · 03-05-2012, 06:18 PM

Originally posted by Jax View Post

Veggiechicken: He wont get a dog as he cant take them for a walk etc etc. We would like a dog but I suppose its sensible. However we do have a cat, a gerbil and an army of chicken

I thought that would be your answer and, of course, if he wouldn't walk the dog, it would be another thing for you to do. Does he like dogs? If so do you have a friend with a dog who could visit, and maybe build up a relationship that could lead to a walk?
I feel for you both

**taff** · 03-05-2012, 06:27 PM

I find that sitting round and concentrating on your problems makes themseem worse. When I'm feeling particularly down about something, I'll go out and do something, or do something indoors, anything really, because if you're doing, you can't think at the same time.
Sowing, reading, diy, making shelves, digging up a garden, re-desiging, a project, anything.....

ooops...confidence wasn't it?

more or less the same really. Find something you're good at and do it. Every time you do it, or complete something, you feel a bit better....

**Florence Fennel** · 03-05-2012, 06:29 PM

Jax you have the patience of a saint and I know that whatever I could suggest you have already tried and you are constantly looking to try new things. He's lucky to have you as a partner. I hope things get better for you both. I bet Cleo is fully grown now? Time for another kitten? As always I wish you both well.
I do hope when the car's fully restored he will find the confidence to take you for a well earned spin!

**Florence Fennel** · 03-05-2012, 06:30 PM

Just a thought Jax, are there any on-line short courses he could do? Maybe that would help.

**Jax** · 03-05-2012, 06:36 PM

Originally posted by veggiechicken View Post

I feel for you both

Aww no sad faces. Look everyone has a cross to bear. We just have to deal with the cards we are dealt and find the right way through.

**Jax** · 03-05-2012, 06:38 PM

Originally posted by Florence Fennel View Post

Jax you have the patience of a saint and I know that whatever I could suggest you have already tried and you are constantly looking to try new things. He's lucky to have you as a partner. I hope things get better for you both. I bet Cleo is fully grown now? Time for another kitten? As always I wish you both well.
I do hope when the car's fully restored he will find the confidence to take you for a well earned spin!

Hehe, thankyou. I would say a saint but hey we can throw the word around for a while and see LOL. Yes Cleo is 2 now. Still the mentality of a kitten, considering breeding her and keeping one kitten but we arent sure as it is a big commitment. I am hoping so too, I learnt to weld for that bloomin car!!! LOL

Announcement

confidence

confidence

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Latest Topics

Recent Blog Posts