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All was right with the World.
The Sun was baking, everywhere was weeded and watered - I walked around the garden internally nodding at my heaving display of flowery goodness, when something hit my greenhouse.
I thought at first it was a football due to the loud bang, but lack of children and the silence around pointed elsewhere. As I peered inside, there sat a behemoth of a fully-grown male Wood Pigeon, eyeing me sideways as he sat on the edge of a bucket of Gardeners Delight.
Now I know that it would be the normal thing for a man to walk in and shoo the interloper out, close the door and carry on as normal, but I found myself doing a half walk/run thing away from the greenhouse uttering ohmygod ohmygod under my breath.
As I stood rooted in fear and ignorance, I jumped as there was another almighty crash as the dense creature smashed into a pane in an attempt to leave the baking death chamber.
I did the strange walk/run thing back to the greenhouse and peered in, at which point the pigeon gave up on escape and decided it was in everyone's best interests if he just had a fit and flapped and smashed his way around every tomato and cucumber in the greenhouse in an explosion of feathers, excrement and plant shrapnel.
I am sad to say that even after that, I didn't man up, and instead went to pick the wife up and feign utter surprise at the newly-discovered devastation (and lack of pigeon) on our return.
The Sun was baking, everywhere was weeded and watered - I walked around the garden internally nodding at my heaving display of flowery goodness, when something hit my greenhouse.
I thought at first it was a football due to the loud bang, but lack of children and the silence around pointed elsewhere. As I peered inside, there sat a behemoth of a fully-grown male Wood Pigeon, eyeing me sideways as he sat on the edge of a bucket of Gardeners Delight.
Now I know that it would be the normal thing for a man to walk in and shoo the interloper out, close the door and carry on as normal, but I found myself doing a half walk/run thing away from the greenhouse uttering ohmygod ohmygod under my breath.
As I stood rooted in fear and ignorance, I jumped as there was another almighty crash as the dense creature smashed into a pane in an attempt to leave the baking death chamber.
I did the strange walk/run thing back to the greenhouse and peered in, at which point the pigeon gave up on escape and decided it was in everyone's best interests if he just had a fit and flapped and smashed his way around every tomato and cucumber in the greenhouse in an explosion of feathers, excrement and plant shrapnel.
I am sad to say that even after that, I didn't man up, and instead went to pick the wife up and feign utter surprise at the newly-discovered devastation (and lack of pigeon) on our return.
...I dread to think how big the poop would be 
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