why oh why????????

**piskieinboots** · 22-10-2009, 09:32 PM

oh Phil - how truly awful

let him talk/cry/babble whatever he needs to, just be there for him and then you need to do the same

I am so sorry to hear this rotten sh!ity news you are having to cope with.

(((hugs)))
x

**Pies** · 22-10-2009, 09:34 PM

You and yours have my condolences,and my your mum RIP

Not much more I can say its an empty feeling

di · 22-10-2009, 09:35 PM

Really sorry Phil!{{{x}}}

Don't worry about finding the words...you're there for him/each other...sometimes presence means more than words.
Lots of love to you & your dad.xxx

**Jeanied** · 22-10-2009, 09:36 PM

Of course you can babble -grapes here know exactly how you feel and I think both stella and babble are essential at this stage. You need to focus on a) what you need and b) what your old fella needs - and this will be for the next few months. If it is any comfort at all, you need to be doing what you know to be the right thing and clearly you are doing that. All things will pass in their own good time, and all will be well. Apart from that I can offer ((((((hugs))))) and don't feel bad about anything at this stage. Take your time and several glasses of something you fancy!!
One of the first things I did was to write a letter of commendation about the police officer who attended me - his Chief constable wrote back to me to thank me for my thank you! It has gone on the officer's file - well deserved as he was great!

**janeyo** · 22-10-2009, 09:45 PM

What a horrible shock for all of you - Grieving affects everyone in different ways and of course you can come on here and vent whenever you feel the need X

**FionaH** · 22-10-2009, 09:52 PM

You poor thing, what a shock for all of you. When my Mum died two years back we were concerned my Dad wouldn't be able to cope. He got through it because of his grandchildren, he adores them.
Vent and babble on here all you want mate

**binley100** · 22-10-2009, 09:52 PM

So sorry for you and your dad . All you can do is be there for each other at such a sad time. xxx

**ginger ninger** · 22-10-2009, 10:02 PM

There's not a lot anyone can say at a time like this, it will be devastating for your dad and he'll need you more than ever now, I'm sure you'll find the strength to help and be there for him, but don't forget to look after yourself as well. Take your time. My love and thoughts are with you and your family at this very sad time.xx

**Hans Mum** · 23-10-2009, 07:47 AM

condolences to you & yours, you & your dad will find comfort in the fact that your mum didnt suffer a long drawn out illness, take one day at a time and remember to look after you as well [[[[hugs]]]]

**Brengirl** · 23-10-2009, 07:55 AM

Take some comfort from the fact that your mum left without lingering in pain. Remember her with joy.

**HeyWayne** · 23-10-2009, 08:03 AM

Dude, my sincerest sympathies - what a shock.

As Brengirl said, take some comfort if you can in the fact that your Mum didn't suffer.

Take as long as you need, say as much as you need.

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die!

Mary Frye (1932)

**Nicos** · 23-10-2009, 08:08 AM

Oh dear...don't really know what to say- but you're certainly having a rough time of it Phil.

He knows you'll be there for him- and him for you- have a good cry- both of you.
Maybe making a list of all the things your mom liked and enjoyed may help you both focus on something positive rather than the negative of her loss.
Perhaps you could read it out at the Wake?

You're not alone in your loss- friends and family will feel it too- all in slightly different ways...it's a very sad time for all, so share your feelings, it may help someone else open up and help them grieve too.

Condolences to you and your family and friends xx

**Headfry** · 23-10-2009, 08:13 AM

Phil I am so sorry to hear your news, this happened to me back in May.
I send all my love to you and your family and friends.

I liken this time of great sadness to a freshly broken pebble on a beach....
the waves gently round the harsh pointy bits with time, and a little more time polishes the stone forever to keep.

**FROSTYFRECKLE** · 23-10-2009, 08:23 AM

Phil, so sorry to hear you've lost your mum. You will find comfort (in time) that your mum did not suffer. You and your family are in my family's thoughts and prayers.

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