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  • #1

    Very off the GYO subject

    Hi guys.
    I was wondering if anyone has fostered a distant family member before? How was the process for you?

    I thought I'd ask on here as I know many of you are of an age where one of you must of had an experience of this kind?

    So here goes....

    I'm looking to foster my cousins child, he lived with his nan till the age of 9 and she abandoned him 14 days ago. His mother cant take him in, his granddad doesn't want him, and we are desperate for him to come and live with us. His mother signed him over to be fostered out on Friday gone and he is going into a foster home on Monday. I've contacted social services telling them we will take him in, pay for what ever he needs and this will be his home just like it is the rest of my kids, but I'm worried that now the mother has signed him over we wont get the chance to have him here with us. We have never done anything like this before, we are both 31 with 3 kids one being a step child. We have in the past been reported to SS by vindictive neighbours and family and I've been very open with SS and told them they can come round any time they like and check on the kids. I think they checked them out at the school and nothing... but I worry that this could effect us fostering....

    Anyone got any info that can help, I'm worried sick.
    If you want to view paradise
    Simply look around and view it.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    I have no useful advice to offer - sorry.
    How would the lad's Mother feel about her son coming to live with you?

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    • #3
      I have no experience of this whatsoever, but I would have thought that being upfront with social services is a very good thing. I would hope that it is seen by the authorities as being a better thing for the youngster to be with family than not.

      I would also like to add that you are very generous-hearted to take the lad on, something which might not always be plain sailing for either the nipper or you and the family.

      I hope it works out for you all.

      Comment

      • #4
        Firstly may I say what a wonderful thing to want to do

        I dont know how social services work but I know the courts like to maintain family bonds wherever possible, I dont think that a malicious report by someone will weigh too heavy against you.

        I truely hope this works out for you
        Last edited by Greenleaves; 28-06-2015, 06:34 AM.

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        • #5
          Well the mother didn't tell me until last Wednesday even then it was only because my bf asked how he was doing. The bairn has had a horrendous past with his mother till he was 2 then neglected (in my opinion) till the age he is now 9 I don't think he knows what it feels like to be loved and wanted. He has been used as a weapon between the grandmother and daughter.... I feel so bad for the lad. I've only met him a hand full of times and you can see there is pain behind his eyes.
          Im not an emotional person but Ive been in tears these past few days thinking how unloved and unwanted he is.

          I spoke with his mother and she wants him to come and stay with us, well thats what she tells me and I hope she is telling me the truth. He has been assigned a new social worker tomorrow so Im hoping its a fresh start and we can fight for him to come with us. We had some money put away for renovations but we are holding on to that so we can get what he needs. I know this is a random post on here but I dont want to tell the rest of the family incase it doesnt go to plan, I just need to vent and get what ever advice I can to deal with ss.

          Thanks guys x
          Last edited by 4390evans; 28-06-2015, 07:47 AM. Reason: stupid tablet and fat fingers!
          If you want to view paradise
          Simply look around and view it.

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          • #6
            Good luck, I do hope it all works out for you all
            Nannys make memories

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            • #7
              I wish you all the luck in the world. You want him and you're family. I can't think of a happier outcome for the little lad.

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              • #8
                I think so too, thanks guys. x
                If you want to view paradise
                Simply look around and view it.

                Comment

                • #9
                  If he comes to you, will he be able to stay at the same school? Does he have a network of friends/activities in your area? If so, then these are factors in your favour, as it will mean less disruption to his life. Good luck.

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                  • #10
                    We are currently fighting to have my OHs nephew come to live with us. His mother was killed in a car accident 8 years ago. She had divorced his father a few years earlier and he was in prison. We wanted him to live with us back then, but his his fathers partner obtained a residency order and the courts sided with her.
                    She banned the boy from having any contact with his mothers family - including my OH and her mother, but now that he's 14 and has his own phone, he's been contacting her regularly and says he's desperately unhappy and wants to live with us.
                    The social worker has finally agreed to take action and we have a family resolution meeting next week to try and find a way forward.
                    What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
                    Pumpkin pi.

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                    • #11
                      I'm sorry to hear about the situation that you and your family find themselves in. My sil works in the social services sector and my cousin fosters children. All I can say is be up front and honest with the social services. At the end of the day you have your cousins little boys welfare at heart and so do they.
                      Last edited by noviceveggrower; 28-06-2015, 09:43 AM. Reason: spelling
                      sigpic

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                      • #12
                        Im ringing the ss tomorrow to have a talk with his new social worker. Im hoping... new ocial worker means new start.
                        If you want to view paradise
                        Simply look around and view it.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          I've just driven back from Wales and am sitting in a pub having a quiet glass of wine. Near me is sat a young man in a wheelchair. His mum rejected him when she found out he was disabled and he was brought up by his father for the first few years of his life. His father died in a house fire and he was adopted by his cousin as the SS felt he would be better off with close family. Preference is usually given to family members but that is not set in stone.
                          "I prefer rogues to imbeciles as they sometimes take a rest" (Alexander Dumas)
                          "It is neccessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live" (also Alexandre Dumas)
                          Oxfordshire

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                          • #14
                            First off, all the very best in this venture & I hope you get an early resolve

                            Second off, I see ...
                            Originally posted by 4390evans View Post
                            I know this is a random post on here but I dont want to tell the rest of the family incase it doesnt go to plan, I just need to vent and get what ever advice I can to deal with ss.
                            ... not wishing to be disparaging but this is an open forum & can be read by anyone, with this in mind it might be prudent to minimise any information that may make you identifiable to close friends/relatives.
                            He who smiles in the face of adversity,has already decided who to blame

                            Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by bearded bloke View Post
                              First off, all the very best in this venture & I hope you get an early resolve

                              Second off, I see ... ... not wishing to be disparaging but this is an open forum & can be read by anyone, with this in mind it might be prudent to minimise any information that may make you identifiable to close friends/relatives.
                              I'll add to what BB's said and say that this thread can be deleted whenever you wish. Just ask one of the Mod's or ask on here and we will delete it entirely.

                              Comment

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