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For pet owners, to make you smile

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  • For pet owners, to make you smile

    The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

    Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, bark, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

    Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

    TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

    (1) They live here. You don't.
    (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
    (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
    Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they --
    (1) eat less,
    (2) don't ask for money all the time,
    (3) are easier to train,
    (4) normally come when called,
    (5) never ask to drive the car,
    (6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
    (7) don't smoke or drink,
    (8) don't want to wear your clothes,
    (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
    (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college
    (11) don't answer back
    and
    (12) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children
    Flowers come in too many colours to see the world in black-and-white.

  • #2
    I'll be printing both of those off. Very true!!!
    Kirsty b xx

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    • #3
      I like that Hilary! The trouble is it's so embarrasingly true!
      My Majesty made for him a garden anew in order
      to present to him vegetables and all beautiful flowers.- Offerings of Thutmose III to Amon-Ra (1500 BCE)

      Diversify & prosper


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      • #4
        Love it! My cat used to lie upside down so that he could actually peer under the door when I wouldn't let him in!!!!!

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        • #5
          Priceless
          http://www.robingardens.com

          Seek not to know all the answers, just to understand the questions.

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          • #6
            Wonderful!!
            WPC F Hobbit, Shire police

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            • #7
              My cats came over to see what I am laughing at.

              They are now sitting here with me, and I am actually pointing things out to them - and they are going - 'what...?'......'WHAT...?' in that bewildered teenage fashion.

              Yoof of today, eh?
              Last edited by Hazel at the Hill; 28-03-2009, 02:00 AM.

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              • #8
                He he he he, I like that Hilary
                Wish I could teach my kittens that every time someone takes milk out of the fridge it isn't for them... They're bloomin lethal prancing round your feet, on purpose I think, because if you stumble over them the milk gets spilled, and they get to lick it off the floor

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                • #9
                  I got it sent to me by a friend, then I thought the grapevine would like it.....
                  Flowers come in too many colours to see the world in black-and-white.

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                  • #10
                    Can someone teach my parrot that he isn't a person, and that Yes, he DOES live in the cage in the kitchen, not in the sitting room with us - no matter how loud he screeches to be let in.

                    And although birds do feed from each other's mouths (beaks) he really oughtn't to do it to me if we have company, because people think I am weird enough already.
                    All gardeners know better than other gardeners." -- Chinese Proverb.

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                    • #11
                      I had the bottom one on the wall in the kitchen for years!
                      All the best - Glutton 4 Punishment
                      Freelance shrub butcher and weed removal operative.

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                      • #12
                        This is fabulous! Thanks very much for the laugh!!
                        Serene she stand amid the flowers,
                        And only count lifes sunny hours,
                        For her dull days do not exist,
                        Evermore the optimist

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                        • #13
                          Just read it out to the dogs, both asleep on the sofa...
                          They ignored me as usual...
                          Last edited by sharonr; 28-03-2009, 08:18 PM.
                          I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

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                          • #14
                            Well,I could question a few of the statements e.g.easy to train...He(dog)has his own mind and opinions different than mine.As long as we're able to work out a happy medium compromise it's ok.
                            Last edited by coreopsis; 28-03-2009, 09:12 PM. Reason: typo(again)

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                            • #15
                              I can relate to each point.! I'm going to print it off and show my cats.!

                              In Particular about the sleeping arrangements.!
                              Blogging at..... www.thecynicalgardener.wordpress.com

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