Tweet
.....and I'm not sure this fits into the Minor Rant thread.
We went to the doctors this morning, a good long double appointment. Earlier this week the DSN told the BH that she didn't think he was a diabetic, but we have confirmed with the GP that he is - relief at getting that clarified.
So, the next thing was his memory problems. This could be caused by many things, and the GP has ordered every blood test under the sun to get to the bottom of it, including the thyroid tests that I had to fight for seven years to get (so my annoyance is simmering at that...just like that for him, but I had to really struggle) And then she asks him how he's feeling mentally; is he depressed, how does he feel about his life, why did he write about feelings of hopelessness on the diabetic survey he did with the DSN? (what survey? he didn't tell me about that) Why did he say he wasn't happy at home? (why hasn't he told me, his wife of nearly 30 years?) Has he thought about harming himself or others? Yes, he admits to wanting to lash out at me occasionally but only because I'm nearest (I have no idea at all how to react to that, I'm still stunned and feeling like I want to stay away from him)
Next the nurse takes him to a quiet room to do something called a Mini Mental test - presumably for signs of Alzheimer's or similar, and whilst they're gone the doctor talks to me; Have I noticed he's depressed? Yes, on occasion, but we both get like that from time to time - we aren't smiley all the time. Has he ever hit me? No, he knows I'd retaliate if he did, wise move or not. Does he shout? No, never, he goes very quiet.
Then the GP starts asking me if I goad him, if I do things on purpose to upset him - no, neither of us are confrontational, I would never upset anybody on purpose, let alone my nearest and dearest. Do I nag him to do jobs or to do other things? No, I do almost everything for him although I try to encourage him to be active.
Why have I not noticed he's depressed? Because he's never shown any signs of being depressed, if I ask him if he's ok he'll say yes. But you must notice, you suffer depression yourself? Yes, I do, and he could hide it from me as well as I do from him. If he thought I was depressed, he would be too and that's no good.
So, he shoulders all of the financial burdens, bill paying, managing money etc? WHAT? No, he doesn't, he can't even remember his own ATM number let alone remember to pay bills, I do all of that. He can't even go shopping by himself because he forgets what we need and he's frightened he will fall and hurt himself, not being too steady on his feet. Not wanting to appear useless, it seems he has told the diabetic nurse that he's responsible for the financial side of things.
The mini mental test thingy shows memory deficiencies but not signs of early dementia, thankfully. But the GP wants us back in there in a fortnight after the bloods on Monday.
I've come out of there feeling like I've been run over, but the BH is his 'usual' self. I wonder why he didn't tell me anything and I feel like I'm looking at a stranger I don't know. I hope and pray that all of these symptoms (depression, tiredness, no libido, memory problems, etc.) are all down to something that can be fixed, like the B12 deficiency the nurse mentioned, or a low testosterone level, and not something mental or something physical that cannot be fixed.
I also feel that I am to blame in some way, for not noticing or preventing the cause. It did seem like the GP was pointing the finger at me, silly though that may sound.
ok, rant over, going for tissues. Thanks for listening.
Jules
We went to the doctors this morning, a good long double appointment. Earlier this week the DSN told the BH that she didn't think he was a diabetic, but we have confirmed with the GP that he is - relief at getting that clarified.
So, the next thing was his memory problems. This could be caused by many things, and the GP has ordered every blood test under the sun to get to the bottom of it, including the thyroid tests that I had to fight for seven years to get (so my annoyance is simmering at that...just like that for him, but I had to really struggle) And then she asks him how he's feeling mentally; is he depressed, how does he feel about his life, why did he write about feelings of hopelessness on the diabetic survey he did with the DSN? (what survey? he didn't tell me about that) Why did he say he wasn't happy at home? (why hasn't he told me, his wife of nearly 30 years?) Has he thought about harming himself or others? Yes, he admits to wanting to lash out at me occasionally but only because I'm nearest (I have no idea at all how to react to that, I'm still stunned and feeling like I want to stay away from him)
Next the nurse takes him to a quiet room to do something called a Mini Mental test - presumably for signs of Alzheimer's or similar, and whilst they're gone the doctor talks to me; Have I noticed he's depressed? Yes, on occasion, but we both get like that from time to time - we aren't smiley all the time. Has he ever hit me? No, he knows I'd retaliate if he did, wise move or not. Does he shout? No, never, he goes very quiet.
Then the GP starts asking me if I goad him, if I do things on purpose to upset him - no, neither of us are confrontational, I would never upset anybody on purpose, let alone my nearest and dearest. Do I nag him to do jobs or to do other things? No, I do almost everything for him although I try to encourage him to be active.
Why have I not noticed he's depressed? Because he's never shown any signs of being depressed, if I ask him if he's ok he'll say yes. But you must notice, you suffer depression yourself? Yes, I do, and he could hide it from me as well as I do from him. If he thought I was depressed, he would be too and that's no good.
So, he shoulders all of the financial burdens, bill paying, managing money etc? WHAT? No, he doesn't, he can't even remember his own ATM number let alone remember to pay bills, I do all of that. He can't even go shopping by himself because he forgets what we need and he's frightened he will fall and hurt himself, not being too steady on his feet. Not wanting to appear useless, it seems he has told the diabetic nurse that he's responsible for the financial side of things.
The mini mental test thingy shows memory deficiencies but not signs of early dementia, thankfully. But the GP wants us back in there in a fortnight after the bloods on Monday.
I've come out of there feeling like I've been run over, but the BH is his 'usual' self. I wonder why he didn't tell me anything and I feel like I'm looking at a stranger I don't know. I hope and pray that all of these symptoms (depression, tiredness, no libido, memory problems, etc.) are all down to something that can be fixed, like the B12 deficiency the nurse mentioned, or a low testosterone level, and not something mental or something physical that cannot be fixed.
I also feel that I am to blame in some way, for not noticing or preventing the cause. It did seem like the GP was pointing the finger at me, silly though that may sound.
ok, rant over, going for tissues. Thanks for listening.
Jules
You've worked wonders already on the Diabetes front, if you can both do that, working together, you can achieve whatever else its takes to see you through. Thinking of you both.
Comment