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  • I am the Zen master

    Helpful Zen sayings:

    1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just bugger off and leave me alone.

    2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

    3. No one is listening until you fart.

    4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

    5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

    6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

    7. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

    8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

    9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

    10. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

    11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

    12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.

    13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

    14. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgement.

    15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

    16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

    17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

    18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our @rse ... then things just get worse.

    20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
    A simple dude trying to grow veg. http://haywayne.blogspot.com/

    BLOG UPDATED! http://haywayne.blogspot.com/2012/01...ar-demand.html 30/01/2012

    Practise makes us a little better, it doesn't make us perfect.


    What would Vedder do?

  • #2
    Zen Master - we bend at your feet
    aka
    Suzie

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by piskieinboots View Post
      Zen Master - we bend at your feet
      Bending at the knees is better for your back.
      A simple dude trying to grow veg. http://haywayne.blogspot.com/

      BLOG UPDATED! http://haywayne.blogspot.com/2012/01...ar-demand.html 30/01/2012

      Practise makes us a little better, it doesn't make us perfect.


      What would Vedder do?

      Comment


      • #4
        He he he, that made me chuckle
        Love 1, 7, 11 & 15

        Comment


        • #5
          Hee hee, very good. Some proper grown-up wisdom in there too. I'm a great believer in no. 11!

          Thank ye Master.
          I don't roll on Shabbos

          Comment


          • #6
            Thank you Oh great Zen master, your advice is truly inspiring
            Last edited by scarey55; 20-02-2009, 11:34 AM.
            A garden is a lovesome thing, God wot! (Thomas Edward Brown)

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            • #7
              Oh Great Zen Master - please can I ask you a question?

              How does one manage the power of original thought?
              aka
              Suzie

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by piskieinboots View Post
                Oh Great Zen Master - please can I ask you a question?

                How does one manage the power of original thought?
                To think originally, one must have thought originally.
                A simple dude trying to grow veg. http://haywayne.blogspot.com/

                BLOG UPDATED! http://haywayne.blogspot.com/2012/01...ar-demand.html 30/01/2012

                Practise makes us a little better, it doesn't make us perfect.


                What would Vedder do?

                Comment


                • #9
                  I drink, therefore I am.
                  I'm drunk, therefore I was.
                  Whoever plants a garden believes in the future.

                  www.vegheaven.blogspot.com Updated March 9th - Spring

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Oh Great Zen Master - What happens when one thinks too much?
                    Hayley B

                    John Wayne's daughter, Marisa Wayne, will be competing with my Other Half, in the Macmillan 4x4 Challenge (in its 10th year) in March 2011, all sponsorship money goes to Macmillan Cancer Support, please sponsor them at http://www.justgiving.com/Mac4x4TeamDuke'

                    An Egg is for breakfast, a chook is for life

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                    • #11
                      Excellent Wayne!!!
                      "Nicos, Queen of Gooooogle" and... GYO's own Miss Marple

                      Location....Normandy France

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by HayleyB View Post
                        Oh Great Zen Master - What happens when one thinks too much?
                        Don't worry young one, you are in no danger!
                        Last edited by HeyWayne; 20-02-2009, 01:07 PM.
                        A simple dude trying to grow veg. http://haywayne.blogspot.com/

                        BLOG UPDATED! http://haywayne.blogspot.com/2012/01...ar-demand.html 30/01/2012

                        Practise makes us a little better, it doesn't make us perfect.


                        What would Vedder do?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          ROFPMSL

                          Cheers mate
                          Hayley B

                          John Wayne's daughter, Marisa Wayne, will be competing with my Other Half, in the Macmillan 4x4 Challenge (in its 10th year) in March 2011, all sponsorship money goes to Macmillan Cancer Support, please sponsor them at http://www.justgiving.com/Mac4x4TeamDuke'

                          An Egg is for breakfast, a chook is for life

                          Comment


                          • #14


                            One more time!

                            Live like you never lived before!

                            Laugh Like you never laughed before!

                            Love like you never loved before!

                            One Love & Unity


                            http://iriejans.blogspot.com/

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Irie Jan View Post


                              One more time!

                              Juan Mortimbe was the name of my previous encarnation - I am now Crouching Hippo Hidden Waistband.
                              A simple dude trying to grow veg. http://haywayne.blogspot.com/

                              BLOG UPDATED! http://haywayne.blogspot.com/2012/01...ar-demand.html 30/01/2012

                              Practise makes us a little better, it doesn't make us perfect.


                              What would Vedder do?

                              Comment

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