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How to give a cat a pill! Made me ROFL!

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  • How to give a cat a pill! Made me ROFL!

    Sad to say I had to remove the pictures that were attached to this email that was sent to me. The file was too big to upload! Just reading it alone you will give cat owners a big laugh and anyone else for that matter!

    How To Give A Cat A Pill.

    Anyone who has ever had a cat will know just how true this is!!

    Xx Jan

    Picture a sweet little cat fast asleep! Ahh

    1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    Picture an angry cat geting his own back and having a chew at your ankle! ouch!!

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

    Now picture one even more angry cat chomping on your knee!

    9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

    10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

    13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

    Now the cat is soo mad he has doubled in size like an over grown puff ball, fur standing on end and has a crazed mad look in his eyes!

    14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

    15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

    How To Give A Dog A Pill

    1. Wrap it in bacon.

    2. Toss it in the air.

    Now picture a fully grown boxer dog laying on his back, legs akimbo and the most stupid stoned look on his face, I just creased! LOL
    Live like you never lived before!

    Laugh Like you never laughed before!

    Love like you never loved before!

    One Love & Unity


    http://iriejans.blogspot.com/

  • #2
    Soooooooo true, and the vets make it look so easy.
    Life isnt about surviving the storm.....But learning to dance in the rain.

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    • #3
      picture the same cat covered in oil ...... trying to give him a bath ....... thats Asbo ...... funny though i can give him a pill no problems lol

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      • #4
        My cats are all different and at different times as well when it come to pill time! The old boy has learned with Experience that mummy always wins in the end! Now he is good and most times will take any pills crushed up on his dinner!

        The girls however are more of a handfull and just downright stubourne little beep ,beep darlings! I do sometimes have to go through some of the antics above but as I say I always win in the end!!
        Last edited by Irie Jan; 23-01-2009, 03:18 PM.
        Live like you never lived before!

        Laugh Like you never laughed before!

        Love like you never loved before!

        One Love & Unity


        http://iriejans.blogspot.com/

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        • #5
          SOME cats can be 'dosed', some... can't<g>
          I have dealt with the former type, and (fortunately) never owned the latter, but cat-owning friends have told me that it is 'all true'. My verdict would be that if the cat is that capable of resisting its medicine, it is too healthy to need any<g>
          Flowers come in too many colours to see the world in black-and-white.

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          • #6
            We wrap Alf in a towel - tight - other half holds him on back and we force pill into mouth. We then have to cover nose and mouth to stop him from breathing - he will hold his breath up to thirty seconds before taking the gulp then it's over and he walks away in disgust,

            Dogs, sit, give pill while holding a favourite treat in front of nose, they know they don't get treat until they have swallowed the pill
            Hayley B

            John Wayne's daughter, Marisa Wayne, will be competing with my Other Half, in the Macmillan 4x4 Challenge (in its 10th year) in March 2011, all sponsorship money goes to Macmillan Cancer Support, please sponsor them at http://www.justgiving.com/Mac4x4TeamDuke'

            An Egg is for breakfast, a chook is for life

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            • #7
              Had me stitches. Hubby and I have only owned one cat - Mishka, the cat from hell (and with an attitude to match) Loved him to bits.

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              • #8
                Hilarious and all true!! Some years ago the vets who lived next door asked me to feed the cat for a few days, no problem says I. First time I went to feed it there was a note asking me to give it a pill each evening, eek thinks I having seen SIL experiencing the above scenario many times. But the note went on to say the cat will sit for them like a dog, thinks they're treats - and it did!

                SIL now puts pills into an empty syringe (without the needle of course!) and shoots the pill straight down a very surprised looking cat's throat!
                Life is too short for drama & petty things!
                So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

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                • #9
                  Very good! Cats are so smart! I wrap our cat in towel so she can't remove my arms and shove pill down protesting throat. The horse is worse- I have to grab its tongue!

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                  • #10
                    That was sooo funny and so true.

                    My cat was impossible to give a tablet to and I had to resort to liquid disguised in her favourite food. As you say though, dogs are a completely different kettle of fish - a small piece of pate and my Greyound takes his anti-depressant tablet without it even touching the sides
                    Last edited by scarey55; 24-01-2009, 09:51 AM.
                    A garden is a lovesome thing, God wot! (Thomas Edward Brown)

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                    • #11
                      LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL very good. any chance you can email me the email so I can see the pics?
                      Dont worry about tomorrow, live for today

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                      • #12
                        Whilst trying to give one cat worming liquid the cat moved and worming liquid ended up in OH's eye-eye has not had worms since so the stuff must work!!!
                        Also trying to give the other cat a pill,whilst it was wrapped in a towel a paw escaped and gave me an unexpected nipple piercing-OUCH!!!!!

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by petal View Post
                          Very good! Cats are so smart! I wrap our cat in towel so she can't remove my arms and shove pill down protesting throat. The horse is worse- I have to grab its tongue!
                          Reminds me of mine-my sister and me used to clip his claws first,than catch him(he was a VERY smart one-knew something not so good was on the way),then make a mummy from him with a big bath towel.One of us had to keep wriggling cat on her knees and the other open his mouth and shake the crushed pill(he spat it out if whole).
                          Then put him on bed and step back as quickly as possible.
                          I know it sounds i'm a cruel person but that was the only way.
                          I still remember those DIRTY looks he gave me afterwards...

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                          • #14
                            *Clutches sides which are aching from laughter!*.... been there, still carry the scars to prove it. ....
                            Never test the depth of the water with both feet

                            The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory....

                            Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

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                            • #15
                              Technique for cats which are not TOO difficult, and not of Siamese shape (it only works on short legged cats!), You need a VERY SMOOTH kitchen worktop, with lots of space. Stand cat on work surface with its head towards your right, grip back of cat's head in left hand, and allow left elbow to rest on cat's tail or bum (depending how long the cat and your arm are). Press down with left wrist and tilt cat's head upwards, mouth WILL open. Toss pill down cat's throat with right hand. Obviously reverse left and right if you are left handed.
                              I think the reason it works is that cat is so unbalanced on relatively slippery surface, AND being pressed down at the shoulders, that its fighting capacity is much reduced. The one it didn't work on was a Siamese.....
                              If that one doesn't work, you have a healthy cat anyway<g>
                              Flowers come in too many colours to see the world in black-and-white.

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