Grow Your Own Magazine

It is so easy for men.
We're going to a black tie do on Sat night. All Mr Sheds has to do is put on his tux and find his cuff links.
Me, I have to start 3 days ahead (and I'll still be late on the night):

• I can't wear the same dress as last year (see profile pic), even though he can wear the same tux
• my new dress needs altering, so that will take me a day
• none of my shoes match my new dress, so I have to shop for new ones
• ditto for tights
• If it's cold, I can't wear a nice cardie. OH has a jacket so he'll be nice and cosy. I need to buy a little jacket to cover my shoulders but not the dress..a shrug. No, the shops don't have any shrugs at all.
• Hair: I normally dye my roots black but OH thinks my hair should be all the same colour, so I have to spend an hour doing that
• then my eyebrows won't match, so I have to dye them too, with separate dye
• my winter skin is all pasty, so I need to apply self-tan for 3 days, twice a day
• My one Easter Creme egg is still sitting on my tummy, so I have to live off soup all week to get into my dress
• My shoes are new, so I need to wear them round the house with hiking socks for 3 days to break them in
• My nails are all broken and stained with compost, so I need a manicure
• Hairy winter legs: need a waxing too. But must be before the tanning, else all the fake tan will get ripped off

I'm not sure 3 days is long enough to get ready...

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~ What do I think of Western civilisation? I think it would be a very good idea ~ Gandhi

Add to that when you go to a formal event with children and you have to help them plan their outfits, and not to far in advance as they tend to have a growth spurt just after you've kitted them out in an expensive outfit for a wedding, and you've taken the lables off .

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Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

Michael Pollan

that is so very true twosheds......
what about the handbag ....... new black evening wear shoes, black bag I own is to big....
new bag needed.
O/H will want me to look after car keys, house keys and mobile! so bag must not be to small.
Now have cold on way...space for tissues, and lots of make up to hide red nose!!
so it goes on
men are soooo lucky!

If I have to "dress up" I wont go.
I only have one suit (21 years old)only used for funerals.
Not worn a tie for 10 years never worn a bow.
I do have some smart casual clothes but only wear them if I have to(makes them last longer)
But I have 4 drawers of T shirts.

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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields

We men only have to "put on a tux, a bow tie and cufflinks", cos, unlike women, we dont buy all that bull thats spouted in magazines.

You ladies are your own worst enemy and the more you pander to the "I must" monster the more time, effort and money you will all waste.

Most balls and posh dos are at night in artificially lit rooms, nobody will notice if you have "winter skin", they will notice if you glow orange with fake tan. Nobody will notice the dress is the same, they may remember your fab personality above all else. Will you be wearing your jacket inside? I thought not so dont worrit about it. If your wearing tights, who will see your hairy legs. As for the Easter egg, from personal experience at least 50% of the women there will have 3 or more Easter egg bellies.

Any way, enjoy the do, I am sure you will look just fabulous.

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Kindest regards, David.

http://pigletsplots.blogspot.com/
updated - Sunday 19th at 2100hrs

Thanks Piglet. It's not so much about the look, its about how you feel. If I do the whole beauty routine the night out is much more enjoyable (I only do it once a year, so I shouldn't moan too much, huh). Everyone else is dressed up, so I'm not going out with black roots or hairy legs (the stubble pokes thru the tights you know)

I have the bag sorted - it was a free gift with a mag, actually a make-up purse. Just big enough for phone, lippy, aspirin, indigestion tablets, tissues, anti-shine wipes, perfume, spare tights in case of ladder, taxi fare, mints.

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~ What do I think of Western civilisation? I think it would be a very good idea ~ Gandhi

Jacobs solution is long thigh length boots shortish dress with bingo neckline(eye's down look in).
Rawhide bra (head e'm up move e'm out) .
A nice long of the shoulder length blonde wig .
Result the OH will not leave your side all night to keep the others away.
All the other women will not leave there partners/husbands all night to make sure .
Outcome you be centre of attention you will not have to shave legs and you will have beat e'm all jacob's fantasy over have a good night jacob

Slightly worried about how much thought JM seems to have put into this...

I really hope the soup bit was a joke though TS! You're patently the skinniest, fittest woman on earth from your profile pic and the amount of cycling, digging etc you do. If the dress don't fit, buy a bigger size!

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http://thankyouforthedays.blogspot.com/

In the woods there grew a tree
And a fine fine tree was he

I think I would stay at home!!! To find something tidy to go into town often defeats me!

[quote=Seahorse;200340]Slightly worried about how much thought JM seems to have put into this...

What it realy was i thought i was having a fantasy i think jacob