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I have posted before about the issues my ex husband has caused in the past. He is a control freak and verbally and emotionally abusive and is obsessed by money. We have been apart now for 13 years and divorced for 5 years but still it seems like a black cloud follows us through our lives and as we are to a degree financially reliant on him (to support my daughters through uni) we tread on eggshells to avoid upsetting him.
Anyway last Thursday my daughters travelled 2 hours to London to see him and from there they were going to go with him to Germany to visit relatives early the next day (driving in his vehicle). They arrived at his house at 10 oclock at night and no sooner had they got through the door, than he started on them. His issue was that they had not rung him over Easter to wish him a happy easter and told them that they didn't care about him and only wanted him for his money. The younger daughter (20) who has a little more confidence contradicted this and said they were both scared of him and treading on eggshells around him. He said that was my fault and that I had instilled this fear in them (not true). He said that he too felt he was treading on eggshells around them (if you knew him, he is not the type to do this) but then proceeded to tell them some so called 'home truths' about me. Saying I was f***** usless, the younger daughter said he was not to continue as I had been a rock to them but of course he continued, raking up things I supposedly had or had not done over 15 years ago. At this point the younger daughter ran out of the house and phoned my, she was hysterical and sobbing wanting to come home. I told her to come home. Her older sister (24) sided with her, she was the driver and they took their bags and went to leave. He called them childish and cowards for leaving and then laid guilt trips on them about all the people they would be letting down. They still came home.
They arrived home after midnight and were in a terrible state. I told them how proud I was of them as this was the first time they had ever stood up to him and they had achieved something I have never managed to do. However, now they fear they have lost their dad. He will certainly not apologise as he never feels he has done anything wrong and he will cut off his nose to spite his face, even with his own children. He is due back on Monday and they are scared he will come round here or start ringing them to continue the arguement.
I feel drained
. How do I best support them if the the worse case scenario happens and they lose their dad?
Anyway last Thursday my daughters travelled 2 hours to London to see him and from there they were going to go with him to Germany to visit relatives early the next day (driving in his vehicle). They arrived at his house at 10 oclock at night and no sooner had they got through the door, than he started on them. His issue was that they had not rung him over Easter to wish him a happy easter and told them that they didn't care about him and only wanted him for his money. The younger daughter (20) who has a little more confidence contradicted this and said they were both scared of him and treading on eggshells around him. He said that was my fault and that I had instilled this fear in them (not true). He said that he too felt he was treading on eggshells around them (if you knew him, he is not the type to do this) but then proceeded to tell them some so called 'home truths' about me. Saying I was f***** usless, the younger daughter said he was not to continue as I had been a rock to them but of course he continued, raking up things I supposedly had or had not done over 15 years ago. At this point the younger daughter ran out of the house and phoned my, she was hysterical and sobbing wanting to come home. I told her to come home. Her older sister (24) sided with her, she was the driver and they took their bags and went to leave. He called them childish and cowards for leaving and then laid guilt trips on them about all the people they would be letting down. They still came home.
They arrived home after midnight and were in a terrible state. I told them how proud I was of them as this was the first time they had ever stood up to him and they had achieved something I have never managed to do. However, now they fear they have lost their dad. He will certainly not apologise as he never feels he has done anything wrong and he will cut off his nose to spite his face, even with his own children. He is due back on Monday and they are scared he will come round here or start ringing them to continue the arguement.
I feel drained
. How do I best support them if the the worse case scenario happens and they lose their dad?
I have a friend who went through a very similar situation to yours; her Husband was mentally and physically, violent and abusive. There was a long period of time, after the break-up and divorce, when things were just as you have described. Now, they are on speaking terms, finally, but it has been a very long struggle. I think he 'woke up' eventually, which none of us thought he would do.
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