Biting children

**jackie j** · 01-05-2011, 02:42 PM

My eldest son bit a little girl when they were about 2 ish, I like you, was sooo upset, I withdrew him from everything he liked doing. It happened at mum's and toddlers, I tried biting him back but couldnt do it and I dont believe its right. It just makes the child think ' well mum does it to me '.
If the mum was ok about it then dont worry, maybe give her a call and let her know again how sorry you are.
Dont beat yourself up about it just make sure your child understands its not acceptable behaviour and in his defence maybe a bit of jealousy ???

**Poddington Pea** · 01-05-2011, 02:52 PM

it's happened before it's been a reaction to being pushed out of the way and the other time was unprovoked. When he bite's me it's because he's over excited, tired or angry.
Today the baby was in a walker, my son gave her a cuddle and a kiss on the face, then proceded to bend down and bite her arm. He was overly tired and I was watching him carefully, but it happened very quickly.
I hope he grows out of this quickly!

**Glutton4...** · 01-05-2011, 04:06 PM

My friend's daughter did this a lot when small. She was advised to bite her back, so he knows that what she is doing, hurts. It took her a long time to summon up the courage to do it, but in the end she grabbed hold of her hand, and bit her little finger really hard until the little girl screamed. Problem solved. She never did it again. Horrible I know, but it works. Yes, he will grow out of it, eventually, but how much damage will he do first?

If a Horse bites, we were always taught to bite it on the top lip - VERY hard. It's a truly horrible thing to have to do, but it works.

Good luck!

**shirlthegirl43** · 01-05-2011, 04:39 PM

Our younger son went through a very short stage of biting - the second time he bit me he got bitten back! I had explained first time that biting was not nice and that if he did it again I would show him how horrid it was - he immediately bit me again so I did as I had said and bit him back. He never did it again to me and I got no biting reports from the childminder. it sounds cruel but if they don't learn how sore it is then they will never really understand why they are being scolded or punished.

**Hilary B** · 01-05-2011, 04:42 PM

Sometimes biting the one who bites shows them why they shouldn't do it (because it hurts) sometimes it shows that you won't stand for them doing it (and there is nothing wrong with that, but if that is the plan, I'd prefer another method, not necessarily excluding a very small smack, but other methods are much better, when they work).
The risk of it being taken as an excuse ("mummy does it to me") is slight unless you have developed an 'equality' standard. I am not convinced that that type of equality is a good idea at a very early age.....

**Creemteez** · 01-05-2011, 04:46 PM

How old is your son? If he is old enough to understand "No!",you MUST make sure you use the word forcefully enough and back it up with, "That's VERY, VERY naughty." I don't think a time out would be inappropriate either.
I'm not saying it's the case with you, but I see and hear so many mothers admonishing their children in the same tone of voice they'd use if they were reading a bedtime story! They must KNOW that they are being told off, otherwise, how will they know their behaviour is unacceptable. You don't have to scream or even shout, Louder and firm and an reasonably angry face will get the message across.
I have to say that I can't agree with the idea of biting the child to teach it a lesson. Sorry.

**Two_Sheds** · 01-05-2011, 04:55 PM

I bit my best friend when I was 8. She threw my cardie in the boys' toilets, so I bit her. Teacher smacked my bum in front of the whole class (wouldn't be allowed now of course, but it taught me a lesson)

When the dog bites my hands (she's a puppy) I put her out of the room. Or myself out of the room. Either way, she learns that biting results in "not fun"

**Poddington Pea** · 01-05-2011, 05:20 PM

We have done all of this (not smacking) I think that smacking is never the answer, where do you go from there? A child I looked after got a smack (from mum) for smashing a window (!) he promptly turned around and slapped her in the face. What happens next? Do you then have a fight with your 5 year old?!!!
My son is 18 months old. He has time-out every time he bites. He is told NO in a firm voice and we explain that his behaviour is not accteptable. Time out is in the hall-way (no toys etc.) he gets very upset and immediatley gives me a cuddle when he is allowed to come back.
I bit him once. He cried. And was scared of me for the rest of the day. It left a mark and I was worried what people might think if they saw. I care for children proffessionaly and have since studying childcare at college, but when it's your own child it's very different!
I must point out he is teething, not an excuse, but definately a contributing factor..
Thanks for all the advice and sympathy guys.
X

**Florence Fennel** · 01-05-2011, 05:29 PM

Like every parent PP you should follow your instincts. My mum taught me that smacking a child sometimes "knocks ten devils in". My own chlldren were taught that "violence breeds violence" so they were never smacked. It's certainly harder work to discipline without violence.

**FionaH** · 01-05-2011, 05:50 PM

My eldest took to biting when the youngest was born. He also pushed over other peoples babies which resulted in us being expelled from a rather posh Mums and toddlers group!

I did try biting him back and it didn't work at all. Another child at (a different) toddler group did bite him back though, and hung on with the jaw poundage of a Rottweiler! He never did it again

I did occaisionally smack the eldest cos a light slap worked with him. Didn't smack the youngest as I soon found out he was as stubborn as a mule with a bum like asbestos! Would I do things differently if I had my time over again? Sure I would! I would be a calm, non smacking Mummy. But thats not the way it goes so hey ho.

They do grow out of it. My biting child is a respectable young man, working full time and studying for a degree..............and he doesn't bite any more either

The less said about the youngest, not smacked one, the better some days

**Two_Sheds** · 01-05-2011, 06:18 PM

Originally posted by Florence Fennel View Post

It's certainly harder work to discipline without violence.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. It depends on what you define as 'hard work'. I currently have my youngest nephew to stay, and he's a right one (or has been). Selective deafness, stubborn as you like

As with dogs, training, persistence & kindness wins the day.
It's bluddy hard work, to be sure. Frustrating, tear-inducing, but god is it worth the struggle. You'll bring up a kind-hearted, considerate human being, not a man who thinks a hard smack is the answer to all their troubles

**vicky** · 01-05-2011, 06:21 PM

Mine was bitten once at a mum and tots group when he was littler. Athough it hurt I wasn't too bothered as I just thought that children sometimes do that, I kept a closer eye on the biter after that but he never did it again. His mum was distraught even though I wasn't!

di · 01-05-2011, 06:47 PM

I'm probably going to sound like a naive softie here but are you sure the bite was malicious?Daisy used to bite Ash when he was a babe but it was always when she was being affectionate.
Obviously they need to learn it's wrong whatever the intention...I never felt comfortable biting back but instead I'd place her hand under herr top teeth and give it a firm push...in effect making her bite herself.Also let her see how dissappointed I was with the behaviour.

I think it really is just a phase tyhat some go through and others don't,certainly doesn't signify you have a beast as a child so try not to be hard on yourself.

Daisy actually did a 'mean' bite a year or so later(we'd been playing at a new friends house and she'd not been allowed to touch any of the toys...a couple of hours in she was fed up and didn't have the vocabulary to put her feelings across so sunk her teeth in instead...I was mortified...apologised profusely and quickly made my exit,dragging her behind me...an hour later the phone rang and it was the Mum making sure I was OK

**FionaH** · 01-05-2011, 06:59 PM

Originally posted by Two_Sheds View Post

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. It depends on what you define as 'hard work'. I currently have my youngest nephew to stay, and he's a right one (or has been). Selective deafness, stubborn as you like

As with dogs, training, persistence & kindness wins the day.
It's bluddy hard work, to be sure. Frustrating, tear-inducing, but god is it worth the struggle. You'll bring up a kind-hearted, considerate human being, not a man who thinks a hard smack is the answer to all their troubles

Not all men who had a smack as children grow up to be wife beaters. My two would rather die before lifting their hands to a woman. My eldest particularly talks his way out of trouble with anyone rather than fight his way out.

Have to say they think it is perfectly ok to bundle me up and threaten to put me in the wheelie bin

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