Well, I got the plot at the beginning of July, and to say it was a bit of a mess would be an understatement. Apparently untended for 10 years, the previous tennant was a lay-preacher who had some unusual methods of cultivating the land.

A full plot of 10 rods, it was completely overgrown. The first 7 yards or so were dominated by brambles, as was the entirety of one 35 yard side. The farthest 4 yards was simply a forest of nettles and inbetween the extremes: a grassland.

Firstly I rented a petrol strimmer from HSS and tackled the centre section, the grass came down to reveal a landscape similar to the Somme; Trenches everywhere, height variations of up to 5 feet, bumps, dips and more car tyres than Kwik Fit.

Tackling the Brambles with an old hedging tool revealed the shed and the remains of a now-disintegrated greenhouse. I cut everything back to ground level, and decided bonfires were the way forward.

In scenes reminiscent of ITV's 'London's Burning' the lot went up in smoke. I raked the ashes out which got rid of some of the grass stubble, and everything looked ready for Phase 2.

The only problem was that the following week I was layed low by a chest infection (probably as retribution for my frequent curses uttered against the plot's former tennant) that lasted until the first week of October. All the hard work and 10 or so days spent on the plot were wasted. On returning it was as if I had never been there in the first place. Brambles had re-colonised the shed, the Grass was taller than ever, and the nettles looked menacing. What the Hell do I do now?

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