So the problem you have is not being a consistent pack leader especially with one dog, this only confuses their brain.

I am very impressed you at least admit the problem, what I find helping people with their dogs is that humans usually choose that strong negative thing we posses called 'denial' and wont admit its their fault and not the dogs, to say it again, it is NEVER the dogs fault but the owner.

I have never had to hit a dog to correct its behaviour as this can intensify the problem or the dog only does what he is told out of fear, dogs will always accept discipline but not punishment, there is a clear difference of the two.

They can however respond to the 'power of intention'....ie again this is really a form of punishment and I wouldn't do it...ie some older people hit their dog over the nose with a rolled up newspaper to correct bad behavoir, usaully they only have to do this once or a few times, then the next time the dog does or trys to do the same bad behaviour all the owner has to do is pick up the newpaper and that is enough to correct the dog, the dog knows the 'power' of the intention and doesn't have to be hit with the newspaper again, I still maintain that this is ruling by fear and I wouldnt use it, but you could argue that for an elderly person this may be justified if they aren't fit enough to fulfil the pack leader role.

The other problem you have is that your partner or other pack leader is not on the same wavelength as you, you must both be consistent with the dogs.

Most people that rescue dogs are the worst offenders in bringing out bad behaviour, although they have the best intentions most of the time they just feel bad for what has happened to the dog in the past, the dog will pick up and sense that and see it as a weakness and while you will have your dogs trust you wont have his or her respect as they only follow a calm assertive leader.

Also what tends to happen is that the rescue dog is showered in affection, if you give affection to a dog in a stressed state you nurture that behaviour, you are saying its good to feel that way, its best to only share affection when they are calm relaxed and or doing a good behavoir.

Also what you say about finding some bad behaviour as amusing is a common problem, especially when small dogs do it, it often looks cute to us and leads to creating small monsters, I believe the technical term for us or other animals to find cuteness in another animal is called neaonty, ie wolves and other animals will see their pups as cute, its a defence mechanism for survival, we are the only species though to see older animals as cute, this has been put down to the fact that we look after our young for a much longer period of time.....ie 18 years or more.

Its not rocket science to be a good pack leader, the techniques are very simple, it just takes a bit of time and patience, you could do it no problem and your partner and I promise you that if you do you will be surprised how much more you will bond with your dog, there is no better feeling than walking with your dog and he is migrating with you as he would do in the wild, I just look at my dog as we are walking along and I can see he is in the 'zone', its hard to explain, but its a great feeling, to a dog walking is just as important as birds flying and fish swimming, but you have to learn to 'master' the walk, most people just let their dog walk in front of them, this makes the owner the follower straight away, just look next time your out walking, I guarantee over 95% of people walking their dogs are the followers and not the pack leader...ie the dog will be in front of them if they on or off the lead....