Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Crisps -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be???....)
On some frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's just a suggestion.)
On Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(and you thought?)
On packaging for an iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me time?)
On Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we
could just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)
On Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(I'm taking this because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On a packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: say what?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands"
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) |