Hi daineal,

I can really sympathise with your dilemma because twenty years ago, we were in exactly the same position with our daughter (autism is four times more common in boys than girls, by the way)

First thing to remember is - take everything the 'experts' say with a hefty pinch of salt! The only real expert in your child is YOU and, if they have any sense, they will listen to you and take on board your experiences.

I'm speaking here as a parent who allowed a Educational Psychologist to dissuade us from having our son, who will be 23 next week, formally diagnosed as Asperger Sydrome at the age of thirteen, on the grounds of 'it wouldn't be helpful to label him'. Guess what? Ten years later, he is now undergoing assessment with a view to a formal diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome

The problem with autism is it's a wide ranging condition - as NOG says, it's now called ASD of Autistic Spectrum Disorder. I think that was probably because there are so many different but similar conditions, that it was decided an 'umbrella' term was required so they could lump them all together. In America they actually have a diagnosis of PDD-NOS (Pervasive Development Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified) which is about as vague as you can get!

I've never hear of anything called Mild Spectrum Disorder and, personally, think that's a daft term. Bear in mind that ASD often comes in combination with other disorders (our daughter is Autistic with Moderate Learning Disabilities but whether you could separate one from the other is very doubtful)

This is an appalling and misleading statement to make. Your son is three - at that age you'd be very lucky to find ANY medical specialist who would stick their neck out and claim correct diagnosis will be made after one week of specialist observation/interaction.

As an example, at around the age of three, our daughter spent five days at a specialist unit undergoing all the observation/interaction stuff with a team of specialists (paediatrician, speech therapist, cognitive therapist, psychologist etc). The result? Well, the paediatrician stated that it definitely wasn't autism but he didn't know what it was and she would have to be reassessed when she got older. He also, very helpfully, added that he didn't think it was anything WE had done

Later she was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome which remained until she was in her early teens, at which point we had a scheduled meeting with her Paediatrician (a different one because she was older). We put it to her that our daughter was not Asperger Syndrome and that she was, in fact, autistic. All our observations, research, reading etc pointed to that conclusion. The paediatrician agreed and offered to change the formal diagnosis. It makes you wonder how long our daughter would have continued with an incorrect diagnosis if we hadn't insisted it was changed ....

If your son is on the Autistic spectrum, you'll probably find that he works much better visually than aurally. Spoken instructions may not be heard/understood/absorbed and lead to intense frustration. It may be very difficult to achieve eye contact with an ASD child so you may have to practise this a little at a time until he can manage a few seconds. You may also have to take steps to provide as calm and non-distractive surroundings as possible. ASD children often suffer from hypersensitivity to external stimuli - it could be that he finds a high level of background noise almost unbearable. Some ASD children cannot stand certain sounds, textures, even strong wind or strong sunlight can aggravate them to distraction. It might be worth observing him to see if anything in particular 'sets him off'.

Get creative with charts to help him understand his day or any other area of difficulty. For our daughter we had, and still have, an A4 printed two week chart (you might use a one week one) with colours for each day and a box to fill in. Put the chart on the wall and add pictures to help him understand what is going to happen. Our daughter's school had a similar aid in the form of a board with boxes on the bottom, the board had sticky Velcro on it and they could change the symbols day-to-day to show her what lessons she would be attending, the boxes held prompts or tools for the lessons. By way of a reward, once she'd completed several tasks, she got a Free Choice card which enabled her to do anything she wanted to do.

You may find that the concept of 'reward' is a tough one for an ASD child to understand but some catch on to it very quickly

This is the website for the National Autistic Society which may be able to give you help locally by putting you in touch with someone who can chat to you and answer any questions you have.

The National Autistic Society - Home

This is an inspirational piece written by Emily Perl Kingsley called "Welcome to Holland" which I was pointed to when our daughter was in the process of diagnosis. I think it's very appropriate to a lot of situations ...

Welcome to Holland

- Be prepared to do lots of reading and research - being as well informed as possible will enable you to ask questions when professionals say things that aren't entirely clear. We've found that some professionals respond very well to well-informed parents while others find them quite threatening.

- If in doubt, put it in writing because it's much more difficult to disregard a formal letter than it is to 'forget' a phone call.

- Get yourself a 'Bloody Minded' hat and wear it often!

If you want to contact me by private message, please do. I'll be happy to help or advise in any way I can.

Armorel